Discussion What's your most "unconventional" form(s) of self harm?

[scary]

Making this thread so I can see whether or not i'm alone in this, but what's your most unconventional form(s) of self harm that don't involve things that most people would typically think of when they hear the term "self-harm"

I have a few that I can think of off the top of my head, one being doomscrolling various sites that are not good for one's mental health (digital self harm ig?) but the other is one I feel kinda stupid for. Sometimes if I have access to it in the house i'll eat things that i'm "allergic" to. Put in quotation marks because i'm not even sure if I'm properly allergic. I don't break out in hives or need to go to the hospital but I do get a sore/weird feeling in my throat and sometimes a dull ache in my head, both of which go away fine without meds after a couple of hours. I figure "i'm suicidal anyway, I might as well eat this and live with a bit of discomfort" I know allergens can worsen overtime though. Dying by frozen Reese cups is an interesting way to go out i'll say that.

 

[DecayAndAsh]

Idk how unconventional this is but I'll periodically stop my antidepressants cold turkey. I'll force myself to go through the withdrawal until I can't take it anymore and restart it. I know full well what happens when I do it, but I do it anyway.

 

[interna]

i guess whoring myself out

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

keeping myself cold or overheating myself. also ig not eating if im not doing good mentally.

 

[ladyofsorrows]

i have a pinterest board named "enhanced interrogation technique" that's basically just a board full of beautiful women i wish i looked like. but since i save posts to it super often, my pinterest homepage is full of those pictures so just opening pinterest is sh to me lol.

 

[charlavail]

probably scrolling websites and subreddits that aren't helpful to my mental health

 

[Asya]

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[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Making this thread so I can see whether or not i'm alone in this, but what's your most unconventional form(s) of self harm that don't involve things that most people would typically think of when they hear the term "self-harm"

I have a few that I can think of off the top of my head, one being doomscrolling various sites that are not good for one's mental health (digital self harm ig?) but the other is one I feel kinda stupid for. Sometimes if I have access to it in the house i'll eat things that i'm "allergic" to. Put in quotation marks because i'm not even sure if I'm properly allergic. I don't break out in hives or need to go to the hospital but I do get a sore/weird feeling in my throat and sometimes a dull ache in my head, both of which go away fine without meds after a couple of hours. I figure "i'm suicidal anyway, I might as well eat this and live with a bit of discomfort" I know allergens can worsen overtime though. Dying by frozen Reese cups is an interesting way to go out i'll say that.

Yes, i can equate with the doomscrolling thing. I absolutely doomscroll things that are bad for my mental health. I've gotten to where I want to keep myself in a negative state so I don't pull away from my desire to kill myself. Because I know it will just come back anyway with a vengeance.

Edit to add: sometimes after I've let my leg hair grow, I'll pluck individual hairs because that sting is so satisfying.

 

[_wishforwings]

I have dermatillomania, which is basically where you pick at your skin, for me it's the skin on my fingers and it's to the point where my thumbs are permanently discolored, even though i'm a bit better about not doing it now. It can be emotional regulation but I also think I use it as a self harm tbh.

 

[just a bird]

scrolling through old text messages, either from when people have made the stupid decision to take a fight digital or from when I made the stupid decision to try and tell someone how I was feeling.

 

[insectontrial]

I'm autistic and have indeterminate colitis. I will eat foods that don't "agree" with me so I rapidly lose weight. I also have problems with abusing certain medications, such as bisacodyl laxatives, codeine, and promethazine (the latter two I'll take together in high quantities - I find promethazine switches off my feelings for a little while, makes me dissociate, and also makes me drowsy enough that I fall asleep and write off the rest of the day). When it comes to actual self-injury I hit my head off hard surfaces. I know it could make me go blind eventually, though, and that worries me a little because when I do eventually decide to CTB I'll need to be able to see what I'm doing. Bit of a tricky situation.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I pick at skin on my hands, or dig my thumbnail into my finger or fingernail into my thumb. If I'm out walking I can often find myself scratching/sawing my thumb with my key blade when my hands are in my pocket. Wearing shorts in winter to feel the cold. Sometimes scrolling here feels sh, sometimes it feels super helpful/beneficial. I have chronic back issues that come and go - I've noticed when its flaring up, then visible SH decreases massively (no new wounds/scabs) because I can just sit badly or move slightly and set my back off. Picking at scabs and squeezing spots - most often on my legs from ingrown hairs, but to the point of digging around with tweezers to 'get' the hair. Walking on the edge of a path and stamping on brambles to stop overgrowth/clear the path, but that kinda gives me 'natural' cat scratch wounds.

I just have learnt from experience that visible/obvious sh wounds create me more problems than they're worth. I wish (at the time) maybe for someone to notice and ask/say the 'right' things. Except that never can/will happen. And if I do get asked, I freeze and get so awkward and make the whole thing worse. So I seem to have adapted to lost of micro things that can be explained by 'life' activities.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

same as a couple other people who have replied, I have dermatillomania so I cannot leave my skin alone. My cuticles are permanently destroyed, I look like I have dandruff bc of how badly I pick my skull, and the skin around my nose is also destroyed. I can't leave scabs alone so I scar really badly.

Sometimes I stop taking my thyroid meds. I don't have a thyroid so I need them to survive, but it would take over a year to die without them.

I've also recently started doing partial suspension. It's lovely.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

I've also recently started doing partial suspension. It's lovely.

I know, right! I find it so exhilarating when I've just about blacked out lol

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

Getting tattoos with self-objectivation aspect. I do not recommend doing this. Really regret getting the last one which is not even fully done (had one session, and hopefully will not have another, but fighting self-harm compulsion is hard). Am considering to laser off it instead.

Also, I just realized that I got most tattoos during pandemic, then after popularization and enactment of anti-gender ideology (which also coincided with reaching out to queer communities but getting only shit as autistic person). I realize now that what pushes me to self-harm is disempowerment, and that engaging in self-harm behavior does not really help against disempowerment. But I can't find a way to stop self-harming by myself, still, and my experience with attempting to find or foster collective awareness is a streak of failures. Only can be sure that thinking about how it affects my image does not help in slightest, social judgment is a void concern to unconscious parasite that drives compulsion to self-harm. This I know, because I tried hard and not once to use it as an argument against getting this tattoo, and I still got it, and still can't resolve ambivalence about finishing it or getting rid of it.

Really, it would have been best not to be parented like shit and thus never develop self-harm compulsion in first place. Also I really loathe people who think it is some kind of fetish and that one "enjoys" it - it is involuntarily behavior pattern that arises from having been mentally (and sometimes physically) knee-capped throughout childhood by caregivers. I also loathe people who think shame can be a cure, not a cause, for self-harm behavior and for developing/escalating tendency to self-harm. Invisibility (invalidation) of suffering is also a form of disempowerment and hence a trigger for further self-harm.

As of late, I think I should have killed myself instead of trying to live so that I wouldn't come this far in self-harm. There appears to be no cure for it.

 

[Matchaaa]

I always tend to eat until I'm stuffed, which makes my stomach feel uncomfortable. Because of my long-term overeating, I'm very overweight.
This behavior has become an unconscious habit, and it's hard to control over the long term.
I also tend to scratch my scalp, which causes my hair to get oily and leads to dandruff.

 

[fatpigiee]

eating spoiled\ moldy food,not washing food before i eat them and eating the things that fell on the ground
not caring about my hygiene overall ,or brushing my hair \scrubbing my body too hard when i shower
rereading hurtful messages and not staying away from my parents when they're in a bad mood so they can hit me
not eating\drinking for days or over eating\drinking till im in pain and same with sleeping
wearing wet clothes in cold weather and a lot of layers in summer
i have a ton of these things , i think I'm basicly living a suicidal lifestyle.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

eating spoiled\ moldy food,not washing food before i eat them and eating the things that fell on the ground

Haha yup. I'll eat expired food and say to myself, "If it kills me, it kills me, isn't that the goal anyway?".

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I verbally tell myself I need to kill myself, its almost compulsive at this point. Ive also punched my chest and arm until its black and blue.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

I verbally tell myself I need to kill myself, its almost compulsive at this point. Ive also punched my chest and arm until its black and blue.

Yep. I tell myself every day, "Just do it and get it over with". And sometimes I'll punch myself repeatedly.

By the way, I find it hilarious when I'm walking through the store with these thoughts and then I see someone with the Nike shirt that says, "Just Do It" lol

 

[3rdworldsadness]

Talking with emotionally unavailable people and falling for them, sabotage myself, comparing my life and image, negative thoughts.

 

[default]

not taking care of myself/being unhygenic at times, being in a fwb with someone i have feelings for but could never date, doomscrolling which worsened my memory and ability to learn things.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

This thread has got me thinking. (Never a good thing). Another of mine has been holding too-hot water bottles, which can also be hot mugs. But a lot of people find comfort in a hot mug (e.g coffee or cocoa or even toddy). At what point does something comforting/snuggly/positive (a hot drink) suddenly become scary to society? Just because I disassociate and get burnt? Sometimes its intentional, sometimes its really not. But the only difference realistically is a few minutes or few degrees. The same could be said about scratching an allergy/itch vs then a point of drawing blood.

Urgh, my brain can't deal with this. Ha.

Probably overtired from lots of work shifts lately - maybe that's another one. Over-working overtime shifts. And liking having a shift job that messes my body clock.

But then so many life tasks are not necessarily 'pleasurable' - does that make them sh if we are actively choosing to do them rather than avoiding or finding alternatives? Sorry, taking it all a bit existentially all of a sudden.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

This thread has got me thinking. (Never a good thing). Another of mine has been holding too-hot water bottles, which can also be hot mugs. But a lot of people find comfort in a hot mug (e.g coffee or cocoa or even toddy). At what point does something comforting/snuggly/positive (a hot drink) suddenly become scary to society? Just because I disassociate and get burnt? Sometimes its intentional, sometimes its really not. But the only difference realistically is a few minutes or few degrees. The same could be said about scratching an allergy/itch vs then a point of drawing blood.

Urgh, my brain can't deal with this. Ha.

Probably overtired from lots of work shifts lately - maybe that's another one. Over-working overtime shifts. And liking having a shift job that messes my body clock.

But then so many life tasks are not necessarily 'pleasurable' - does that make them sh if we are actively choosing to do them rather than avoiding or finding alternatives? Sorry, taking it all a bit existentially all of a sudden.

You sound like me when I've not had enough sleep lol. And yeah, this totally makes sense. At what point does it cross the line to outright "self harm"? I really enjoy getting the water a little too hot, and feeling that burn. Or taking an ice pack, the side that says, "Do not apply directly to skin", and just placing it on my body. I have been trying to avoid cutting, because I just don't want anyone seeing anything.

 

[zerocontrol]

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[Star67]

I don't know how unconventional this is but I'll drink to oblivion throughout the day for weeks in a row. I've somehow been able to hold a job through these bouts although I'm currently off work for treatment. It eventually gets so bad after a few weeks that I can't eat without throwing up or sleep without waking up every other minute from insomnia. It's literal hell. But alcohol has me in its grips. It's the only thing that takes the edge off.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

[Hidden content]

I'm curious exactly what you mean by "practice"? If you don't mind me asking. I like to stick my head in my slipknot, get into position and wait until I'm almost blacked out to get back up. The feeling of being "that close" is so exhilarating. Although, the other day it went too far, and I'm not sure how I managed to get out of position haha.

I don't know how unconventional this is but I'll drink to oblivion throughout the day for weeks in a row. I've somehow been able to hold a job through these bouts although I'm currently off work for treatment. It eventually gets so bad after a few weeks that I can't eat without throwing up or sleep without waking up every other minute from insomnia. It's literal hell. But alcohol has me in its grips. It's the only thing that takes the edge off.

Ah, the alcohol! I had to go to detox a couple years ago because of the same thing. "One is too many, a thousand is never enough" lol.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Ig doomscrolling and ripping my nails until they bleed?

 

[zerocontrol]

I'm curious exactly what you mean by "practice"?

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[Forever Sleep]

I'm not sure if it can really be described as self harm- maybe more like self sabotage but- I neglect my living environment to the point it is disgusting to live in. So many things are now broken and I haven't replaced them. I'm using kettles for hot water at the moment. I haven't had a working shower for years. I was bathing- to clarify. Now, I'm washing from a bucket of water. I imagine there are better facilities in prison!