Venting when is enough enough

[Sanva]

another pointless rant, this is just my only outlet. I've been basically completely dissociated from reality for the past months. my only friend i had ghosted me and it kind of pulled me back into reality today. i have nothing left. it's not fair to say that when I have my parents and I guess it's fucked up but I want more. I want a life.

anxiety is so bad I can't speak anymore. My voice literally won't come out. People always think I'm being rude but I just can't speak. even this i read over and over again and I think about how fucking stupid I sound.

I want to mean something to someone and not because I'm related to them or because they want to fuck me. I want to be loved like normal people, because I'm funny or kind or some shit like that. But it's fucking impossible, because I'm just not. The only people who tolerate my existence are abusive pieces of shit. And even they abandon me.

I've been holding on because I like what I'm studying and I have some hobbies I enjoy. But then I think about the future, about living decades more like this. I think about being 40 with some job I despise, spending what little time off I have alone staring at the fucking computer screen and never leaving my apartment. Or being one of those old people you pity because they're always alone. I think the worst thing will be regretting everything when I'm old. I want to ctb so badly. the thought of having to go through another week is unbearable. I can't see things ever getting better for me. What's the point of living like this?

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

The best solution to never getting old is to never get there if you catch my drift

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much and I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have a lot of dread for the future as well and old age sounds so horrifying to me. I hope to be gone long before then. I think that the life expectancy is too long. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Anxieyote]

When I was younger, nobody ever told me that an unremarkable life was a possibility. It was always, "Someday you will do great things" or "Someday you will change the world."

It makes it that much worse when nothing comes to fruition. The dichotomy of what out lives are supposed to look like, and what they actually are is as wide as a canyon.

I blame society for placing unreasonable expectations on every living human to perform and excel. Not all of us are going to be able to survive the trials of the life gauntlet.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

When I was younger, nobody ever told me that an unremarkable life was a possibility. It was always, "Someday you will do great things" or "Someday you will change the world."

It makes it that much worse when nothing comes to fruition. The dichotomy of what out lives are supposed to look like, and what they actually are is as wide as a canyon.

I blame society for placing unreasonable expectations on every living human to perform and excel. Not all of us are going to be able to survive the trials of the life gauntlet.

It possibly has to do with how the pre ww2 generations experienced life

If you had the pleasure to know generations who were pre tv you understand this

In their minds everything was all up all the time. Every crisis always came and went and there never was a world ending event at least not in the west.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

Yo. I really don't know what the specific meaning of life is, but know that the only thing people basically strive for is pleasure. So i can't answer. But i wanted to say something
First of all, i wanted to say that i actually don't know if you're kind or funny, but at least you don't sound fucking stupid. At least for me, hah
And also, reading that you'd like to be valuable not because you're someone's relative or not because they want to fuck you, i remembered one idea that i liked once.
Imagine that one percent of people might like you in the way you want. The number of people on earth is close to eight billions, one percent of 8 billion - it will be a figure of eight with seven zeros. There are 746 million people living in Europe, one percent of this number will be equal to 7460000, half a percent - 3730000..... Quite a lot, i suppose. Sometimes it impresses me that there are so many people in the world. When i think about it, it seems to me that the chances of finding a friend are not so low even if you are a completely beaten scum