Venting What's wrong with me?

[thevaccumguy]

I can't really wrap my head around this anymore. For as long as I can remember , I was the over-ambitious kid in the class, the one with absolute crazy dreams and goals. And for fuck's sake, I've been trying to. A top university, regular gym, kickboxing, , internships , swimming, piano - what a load of crap. Have you ever felt like you're trying way too hard in way too many things and absolutely nothing is working out? Like there's always something you'll fail to achieve, always someone who's better than you, and all that's left in your heart is self loathing?
And I never seem to have made any friends along the way. Like, how come I never had either a girlfriend OR a best friend all throughout school? Now that I look back, I've achieved a big fat nothing, no one to remember me or cry for me, just me and a room filled with prizes and certificates. I am as pathetic as it gets, right?
So, yeah, that's about it . I'm thinking about going for SN , mainly because it's easily obtainable here., and the instructions are fairly simple. As far as I'm concerned, my life is unsalvageable.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Like there's always something you'll fail to achieve, always someone who's better than you, and all that's left in your heart is self loathing?

Most people never come close to fulfilling their potential. There's always going to be someone better than you. Superiority is temporary. That's why they always recommend focusing on being the best version of you. Hyperfixation on being the best of all is a surefire way of spoiling your enjoyment of that thing.

Like, how come I never had either a girlfriend OR a best friend all throughout school?

Sounds like you were focused on other pursuits. There is a luck factor with relationships like with other things and sometimes you have to actively create opportunities instead of passively waiting for them to come along.

I am as pathetic as it gets, right?

Nope.

As far as I'm concerned, my life is unsalvageable.

From the admittedly little that you have shared it sounds like you have more of a solid base than many others here. Of course the only one who can decide if it's worth it is you.

 

[thevaccumguy]

Most people never come close to fulfilling their potential. There's always going to be someone better than you. Superiority is temporary. That's why they always recommend focusing on being the best version of you. Hyperfixation on being the best of all is a surefire way of spoiling your enjoyment of that thing.


Sounds like you were focused on other pursuits. There is a luck factor with relationships like with other things and sometimes you have to actively create opportunities instead of passively waiting for them to come along.


Nope.


From the admittedly little that you have shared it sounds like you have more of a solid base than many others here. Of course the only one who can decide if it's worth it is you.

I just......... don't have anything left, you know? Like, no contacts, no goals, heck, I barely have a hobby. I haven't watched anything in new in past six months, yt videos or anime. The feeling when you just woke up in the morning and feel like immediately going back to sleep, it's always that feeling for me nowadays. Thanks for the words tho. Appreciate it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I just......... don't have anything left, you know? Like, no contacts, no goals, heck, I barely have a hobby. I haven't watched anything in new in past six months, yt videos or anime. The feeling when you just woke up in the morning and feel like immediately going back to sleep, it's always that feeling for me nowadays. Thanks for the words tho. Appreciate it.

I get what feeling aimless and disconnected is like. Sounds like you need to spend some time thinking about what path you want to take.