When I’m 50 - another ramble

[darkenmydoorstep]

Less than a month now til I'm 50 and hopefully then I can set the ball rolling a bit by joining Exit.

I wish I'd never known him because before I'd known him, I'd forgotten what love felt like.

I could have carried on like that, the dull straight line.

But to suddenly feel love again after decades- that intensity, heat and beauty - for it to come to nothing…..well it's like dropping down a fucking lift shaft. Raised right to the top and let go of, hitting all shades of shit on the way down and splatting head first on the floor at the bottom.

It's so cruel. And if it weren't that, let's face it, some other shit would have happened. It's the hope that's the worst. The hope of better.

As I write this, it's all kicking off again with the two I live with. As fucking usual. Sooner I can resolve this permanently, the better.

 

[Dayrain]

joining Exit.

Do you still plan on going to the London workshop?

 

[Callie Arcale]

There's no winning, is there @darkenmydoorstep …

Your post touched me and your words resonated with me. I am very ill, bedbound and with a long litany of symptoms that make life unbearable. But even so, I shudder at the horror that is a broken heart… Pure torment. Hurts like nothing else.

Sending solidarity and compassion.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Do you still plan on going to the London workshop?

Yes if they still have spaces. They said I can't book it til I'm actually 50 which is middle April and the workshop is May so hopefully they will have them left

There's no winning, is there @darkenmydoorstep …

Your post touched me and your words resonated with me. I am very ill, bedbound and with a long litany of symptoms that make life unbearable. But even so, I shudder at the horror that is a broken heart… Pure torment. Hurts like nothing else.

Sending solidarity and compassion.

Bless you and thank you. I don't think I've been through this before. I just can't move on, I really can't and I've tried. I really have.
We all have our shit going on hey? I am sad you battle with such terrible symptoms. Life can be so cruel x

 

[Callie Arcale]

Yes if they still have spaces. They said I can't book it til I'm actually 50 which is middle April and the workshop is May so hopefully they will have them left

Bless you and thank you. I don't think I've been through this before. I just can't move on, I really can't and I've tried. I really have.
We all have our shit going on hey? I am sad you battle with such terrible symptoms. Life can be so cruel x

I've always found the phrase "Bless you" oddly comforting, despite being an atheist. Yes, we could all use a little grace and some blessings in our lives…

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Same here, I am not really sure what I believe/if there is a god, but am not religious. I find myself saying it all the time though.