When is the right time to tell new ppl in my life that i'm depressed?

[franklynlb]

I'm trying to meet new ppl, maybe make new friends, n i'm also taking new meds for depression, and the conversation comes up pretty quickly considering i can't drink beer due to meds, and it's pretty much the first thing i get invited to do. I don't have the courage to tell new ppl about my meds or my depression, but it could come up pretty easily if i didn't lie about it, and i've been wondering, when is it the right time to take a leap of faith with them?

 

[Weather]

So, a lot of people have (or had) depression, and I think something like 13% are on antidepressants. It's nothing to be ashamed of -- particularly right now when virtually everyone is having mental health issues due to the stress of the pandemic. If it were me, I'd be nonchalant and just say, "I'm trying some new meds for depression, so I can't drink," and I suspect most people wouldn't think anything of it. Folks don't make a big deal out of things you don't make a big deal out of.

If you don't want to be honest, though, that's fine too -- it's no one's business but your own. I choose not to drink, and whenever I'm at a social event or whatever, drinking something nonalcoholic -- if someone asks about it, I say something like, "I'm a teetotaler, MFer!" and we all laugh and no one cares.

 

[Life_and_Death]

honestly, ive started conversations like that and met a stranger at the grocery store that also has depression. the way i see it is if im forward with it, it allows 3 things. 1) for them to know my problems and decide if they can handle me before it turns into heartbreak. 2) it allows them to leave if they decide they cant. and 3) (my favorite) if theyre a dick to me it makes it a whole lot easier to remove them from my life because i mean...you know the bs ive gone through and am going through, if this is how youre going to treat me and only make it worse, i really dont need you.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

I'm trying to meet new ppl, maybe make new friends, n i'm also taking new meds for depression, and the conversation comes up pretty quickly considering i can't drink beer due to meds, and it's pretty much the first thing i get invited to do. I don't have the courage to tell new ppl about my meds or my depression, but it could come up pretty easily if i didn't lie about it, and i've been wondering, when is it the right time to take a leap of faith with them?

If it hurts your chances of becoming friends with someone to bring up you have depression when appropriate then you are doing yourself a favour as who wants to be friends with people who are so ignorant :3
One positive about people knowing you have mental health issues when they see you is that it filters out everyone who you would not want to talk to anyway.

 

[Giraffey]

I agree with all the advice of those above, in my own experience I've found it's better to be forward about these things. A little humour and self-deprecation where appropriate works wonders to break down a really difficult topic into something accessible. You're not striking up a conversation with a stranger and asking them to take responsibility for your mental health, but rather giving them permission to talk about their own mental health issues, or doubtless if not, they will know someone else who has suffered.

The conversation around mental health is changing anyway, back when I wrote my first books on mental health for kids there was still something of a taboo and certain mental illnesses were more 'fashionable' than others. Having Bipolar made you edgy and creative, having schizophrenia made you a murderer-to-be, having borderline personality made you a self-harming attention seeker etc. But the conversation has shifted now and for the most part, those old stereotypes have broken down, especially with the lockdowns around the world triggering people to have that conversation with friends and family.

Be open, be yourself and apply a liberal sprinkling of humour :)

 

[Nebby]

Personally I would just tell people that you don't drink and leave it at that. Anyone that pries for an answer about that is just rude.

 

[antigone_iris]

I'm trying to meet new ppl, maybe make new friends, n i'm also taking new meds for depression, and the conversation comes up pretty quickly considering i can't drink beer due to meds, and it's pretty much the first thing i get invited to do. I don't have the courage to tell new ppl about my meds or my depression, but it could come up pretty easily if i didn't lie about it, and i've been wondering, when is it the right time to take a leap of faith with them?

I'd wait a bit until I got to know them better. Perhaps allude to mental health in a conversation, but not give personal details and see how people react to this topic.

It's your right to politely decline a drink. Whether you want to explain yourself is your choice. If you're comfortable telling people that you take meds, you can do that. You don't have to give them all the details.

 

[greebo6]

Whenever you are ready. But only when you are ready .Its your choice .Don't feel pressured but do remember that depression is not anything to be ashamed of and if people don't want to be friends with you because of it then they are not worth it anyway.

 

[thisismyusername]

You deserve to keep your reasons not to drink as private as your mental health, IF you wish to do so. A good friend or good stranger would know that what is private is private, so what can be shared in conversations and fun will be just as precious as anything you share with someone. I prefer to keep most of my mental health private, but make a point to inform at least two close friends of my situation so I can feel safe with being around them and others if need be. Sometimes, you just need one ally in the room to make sure you're safe or comfortable. But if you want to share everything, go ahead! There is no problem with being completely open and casual (I say casual but I cant really find the word that Im looking for but trying to find one with the connotation of normalizing mental health) and there will be lots of people who don't understand that, but I know a lot of people have similar struggles and are looking for people like you to share their story with as well. I wish you the best and hope your search in finding YOUR answer comes swiftly.

PLUS, from a tip that I got from a sober friend, she drinks non alcoholic beer to feel more normal in situations where drinking is happening. :)

 

[everydayiloveyou]

You can always say straight up, "sorry, I can't because of my meds" and leave it at that. Most people won't ask what you take or what condition you have. If they do, then you can go into details if you want.

Usually someone who wants to avoid the topic of health for whatever reason will just talk about something else. Doesn't mean they don't respect you or don't want to be friends though! it just might hit a little too close to home for some people.

In general I think it's good to keep it vague at the beginning. Not only because of potential awkwardness, but you gotta remember that not everyone uses that kind of info about you with good intentions. So be sure that you trust the person to some degree and that it's not just some stranger. I guess that sorta thing would only be an issue in the workplace though.

It's really great that you're making an effort to meet people and get comfortable with others, good luck!