When did you decide that you are going to ctb?

[Daystavro]

For me it was a few months ago.
I am male 26.
And I have no financial or social future.
I have social anxiety and I have no friends or gf.
I hate talking or interacting with people.
They look at me and judge me and laugh at me and bully me.
Plus I hate the country I live in.
I wish I lived in the US instead.
I don't want to spend my whole life in this shithole.

 

[sadsoul]

The first time I was seriously depressed was 4 years ago when I was 13. That's also when I began researching methods and decided to ctb.

 

[Help_Me]

Since I was 16, but my first thoughts were not serious. Now I have grown up and realized my life won't get better in any way, so ctb is my absolute decision for now.

 

[Goldie]

Initially in 2011 when I was 28 but it was not as serious as I am now. Now it's pretty scary how serious I am. I have tried to order N but I missed the deadline for A going into hospital and now A is apparently not accepting BTC for another week at least.

 

[dysfunctional]

I started seriously considering this in June this year. Before that I was actually pretty stoked on life.

 

[Snee]

last year i even try to take the train but i didnt

 

[Circles]

Since I was 13 I always wanted to die. Nothing but misery after over a decade of this shit. It never seems to end I just don't want to live past 30. Just trying to squeeze out whatever good I can experience before I go.

 

[skitliv]

I decided a year ago after years of contemplation

 

[Rocky M]

When I was 14

 

[TheLastTrip]

Since about age 10 or 11, many long years ago.

 

[wanttodie]

I decided a about 20 years ago

 

[Trashcan]

I've known since I was about 13 (so 8 years ago) that I might eventually ctb.

 

[TAW122]

I had my first thought of ctb at age 12, going through a rough time in school and family life was shit back then. My late teens and adulthood only reinforced my hypothesis of wanting to ctb. The events in my life, the way the world is progressing (lies and virtue signaling and shit society says) with all the disasters and tragedies and things never going back to the better days, and last decade of bullshit all just push me in the direction of ctb. I just don't see myself living to old age and dying of natural causes. Life isn't for me.

 

[worldexploder]

I first started to consider CTB in early 2006 after coming off a 2 year long nervous breakdown. Almost tried in 2009 right before I met my ex wife. I never got the courage to attempt until 2015. My last being in 2016.

 

[Eowyn]

About 16 years ago. I am 30 now.
My first try was when I was 21.
My most recent try was last month.
I had met the one person who I would have happily spent the rest of my life with, but he told me to go kill myself.
I have to do it, knowing at least it will make him happy.

 

[Xerxes]

About 16 years ago. I am 30 now.
My first try was when I was 21.
My most recent try was last month.
I had met the one person who I would have happily spent the rest of my life with, but he told me to go kill myself.
I have to do it, knowing at least it will make him happy.

That's just evil of him....fuck that dude up the ass. My mom told me the same thing, except I continued to live and pester her until she bit the dust. Don't let anyone affect your happiness or tell you to kill yourself. Only you can tell yourself that.

 

[Eowyn]

That's just evil of him....fuck that dude up the ass. My mom told me the same thing, except I continued to live and pester her until she bit the dust. Don't let anyone affect your happiness or tell you to kill yourself. Only you can tell yourself that.

I really wish I could, but I'm dead to him anyway. Like I could literally die on his doorstep (which I tried, with CO in my car, parked on his driveway) and he'd just step over my body. To know I am nothing to someone I love is a valid enough reason for me.

 

[Xerxes]

I really wish I could, but I'm dead to him anyway. Like I could literally die on his doorstep (which I tried, with CO in my car, parked on his driveway) and he'd just step over my body. To know I am nothing to someone I love is a valid enough reason for me.

Well don't give him the time of day to see you CTB. He doesn't deserve the pleasure of you dying. Go out on your own terms, not his.

 

[Final Escape]

Definitely by 34 I started to want to be dead. I knew I was fucked at this point. Nothing was going right and I was becoming more and more mentally ill.

 

[Dani Paradox]

I made my final decision in June 2017. I've been dancing around the idea nonstop since then. Began experimenting with nooses around July or so... Drank nonstop for over a year... It's been one hell of a ride. I haven't much time left at this point.

 

[naia_]

Spring this year.

 

[Hiraeth]

July 2017. After my biggest breakdown that sent me to a psychiatric facility for 2 weeks

 

[Miss clefable]

I really wish I could, but I'm dead to him anyway. Like I could literally die on his doorstep (which I tried, with CO in my car, parked on his driveway) and he'd just step over my body. To know I am nothing to someone I love is a valid enough reason for me.

Hugs :(

 

[Karl]

I've been thinking about suicide since I was 14 years old, but only when I was 16, I saw that I had no choice.