Whited Sepulchre

Whited Sepulchre

Member
Apr 26, 2020
31
Has anyone felt like you were born wid the worst pair of cards or got stuck in a game heavily dependent on sheer luck which u have less than 1% of?
Sounds real familiar to me.
 
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AcornUnderground

Mage
Feb 28, 2020
505
I had a great life, but it came with a lot of hard work. My life could've have gone two ways, and I worked my ass off to make it a great one. And it was. To the point where I would be the person that would say "Life isn't about the cards you are dealt, it's how you play your hand."

And then I got dealt one really, really shitty card. One that .5% of the population gets. One that knocked all the other cards out of my hand.

Yeah, I miss that naive girl playing her hand of cards with that ignorant confidence. I want to be her again, but I also kind of want to punch her in the face. Now I understand that some shitty cards simply can't be played.
 
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a.n.kirillov

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,831
I had a great life, but it came with a lot of hard work. My life could've have gone two ways, and I worked my ass off to make it a great one. And it was. To the point where I would be the person that would say "Life isn't about the cards you are dealt, it's how you play your hand."

And then I got dealt one really, really shitty card. One that .5% of the population gets. One that knocked all the other cards out of my hand.

Yeah, I miss that naive girl playing her hand of cards with that ignorant confidence. I want to be her again, but I also kind of want to punch her in the face.
You can take consolation from the fact that, no, your life actually couldn't have gone two ways—unless you believe in some quantum indeterminacy true randomness notion.
 
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AcornUnderground

Mage
Feb 28, 2020
505
You can take consolation from the fact that, no, your life actually couldn't have gone two ways—unless you believe in some quantum indeterminacy true randomness notion.
Yeah, I don't know how much I believe that our lives are already planned or not. I really just don't know. There are so many places where I made choices that deeply affected my outcomes. I'm sure most of us - at least those of us with some decades under our belt - know what I mean. I'm not sure that life is set for us without free will to manipulate it and the outcomes.
 
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a.n.kirillov

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,831
Yeah, I don't know how much I believe that our lives are already planned or not. I really just don't know. There are so many places where I made choices that deeply affected my outcomes. I'm sure most of us - at least those of us with some decades under our belt - know what I mean. I'm not sure that life is set for us without free will to manipulate it and the outcomes.
You have the common notion of free will, which is "I can make decisions", and that is correct. But you probably also believe in cause and effect, and that every effect has a cause which produces it necessarily.

You can compare it to a vending machine. A vending machine also makes decisionsy albeit only very simple ones: if you press the coca cola button and haven't fed the machine enough money, it will decide not to give out a Coke; if you've thrown in enough money, it will give out a Coke and then, depending on how much money you've thrown in, it will make a decision whether it will give change, and if yes, how much change. All of these decisions are made autonomously by the machine, so you could say it is a somewhat free agent.

Now, you are no different. You can also make many different decisions; but you are not free in which decision you will make. For example, you think you have the choice of either staying seated in front of your computer right now, or to go to the fridge and get ice cream; OR, you could decide to jump out of the window of your tenth story appartment—or at least it seems to you that way. But in most cases, you can not make the decision to jump out of the window, unless the motivations (causes) are sufficiently strong to overpower all the other motivations (SI, comfort seeking, etc).

If I press you on it, you couldn't even define what you mean by free will, aside from saying you can make choices—which doesn't give you any more freedom than a (very complex) vending machine.
.
And if you wanted to demonstrate to me now, out of defiance, that you actually CAN decide to jump out of the window, well: then my challenging you and your anger at me were the cause of you jumping out of the window :)). No way to escape it
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
No I lived the best childhood ever and exciting teenage years it was deterministic to end up this way nothing in the past could have hange my life existence as an adult.
 
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AcornUnderground

Mage
Feb 28, 2020
505
You have the common notion of free will, which is "I can make decisions", and that is correct. But you probably also believe in cause and effect, and that every effect has a cause which produces it necessarily.

You can compare it to a vending machine. A vending machine also makes decisionsy albeit only very simple ones: if you press the coca cola button and haven't fed the machine enough money, it will decide not to give out a Coke; if you've thrown in enough money, it will give out a Coke and then, depending on how much money you've thrown in, it will make a decision whether it will give change, and if yes, how much change. All of these decisions are made autonomously by the machine, so you could say it is a somewhat free agent.

Now, you are no different. You can also make many different decisions; but you are not free in which decision you will make. For example, you think you have the choice of either staying seated in front of your computer right now, or to go to the fridge and get ice cream; OR, you could decide to jump out of the window of your tenth story appartment—or at least it seems to you that way. But in most cases, you can not make the decision to jump out of the window, unless the motivations (causes) are sufficiently strong to overpower all the other motivations (SI, comfort seeking, etc).

If I press you on it, you couldn't even define what you mean by free will, aside from saying you can make choices—which doesn't give you any more freedom than a (very complex) vending machine.
.
And if you wanted to demonstrate to me now, out of defiance, that you actually CAN decide to jump out of the window, well: then my challenging you and your anger at me were the cause of you jumping out of the window :)). No way to escape it
I think that there is a lot of wiggle room on life outcomes. Larger things - like say this disease I have - is that planned in some sort of life plan beyond this existence? I don't know, I don't even know if I believe in anything beyond this existence. It's all hard to say. But I can tell you that I could live in many VERY different circumstances right now, and mostly believe, too, that my illness could've been avoided by different choices.
 
a.n.kirillov

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,831
I think that there is a lot of wiggle room on life outcomes. Larger things - like say this disease I have - is that planned in some sort of life plan beyond this existence? I don't know, I don't even know if I believe in anything beyond this existence. It's all hard to say. But I can tell you that I could live in many VERY different circumstances right now, and mostly believe, too, that my illness could've been avoided by different choices.
Sure, I agree with the bit about different choices. It's just that you couldn't have made different choices. If you're going to place some notion of free will into a metaphysical realm, well I wouldn't agree with you, but you'd be in good company as many philosophers tried to save free will by such a move.

No, it is not a "life plan". The future is determined, but unpredictable, because it is unimaginably complex, the farther ahead you try to predict it. It can not be calculated, but yes, it is set in stone.

What illness do you have? if I might ask that is.
 
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_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
1,111
Has anyone felt like you were born wid the worst pair of cards or got stuck in a game heavily dependent on sheer luck which u have less than 1% of?
Sounds real familiar to me.
Yeah.. At times i also think about how lucky some are, some got good genes, born with rich parents, got the ability to learn fast and efficient, while some are born already sick with many bad cards.. its mostly based on luck, you can decide wether you start smoking or if you go drinking, but at the end its up to your genes, and epigenetics if this has an bad impact on you.
 
L

Living sucks

Forced out of life before I wanted to leave
Mar 27, 2020
3,143
I had a great life, but it came with a lot of hard work. My life could've have gone two ways, and I worked my ass off to make it a great one. And it was. To the point where I would be the person that would say "Life isn't about the cards you are dealt, it's how you play your hand."

And then I got dealt one really, really shitty card. One that .5% of the population gets. One that knocked all the other cards out of my hand.

Yeah, I miss that naive girl playing her hand of cards with that ignorant confidence. I want to be her again, but I also kind of want to punch her in the face. Now I understand that some shitty cards simply can't be played.
DITTO!
 
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A

AcornUnderground

Mage
Feb 28, 2020
505
Sure, I agree with the bit about different choices. It's just that you couldn't have made different choices. If you're going to place some notion of free will into a metaphysical realm, well I wouldn't agree with you, but you'd be in good company as many philosophers tried to save free will by such a move.

No, it is not a "life plan". The future is determined, but unpredictable, because it is unimaginably complex, the farther ahead you try to predict it. It can not be calculated, but yes, it is set in stone.

What illness do you have? if I might ask that is.
Primary Sjögrens Syndrome. Unfortunately severe. It's a disease that ALWAYS sucks, but can range from mild to debilitating. It can destroy your salivary, tear and exocrine glands as well as skin hair joints muscles lungs vasculitis neuropathy and Raynauds. Also gets in your brain sometimes like MS. I've got it all but vasculitis.
 
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Erase.myself

Erase.myself

My body is a prison
Jan 4, 2020
198
Primary Sjögrens Syndrome. Unfortunately severe. It's a disease that ALWAYS sucks, but can range from mild to debilitating. It can destroy your salivary, tear and exocrine glands as well as skin hair joints muscles lungs vasculitis neuropathy and Raynauds. Also gets in your brain sometimes like MS. I've got it all but vasculitis.


I am so sorry that you are suffering so badly from this. Sending you lots of hugs.
 
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a.n.kirillov

a.n.kirillov

velle non discitur
Nov 17, 2019
1,831
Primary Sjögrens Syndrome. Unfortunately severe. It's a disease that ALWAYS sucks, but can range from mild to debilitating. It can destroy your salivary, tear and exocrine glands as well as skin hair joints muscles lungs vasculitis neuropathy and Raynauds. Also gets in your brain sometimes like MS. I've got it all but vasculitis.
That doesn't sound like a fun time. I've just (skim) read the Wikipedia article on it and it doesn't mention life style choices as probable causes. Do you think this is wrong? asking because you've said you could have avoided it by making different choices.
 
Erase.myself

Erase.myself

My body is a prison
Jan 4, 2020
198
My apologies for the double post.

Has anyone felt like you were born wid the worst pair of cards or got stuck in a game heavily dependent on sheer luck which u have less than 1% of?
Sounds real familiar to me.


Yes I also feel like I was dealt a real shit pair of cards. I've been told that I have many times. Grew up in a very violent and drug filled "home(s)", as a teen same shit plus mental illness came upon me..as an adult my mental illnesses grew worse along with my own drug addiction. In and out of abusive relationships, have had a lot of loss, and trauma. Im 32 and things aren't getting "better", only worse but in different ways. Just got out of Eating Disorder treatment and I'm full blown relapsing...I'm never going to get better. Nothing is..

I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry you have been dealt a shit pair of cards as well. Sending you hugs.
 
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AcornUnderground

Mage
Feb 28, 2020
505
That doesn't sound like a fun time. I've just (skim) read the Wikipedia article on it and it doesn't mention life style choices as probable causes. Do you think this is wrong? asking because you've said you could have avoided it by making different choices.
It's an autoimmune disease. Probably genetically predisposed but they require a trigger, such as emotional stress, viral or bacterial triggers. I led a very stressful life 20-40, did not practice healthy habits, and had a terrible MRSA-like infection right where my salivary glands are that blew my face up like a bullfrog and likely set off the autoimmune. I do believe that if I had practiced better self - care, and also did not get that chin infection (I got it on a trip that I almost didn't go on), things would probably be different.
 
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lymestolemylife

Student
Nov 27, 2019
139
Has anyone felt like you were born wid the worst pair of cards or got stuck in a game heavily dependent on sheer luck which u have less than 1% of?
Sounds real familiar to me.
Yes would you like to hear? Born to deaf parents, raised very poor. History of mental problems in the family, first felt depressed in third grade became bulimic at 12 (mostly because of the depression), runaway at 17, was a Stripper age 19, and then from 22 to 23 to make money hated myself for it but had no other way to make money since I had chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia.
Cleaned my life up got a good job then met the love of my life and got pregnant, stupidly allowed the doctor to give me vaccines while pregnant which ruined my life. Got arthritis immediately, then a 8 month migraine after my daughter was born and I got the MMR vaccine, health was destroyed. Tested positive for Lyme Disease had my second child she was born with Spina Bifida, Kyphoscoliosis, Pulmonary Hypoplasia and then we had her spine surgery at age 3 which gave her brain damage (something went wrong and she had a 108 degree fever) and turned her into a paraplegic, she lost all speech and other abilities and was close to being a vegetable. Had to care for two daughters one with severe disabilities with chronic Lyme disease. My health gets worse now on top of Lyme disease which is bad in itself , I have neuropathy, something is wrong with my spine I can't walk anymore or stand longer than 2 minutes, get horrific shooting pains in my tailbone it even hurts when i'm lying down. Can't eat food anymore only 7-8 items don't give me burning pains when I eat or shooting stabbing pains. Severe nausea everyday, partial seizures, hormones are all wacked, loosing my hair, its growing dry and thin and terrible looking and I used to be a model. Weird neurological storms that make me feel like i'm dying, and I get no help from doctors. According to them nothing is wrong. Lol. I'm bedbound and can't walk. They are just too stupid to accept that Lyme is real, and too stupid to figure out what is wrong with me.
I'm done.
 
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Whited Sepulchre

Whited Sepulchre

Member
Apr 26, 2020
31
My apologies for the double post.




Yes I also feel like I was dealt a real shit pair of cards. I've been told that I have many times. Grew up in a very violent and drug filled "home(s)", as a teen same shit plus mental illness came upon me..as an adult my mental illnesses grew worse along with my own drug addiction. In and out of abusive relationships, have had a lot of loss, and trauma. Im 32 and things aren't getting "better", only worse but in different ways. Just got out of Eating Disorder treatment and I'm full blown relapsing...I'm never going to get better. Nothing is..

I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry you have been dealt a shit pair of cards as well. Sending you hugs.
Thanks for the hug.
Wanna hug u back. *hug*
 
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AcornUnderground

Mage
Feb 28, 2020
505
Has anyone felt like you were born wid the worst pair of cards or got stuck in a game heavily dependent on sheer luck which u have less than 1% of?
Sounds real familiar to me.
I'm sorry for you. It's not fair when you can't win if you try.
 
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BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

Visionary
Dec 1, 2019
2,361
Whoever is playing my simulation can they hurry up and kill me already lol. I often wonder how there are so many beautiful and happy people in the world and what a shitty hand I drew to end up like this. Of all the possibilities available, the endless, countless ones, I got this.
 
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Whited Sepulchre

Whited Sepulchre

Member
Apr 26, 2020
31
Yes would you like to hear? Born to deaf parents, raised very poor. History of mental problems in the family, first felt depressed in third grade became bulimic at 12 (mostly because of the depression), runaway at 17, was a Stripper age 19, and then from 22 to 23 to make money hated myself for it but had no other way to make money since I had chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia.
Cleaned my life up got a good job then met the love of my life and got pregnant, stupidly allowed the doctor to give me vaccines while pregnant which ruined my life. Got arthritis immediately, then a 8 month migraine after my daughter was born and I got the MMR vaccine, health was destroyed. Tested positive for Lyme Disease had my second child she was born with Spina Bifida, Kyphoscoliosis, Pulmonary Hypoplasia and then we had her spine surgery at age 3 which gave her brain damage (something went wrong and she had a 108 degree fever) and turned her into a paraplegic, she lost all speech and other abilities and was close to being a vegetable. Had to care for two daughters one with severe disabilities with chronic Lyme disease. My health gets worse now on top of Lyme disease which is bad in itself , I have neuropathy, something is wrong with my spine I can't walk anymore or stand longer than 2 minutes, get horrific shooting pains in my tailbone it even hurts when i'm lying down. Can't eat food anymore only 7-8 items don't give me burning pains when I eat or shooting stabbing pains. Severe nausea everyday, partial seizures, hormones are all wacked, loosing my hair, its growing dry and thin and terrible looking and I used to be a model. Weird neurological storms that make me feel like i'm dying, and I get no help from doctors. According to them nothing is wrong. Lol. I'm bedbound and can't walk. They are just too stupid to accept that Lyme is real, and too stupid to figure out what is wrong with me.
I'm done.
Yes, let the medical community burn.
I know all communities have good and even great individuals, but the rest is all up in their asses wid monetary gains or obnoxious gold medals.
Wut happened to saving lives and giving some shit.
Three things you'll learn to distrust : your parents' love, the government, and doctors.
And a hug for ur horrible RNG.
Life's a class A bitch.
 
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A

AcornUnderground

Mage
Feb 28, 2020
505
Yes would you like to hear? Born to deaf parents, raised very poor. History of mental problems in the family, first felt depressed in third grade became bulimic at 12 (mostly because of the depression), runaway at 17, was a Stripper age 19, and then from 22 to 23 to make money hated myself for it but had no other way to make money since I had chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia.
Cleaned my life up got a good job then met the love of my life and got pregnant, stupidly allowed the doctor to give me vaccines while pregnant which ruined my life. Got arthritis immediately, then a 8 month migraine after my daughter was born and I got the MMR vaccine, health was destroyed. Tested positive for Lyme Disease had my second child she was born with Spina Bifida, Kyphoscoliosis, Pulmonary Hypoplasia and then we had her spine surgery at age 3 which gave her brain damage (something went wrong and she had a 108 degree fever) and turned her into a paraplegic, she lost all speech and other abilities and was close to being a vegetable. Had to care for two daughters one with severe disabilities with chronic Lyme disease. My health gets worse now on top of Lyme disease which is bad in itself , I have neuropathy, something is wrong with my spine I can't walk anymore or stand longer than 2 minutes, get horrific shooting pains in my tailbone it even hurts when i'm lying down. Can't eat food anymore only 7-8 items don't give me burning pains when I eat or shooting stabbing pains. Severe nausea everyday, partial seizures, hormones are all wacked, loosing my hair, its growing dry and thin and terrible looking and I used to be a model. Weird neurological storms that make me feel like i'm dying, and I get no help from doctors. According to them nothing is wrong. Lol. I'm bedbound and can't walk. They are just too stupid to accept that Lyme is real, and too stupid to figure out what is wrong with me.
I'm done.
I am so, so sorry. No words ❤️
 
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TowerUpright

TowerUpright

Disillusioned
May 26, 2019
602
My heart goes out to all of you hearing, when I read these stories. Reinforces that my issues are purely selfish.

I hope all of you, if you decide to CTB, manage a peaceful exit.
 
Donk

Donk

Useless since day 1
Jan 3, 2020
1,129
im dealt 27o my whole life
You have the common notion of free will, which is "I can make decisions", and that is correct. But you probably also believe in cause and effect, and that every effect has a cause which produces it necessarily.

You can compare it to a vending machine. A vending machine also makes decisionsy albeit only very simple ones: if you press the coca cola button and haven't fed the machine enough money, it will decide not to give out a Coke; if you've thrown in enough money, it will give out a Coke and then, depending on how much money you've thrown in, it will make a decision whether it will give change, and if yes, how much change. All of these decisions are made autonomously by the machine, so you could say it is a somewhat free agent.

Now, you are no different. You can also make many different decisions; but you are not free in which decision you will make. For example, you think you have the choice of either staying seated in front of your computer right now, or to go to the fridge and get ice cream; OR, you could decide to jump out of the window of your tenth story appartment—or at least it seems to you that way. But in most cases, you can not make the decision to jump out of the window, unless the motivations (causes) are sufficiently strong to overpower all the other motivations (SI, comfort seeking, etc).

If I press you on it, you couldn't even define what you mean by free will, aside from saying you can make choices—which doesn't give you any more freedom than a (very complex) vending machine.
.
And if you wanted to demonstrate to me now, out of defiance, that you actually CAN decide to jump out of the window, well: then my challenging you and your anger at me were the cause of you jumping out of the window :)). No way to escape it

 
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L

lymestolemylife

Student
Nov 27, 2019
139
Yes, let the medical community burn.
I know all communities have good and even great individuals, but the rest is all up in their asses wid monetary gains or obnoxious gold medals.
Wut happened to saving lives and giving some shit.
Three things you'll learn to distrust : your parents' love, the government, and doctors.
And a hug for ur horrible RNG.
Life's a class A bitch.
Trusting them is what disabled me. After those evil vaccines my body was destroyed. Instantly affected my joints, and connective tissue, gave me brain encephalitis. My body has never been the same ever since. If I could just go back in time.
 
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depressedpolyaddict

depressedpolyaddict

Chemical lab worker
Jan 26, 2020
38
I lost the genetic lottery. It's torment, really. I am apparently very good looking and can attract attention of alot of people, but I was cursed with the social retardation of both of my families sides. And my father gave me his catastrophic psyche.

I can't connect with any person at all and I don't really know what to do with other people. Had three cute gals basically agressively flirt with me at a club and I fucked everything up.

Got abandoned by my first group of friends that I got into in about 4 years. They dropped me like a hot potato after new year.

My best friend is basically making no effort to do anything with me since he got a girlfriend. I am basically completely alone at this point. Pathetic how everyone is losing his mind in social distancing/isolation after a mere month or two. I had to endure this bullshit for years now.

I have the cursed trinity of mental disorders. Major depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder and schizoid personality disorder. Fuck my life, honestly.
 
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Whited Sepulchre

Whited Sepulchre

Member
Apr 26, 2020
31
My heart goes out to all of you hearing, when I read these stories. Reinforces that my issues are purely selfish.

I hope all of you, if you decide to CTB, manage a peaceful exit.
Yeah, I get dat.
It always feels like even the inevitable excuses life or God or other ppl hurled at u isn't worth mentioning.
Somehow in my head my given excuses just sound like a sad complaint rather than a plausible tragedy in comparison to everybody else's.
 
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B

BlockedMind

Member
Apr 20, 2020
7
Perhaps I am selfish and don't recognize the suffering of others, but I feel like I've been constantly going through the worst possible outcomes of everything I've done. No matter all my successes, they're just completely disregarded and forgotten at every new turn.
 
RedPanda

RedPanda

One day we shall be free from this mortal coil.
Jul 16, 2019
237
I have micropenis (this one sucks...i mean really fucking sucks), terrible scars all over my body and a couple on my face from acne. I'm short (this one doesn't bother me BUT it seems to bother other people for some reason). Also my ability to actually express myself properly verbally is quite difficult. So...yeah, i think these cards that have been dealt are pretty shit. I'm even amazed I've managed to hook up with girls lol, it still baffles me. I think a part of my wacky humor and personality get's their attention. On the other hand i have a roof over my head, a place to sleep and food to eat so those are good cards BUT the bad cards i have been dealt can't be changed. You know...like micropenis. Maybe you're laughing reading this and it's cool, i laugh at myself as well and then get angry and now i'm on this forum for so many reasons. Can't wait to die! It's going to be awesome to leave this reality and transcend into the unknown. Oh and i can't do it right now...because of lockdown restrictions. How awesome! I'm trapped.
 
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