When did suicide become a real option for you?

[bubblebunny]

I genuinely never actually considered suicide because I had a real fear of dying. I did say I wish i didn't exist and stuff but genuinely considering it? Really not.

But I've been crashing so much lately and I kept worrying about the future. Then i remembered that I don't have to endure this. I don't have to do this for years and years. It's a quiet shift but very real for me.

Now I'm curious when did it actually become a real option for you?

 

[Forever Sleep]

As a concept, I accepted it fairly quickly. I was 10 when I first had suicidal thoughts. The first one or two times, it felt like something wrong- because I had been taught it was. Mainly from a religious viewpoint. But, even at that age, my reasoning was that it was a reasonable option, given my circumstances.

I suppose I only really skated around the practicalities of it for ages though. Considering obvious methods like jumping and fairly naive methods like slashing wrists and paracetamol overdose.

As for contemplating an actual attempt though and active ideation, I was quite a bit older I think. I know I was doing deeper research about methods in my 20's.

Throughout though, I've always wanted to wait for key loved ones to pass first so- that held me back a lot of the time.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Suicide started as an idea in my head way back in 2003 and started becoming a real option in 2024.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

10. Tried at 11.

 

[FuneralCry]

Wanting to permanently cease existing is just all I know and it's my way to find peace from this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake, it's my way of escaping from all future unnecessary suffering in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

For me non-existence is just all that's positive and I wish I never suffered more than anything, I wish for no more pain and no more suffering and I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer in this torturous, cruel existence that I never would had chosen which is why I always suffer so much from existing in this horrific dreadful anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, all I want is to never suffer again, I just want to painlessly cease existing and finally be permanently unconscious.

 

[zizzou]

3 months ago when I wasnt there for my wife and she got into an accident. I should've saved her

 

[gunmetalblue11]

Can't remember exactly, (amnesia), I was around my early teens I'd imagine. Next time I won't miss when the time is right.

 

[indianachrome]

when life turned upside down and physical pain became everyday's groundhog day.

 

[scordatura]

Early teens is when I started feeling suicidal, although it wasn't something I would actually do at the time as, I still had hope. I'm now late 20's, and I suppose I do still have hope... sometimes.... or.... rarely.... But I now have so much more baggage to carry with me everywhere I go, and feel I can't fit into the system.

The past couple of years has been when it's really hit me. When I accept death inside my head, is the only time everything stops and I can feel some sort of peace, knowing that I actually can be free. Fighting gives me such intense anxiety and fear, while acceptance of it gives me freedom.

 

[Mooncry]

I seriously can't even remember lol. I've wanted to die since the moment I gained the ability to form memories.

 

[Spite]

About 13 years ago, when I was in my early teens. Suicide has been an option for me ever since, but it's something that has frequently drifted in and out of my life over the years.

 

[Pale_Rider]

That is a story of its own, and it's long! Basically we had weeks, that stretched into months long hearings. In the end the authority to end our life was granted. The establishment of forward operating base X-Site was established during that process. That's to say there was a very serious consideration process that included time out periods.

 

[drkptrn]

when I bought sn

 

[TheHolySword]

My first attempt was in high school. But it was before my first attempt that I accepted it would be a possibility.