Discussion What’s your reason for staying alive?

[dyingalone123]

I'm starting to feel better on an antidepressant but part of me still wants to Ctb.

 

[OrcWitch]

Holding out for about half a decade to see if its better by then. And I don't want to hurt a few peoples feelings with loss even if I believe in the right to suicide, and I don't want to abandon my old cat.

 

[Death is beautiful]

I'm a fucking pussy

 

[Deadweight]

I have a son, I'm worried that my suicide will increase his chances of suicide later in his life. He had a good mother though, and we've lived far apart since he was a baby, and mostly communicated over phone. I think he'll be okay, but it's something I wrestle with. I think he'd be better off not growing up with a mentally ill loser for a father anyway.

 

[trianglesplayhouse]

I'm a fucking pussy

Same here, nearly CTB back in March but I backed out for some goddamn reason.

Don't beat yourself up over it, it's not easy no matter how people who aren't suicidal describe it.

 

[Hans Voralberg]

My mom I love her so much and I have friends one of them is suicidal too so my suicide would be spread as disease to all people I love and probably damaged or even kill some of them. I know my CTB thoughts are present in phases they appear and disappear in regular intervals of time this forum literally helped me survived the newest one.

 

[995]

if I survive the attempt

 

[ihatemylife]

I'm a freaking scardey cat - not sure why it really couldn't be worse that this existence. We have way less control of this body then you would think.

 

[meetapple]

An irrational hope that things will get better and fear of causing pain to loved ones.

 

[rozzy]

I'm starting to feel better on an antidepressant but part of me still wants to Ctb.

Yes.. the cycle. But the principal reason for being alive is cowardice :(

 

[FuneralCry]

I am still alive as suicide is difficult. If it was easier to exit, I would already be gone. We are programmed to survive, after all, methods can fail and the society denies us access to the peaceful methods. I am very tired of life, but I know eventually I will get desperate.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

I dont want to ruin christmas

 

[Oh_dear_how_Gastly]

I'm too chickenshit.

 

[Beeper]

I'm starting to feel better on an antidepressant but part of me still wants to Ctb.

It is great to hear that you are feeling better. Keep up the good work.

I am also starting to feel better, though it is related to discontinuation of certain meds.

 

[stellabelle]

I'm starting to feel better on an antidepressant but part of me still wants to Ctb.

None.
No reason at all.
I have done all that I can do in life, and that will not change my past or my future.
I am a waste of space, one more four limbed piece of walking bacteria contaminating the earth with my existence. A waste.

But you know there is love in this world, that it may be abstract, collective, or distant.

People destroy people from the inside out and then ask why? People are sadistic, people are evil, people are cruel.
But they are also kind from time to time.

 

[Arrow]

I want to live and be happy.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

My family; it would destroy my son, who is sensitive and very likely somewhere on the spectrum. My husband who has taken care of me in one form or another for over 30 years now. I simply cannot do that to them.

And, admittedly, I don't really want to die; I'm simply exhausted of living.

 

[PrisonBreak]

Fear of surviving an attempt and end up being a veggie.

 

[LittleJem]

I've gotta tidy up and move house first.

I also just increased medication, been about four days. So trying to wait 12 weeks to see if it works.

Finally: drugs. The best thing in my life. I've currently had no weed for 3 days and it's shyte without it.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

I've gotta tidy up and move house first.

I also just increased medication, been about four days. So trying to wait 12 weeks to see if it works.

Finally: drugs. The best thing in my life. I've currently had no weed for 3 days and it's shyte without it.

Really hoping the meds. work for you. It's great that you're trying them.

 

[4eyebiped]

Three of my reasons may seem a bit odd but here they are...

One, at the ripe age of 46, it annoys me to die now without justifying all these years of living miserably. Ever since my early teens I have suffered greatly from depression, which has had a detrimental accumulative affect over the years. Wish I could explore and learn before leaving. I have always been a highly curious person.

Two, I hate the thoughts that of what little I own, will most likely get sold off cheap and in turn others will enjoy the things I weren't able to or profit off my death. This bothers me for some reason. Mostly the thoughts of some rich person profiting. Wouldn't bother me as much if someone appreciative got it, respected and used it. Sadly, it takes too much time and effort to sell things.

Third, while most of the guys I hear here want to simply get laid, which is perfectly fine, I want to find someone I am mentally and physically attracted to, and them to me, and explore them both mentally and physically. Sex is great but doesn't quite have the depth I seek. Women are such lovely creatures, on so many levels, one must take their time and savor the moment. Intimacy on all levels is a sweet blend. I have always akin my hands exploring every inch of her like an ancient explorer mapping out the new world. While I can be highly vulgar, I have my romantic side as well. Variety is yet another spice of life.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Waiting for the mail to come in, and waiting for my order for a friend's bday present to come in so I can send it out. Nothing much motivates me otherwise.

 

[Hateyouprolife]

Since I can leave every moment, there is nothing to worry about. I am going to live like there is no tomorrow while also not ruining life.