Do you feel like you'd receive proper medical/mental care if you did an attempt? Just genuinely asking. It depends heavily on the country you're in to determine how they will help you.
Have you tried talking to a therapist about your suicidality? That can be risky but worth considering if you haven't a lot of experience with psychologists.
Would it take going through an attempt just to get people to listen? Maybe that's the case. I can certainly understand how that feels. My pain was not acknowledged at crucial moments, when I needed help the most.
The guilt about the whole situation is very common. It seems (to the outside world) as though you were not really serieus if you do an attempt and survive. That's not true however and it exists just to give the non-suicidal people a sense of superiority. Please do not feel guilty, if you can.
It seems you're desperate for some relief. It all depends on the people around you, will they understand and be supportive? Or will they act as if nothing is wrong. (Or maybe they just get angry of course)
If nothing feels real anymore you might be dissociating. Just a guess though.
I can clearly see you're struggling. And I wish you the best. In the end, do whatever is best for you. But I also truly wish for things to turn around for you.
Edit: 'My pain was not acknowledged at crucial moments, when I needed help the most.'