swordman
New Member
- Apr 10, 2023
- 1
I have always been different from people. The love I feel is not from the same source as theirs. The things that sadden my heart are not the same as theirs. The song that brightens my heart is different. I have always seen the world and people in a strange, hallucinogenic way. This has been the case since my childhood. I have never had friends to share my pain with. All the people I have loved have been in my head, even those I thought were real turned out to be a part of my head, and all I got was pain and suffering. I have never harmed anyone, at least not that I can remember. I have always helped people when they needed it, even those I considered enemies. I have always been there for them, even when I am in the worst situation. I have never lied to people, I have always told them the truth, done things to make their day happy, even when I am broke. I don't like to say that I am a good and kind person, but I try every day to be like that. I try to be that friend who everyone can count on, that no matter how much time passes, you know you can count on that person. I have always tried to be a good boyfriend, always attentive, affectionate, loyal, and always open to dialogue and reflection. I have never hidden anything from anyone, I have always told the truth. People have hurt me so much that I blamed myself to the point of starting to mutilate myself, and I still blame myself for being hurt. I have always forgiven all the people who caused me any kind of harm. All the lies, all the humiliations, all the malicious laughter; All, without exception. I have never retaliated against them, even though sometimes I had the opportunity. I think no one deserves to be hurt, to go through the same pain. For some time now, I have felt overwhelming sadness in my chest, since the first hours of the day. I have no energy to get out of bed. I have no strength for anything. I'm getting away from people. I'm getting easily stressed out by anything. I can't stand going to school anymore, I can't stand staying at home, I can't stand being anywhere and I can't stand myself. I'm becoming apathetic. The world is breaking and losing its colors before my eyes, and I can't do anything to stop it. I have always had a flirtation with suicide, I have tried to kill myself three times and in all of them I failed, and every day I think about killing myself, but I'm afraid of failing again. Maybe I'm so stupid that I can't even kill myself. I would like to know what's wrong with me, and what I did to deserve so much pain. Sorry my bad English.
