Venting When people see u as a broken person after being honest about suicidality.

[Livingvsdying25]

Just got up to pee and planned to just go right back to sleep. Random thought or revelation that a lot of people in my life don't take anything I do seriously anymore.

It's all almost like passed over or the positive stuff over highlighted or insultingly suprised....


I swear I'm just starting to pick up on these things and it's making me not want to talk to anyone anymore.

Like holy shit this is why all the crap about reaching out about suicidality & your feelings is a fucking lie. I'm not gonna be talking to anyone for awhile if ever again honestly.

Im fucking done. This isn't something im discussing or working through. Don't think anyone see's me the same or like this broken.person.now.

Its so disgustingly dehumanizing.

Like yeah im def done and I'm not staying alive for anyone.




Ugh it's these random thoughts lately that have been really making me dislike things & people. It's like im finally seeing what is.

Just needa figured out a method I can execute. Im pissed with this revelation but I'm not suprised. The next 2 weeks... no one outside of here is going to hear from me. I'm done.

 

[Prime0]

Humanity is a virus anyway, we weren't even supposed to be here, for some fucking unluckiness due to the first stupid DNA molecule we're here, despite coming here completely out of randonmess we invaded this whole world, imposed cultures norms beliefs and stigmatised those who don't obey them.

 

[SexyIncél]

Yes. People don't give a shit for the consequences of their normie advice. "Reach out to people! They Care . Rainbows & puppies!"

Rant

A reasonable advisor would offer advice that assumes a world where things don't necessarily work. In general, people are too unimaginative or cowardly to give anything but virtue signaling one-size-fits-all advice. They have no risk analysis. No track record of successfully advising people — or if they do, they hide their failures

There's professions/traditions where people are very careful, because their mistakes threaten rich people's money. Or politicians' reputations. You can find careful engineers without too much difficulty. But for professions like shrinks or politician, where mistakes only ruin your one (1) existence, they're typically glib

 

[todiefor]

I'm really sorry you had that experience, it is very patronising and demoralising and dehumanising. When you need people the most, they betray your trust and show their true colors

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Thnxx for the replies y'all... I'm really... hurt by this revelation tbh... it's like you can't exist in anyone's mind as a full actualize human being once you disclose your suicidal.

I've been feeling some feelings lately about the interpersonal relations in my life and I wasn't entirely sure why but now I realized why.

Im not even a human anymore to then is what it feels like.

I do so much varied things day to day but no one even listens amymore.

Well good for them bc I'm done & disappearing. I don't trust people anymore. This is probably a lot more heart breaking then im allowing myself to feel but it is what it is honestly.

I wish I could move somewhere else & start over.

 

[SexyIncél]

Well good for them bc I'm done & disappearing. I don't trust people anymore. This is probably a lot more heart breaking then im allowing myself to feel but it is what it is honestly.

I wish I could move somewhere else & start over.

Well, maybe there's ways to salvage the situation! Easier than starting over

For example, people like hero's journey stories, where you journey to the abyss — and experience death & rebirth! They're trained by movie industry execs addicted to this template

So if you can fake recovery in that creepy-enthusiastic way, it might help. Probably won't take too many words or overacting. Their lack of cold rationality is on your side here!

And you know, there's decent people out there. I can discuss where one might find them, if you'd like

 

[flightlessbutterfly]

I.. Haven't told anyone yet. But it's not because I don't want to or can't, but because I don't know how and I don't think someone like me should be suicidal. I've been people pleasing and wearing a mask since I was 9, never stopped and I don't think I want to stop. As jaded and apathetic I am, even when I've lost my identity and my personality, I don't want to imagine what everyone around me will think, I don't want to look my parents in the eye and tell them something that they'll never believe.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Well, maybe there's ways to salvage the situation! Easier than starting over

For example, people like hero's journey stories, where you journey to the abyss — and experience death & rebirth! They're trained by movie industry execs addicted to this template

So if you can fake recovery in that creepy-enthusiastic way, it might help. Probably won't take too many words or overacting. Their lack of cold rationality is on your side here!

And you know, there's decent people out there. I can discuss where one might find them, if you'd like

There might be ways to salvage the situation.... I could express my feelings and how certain things are making me feel but im not sure if it's worth it tbh. maybe for 1 person or 2 I dunno yet. I'm still accessing from it all. Then gonna decide. I'm not sure what's fully going on. Maybe 1 person has a jaded view of mental health to begin with, my family were never that great either and my one friend that's probs been trying their best I dunno still sus. so I might just talk about it as a last ditch attempt but im not sure if it matters if im planning to CTB anyway.


Faking recovery hasn't done me that much / I'm not good at faking. When I notice the differences in faking it just makes me feel bitter tbh. I don't see a purpose in holding on to relationships that require me to fake how I feel to gain/keep respect & not be dehumanized


I dunno if I'm ready to meet any new people rn. Thnx though this comment made me think. What's written above isn't opposing anything & more so just me verbally processing.

Just got up to pee and planned to just go right back to sleep. Random thought or revelation that a lot of people in my life don't take anything I do seriously anymore.

It's all almost like passed over or the positive stuff over highlighted or insultingly suprised....


I swear I'm just starting to pick up on these things and it's making me not want to talk to anyone anymore.

Like holy shit this is why all the crap about reaching out about suicidality & your feelings is a fucking lie. I'm not gonna be talking to anyone for awhile if ever again honestly.

Im fucking done. This isn't something im discussing or working through. Don't think anyone see's me the same or like this broken.person.now.

Its so disgustingly dehumanizing.

Like yeah im def done and I'm not staying alive for anyone.




Ugh it's these random thoughts lately that have been really making me dislike things & people. It's like im finally seeing what is.

Just needa figured out a method I can execute. Im pissed with this revelation but I'm not suprised. The next 2 weeks... no one outside of here is going to hear from me. I'm done.

Honestly the more I reflect on this the more I'm like not even sure why I'm not bringing it up. Maybe bc my family used to give me these half ass stupid fake responses then completely rip into me when it served them. I don't feel like having to decipher through anyones lies. I'm not sure how anyone would respond but I might just express that as of late I don't really feel respected within my struggles. Only the "moments" of triumph and that's not all of me. As of late that's been very little of me. So I'm not feeling very humanized.

Something like that. If I'm dying anyway then ig in a sense I have nothing to lose but also sighsss I do have things to lose in ways.

It's upsetting to notice covert things bc a lot of my abuse was covert so there's a discomfort and tendency to gaslight myself about it. I'm not just being all trauma paranoid or whatever. It's very noticeable and it was just me blocking things out as not to notice. Maybe this is why so many interactions as of late make me feel worse.

Sighhss I'll see... I dunno.