C
CantDoIt
Wizard
- Jul 18, 2024
- 632
This is hard to explain but I always imagine myself being like "take this!" When I ctb, where I take SN/N/put on the exit bag and project what I'm feeling, which is mostly resentment and anger.
I caused my own problems, but "fate" also set me up by putting me in the situations that would cause these problems and ultimately culminating in the things that make me want to ctb today.
If I didn't randomly have the parents I had, if I didn't randomly have personality issues, if I had even slightly more favorable genetics or slightly more foresight when I was younger.
But it was the wrong combo of traits in the wrong situation and now it's too late. So I feel like the universe is taunting me, or wanted me to suffer, and also gave me a personality that can't "take" suffering like some people.
And by ctbing, the universe will no longer be able to force me to suffer unless I'm reincarnated or something.
I know it's "crazy" but honestly it helps me feel better about everything.
I caused my own problems, but "fate" also set me up by putting me in the situations that would cause these problems and ultimately culminating in the things that make me want to ctb today.
If I didn't randomly have the parents I had, if I didn't randomly have personality issues, if I had even slightly more favorable genetics or slightly more foresight when I was younger.
But it was the wrong combo of traits in the wrong situation and now it's too late. So I feel like the universe is taunting me, or wanted me to suffer, and also gave me a personality that can't "take" suffering like some people.
And by ctbing, the universe will no longer be able to force me to suffer unless I'm reincarnated or something.
I know it's "crazy" but honestly it helps me feel better about everything.