What’s the point of making friends here

[FriesLovee]

Hi
It's such a sad feeling and it makes everything worse . I joined this site to hopefully make friends and I did and some few really good ones at that . Unfortunately I realized quickly that I can't do anything to try to even continue these friendship , my friends will end up eventually either ctb or hopefully recover . But we're here to be honest and I will be . It sucks and it's selfish for me to even think that . But f*** I hate this feeling . my friends used to play games with me and now we're adults and I feel like I'm the last one remaining . Everytime I play it reminds me of them and no game is enjoyable without them . Same will go for this site . My goal was to make long term friends here because u can actually talk about Anything Here without being judged .
I hate to see an amazing person ctb , and for my friends that will hopefully recover I will be so sad that we won't talk as much . Makes me really miss them even if I know them for a week . I don't think it matters how long u know someone , I can meet someone for a week and feel like they've been a better friend than anyone else I've had .
Anyways I'm just rambling about nothing , it's just gonna suck when people move on from you whether they recover or ctb

 

[opheliaoveragain]

It's not a simple thing at all, it's honestly quite complex. If you enter into a friendship knowing the other persons wants (whether CTB or not) and when you have friends, you want to see them be ok, and sometimes that means them leaving this place forever. It is absolutely emotionally complicated as hell but I feel honored to have earned the trust of anyone to trust me in their final days or moments, as life has done so many of us badly. We should just try to be good to each other. My first friend here moved further into recovery and even though we don't talk like before, I hope the best for them. Your feelings are valid<3 it's ok to feel sad about it, that's not what I'm trying to say. It is human to feel sad when someone moves out of our reality, alive or not.<3

 

[willitpass]

I keep myself arms length from everyone here. It's unhealthy to get attached to someone knowing you or them may CTB at any time. And mentally ill people aren't always the most stable in general. It's a recipe to get hurt. I have people I enjoy chatting with in threads from time to time but I wouldn't let myself become a true friend to someone here. The risk is not worth any potential reward.

 

[FriesLovee]

I keep myself arms length from everyone here. It's unhealthy to get attached to someone knowing you or them may CTB at any time. And mentally ill people aren't always the most stable in general. It's a recipe to get hurt. I have people I enjoy chatting with in threads from time to time but I wouldn't let myself become a true friend to someone here. The risk is not worth any potential reward.

It's so hard I don't want to get attached but I get attached to people so easily even after talking a bit( good talks ) . One of my many issues . In real life I have no issues with this because I can see them irl. On this site it's so hard because they could just deactivated / leave / ctb / recover and leave .

 

[dune_dweller]

You have it view it from the perspective of just appreciating what you have in the moment, knowing it's fleeting.

All of my positive associations with people I cared about are now gone.

But I still appreciate the fact that I got to know those people or have experiences with them.

 

[FriesLovee]

It's not a simple thing at all, it's honestly quite complex. If you enter into a friendship knowing the other persons wants (whether CTB or not) and when you have friends, you want to see them be ok, and sometimes that means them leaving this place forever. It is absolutely emotionally complicated as hell but I feel honored to have earned the trust of anyone to trust me in their final days or moments, as life has done so many of us badly. We should just try to be good to each other. My first friend here moved further into recovery and even though we don't talk like before, I hope the best for them. Your feelings are valid<3 it's ok to feel sad about it, that's not what I'm trying to say. It is human to feel sad when someone moves out of our reality, alive or not.<3

I hate these feelings I'm hopeless . Talking to people here feels so good and fulfilling and healthy . But it may not be after all . Truly don't know what to do.

You have it view it from the perspective of just appreciating what you have in the moment, knowing it's fleeting.

All of my positive associations with people I cared about are now gone.

But I still appreciate the fact that I got to know those people or have experiences with them.

I can't do that it hurts too much . We're just different I guess and I envy u for being able to do that

 

[opheliaoveragain]

You have it view it from the perspective of just appreciating what you have in the moment, knowing it's fleeting.

All of my positive associations with people I cared about are now gone.

But I still appreciate the fact that I got to know those people or have experiences with them.

Def relate to this.

 

[TenThousandTrees]

It's not ideal but it's becoming hard for me to make connections with "normal" people now. I've enjoyed the little conversations I've had with people here so far and that's a good enough reason for me.

 

[Unbolted0605]

I think a lot of people from here don't ctb in the end, and I think that's a good thing. People come here because they're experiencing suicidality, and why shouldn't they talk to others who feel the same way? I think it's good. Lots of people think that people should only talk about this in the Official Talking Spaces where they should say only the Official Things and oh, by the way, here's the Official Helpline that you've been given the number for a million times.

For myself, I came here because of my overriding need for a backup plan. If I don't have a backup plan, I get obsessed and anxious and I can't think about anything else or be at peace. The information here gave me my backup plan(s), which may or may not become my primary plan, depending on events.

Anyway, blah. What I wanted to say is, yes - if people ctb, indeed you will lose them, and that sucks. On the other hand, you can bring understanding, connection, and humanity to their lives and your own in the meantime. Everything is temporary, in the end, with no exceptions, although on here - yes, on average, probably more temporary than most places.

But if people DON'T ctb - on which you can have a modest but measurable effect, if you choose - and recover, there is no reason at all that you can't remain friends with them. I wouldn't suggest giving out your contact details on here until you've known someone for a year or more, and even then, I would give a second burner contact (because I doubt PMs on here are encrypted) that can later be used to give out a more permanent contact. (Note: watch out for psychos, suicide/death fetishists, feds, power trippers, straight-up murderers, and so on... people will show you who they are, eventually; do not be quick to trust, be quick to distrust)

But anyway, a shared 'hobby' or interest like this is a strong starting point for a deeper connection, and whatever else is the case, at least you can be relatively confident that the people on here understand what it's like to have MH problems. If a year seems like a long time, I think it's not, and I suspect that most people who recover continue to hang around here for quite a while.

I'm not expecting to make friends while here. If I do, I accept that it's likely to be temporary (although this is, with very few exceptions, the norm anyway). I've just decided to do what good I can while I'm here, because I was lurking anyway.

Managing to do good things while following the rules of the site, the laws of my country, my own moral code, and my perception of 'sensible conduct in the situation as I understand it' is an interesting puzzle, if nothing else.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

Like dune_dweller said, you just interact with others knowing that it's temporary. Tbh, this extends to most relationships or circumstances in life. Nothing lasts forever, and anything or anyone can be taken from you at any moment. So you just enjoy the experiences you do have and when it's over, it's over. Enjoy people's company while they're here, and never expect it to last longer than it lasts.

I get that everyone is different, and many people don't form attachments that way. But at least for here on the forum, you gotta treat everyone like they'll be gone tomorrow, cause they very well might be. You can keep each other at arms length, but that doesn't mean you can't touch, if that makes any sense. It's a balancing act, I suppose. But I think viable friendships can be made here if both parties go into it recognizing and understanding the situation.

 

[-Link-]

One thing that can (somewhat) help is to look at it from the perspective that even though they're gone now, you were at least able to be their companion and support them and show them understanding and care in their final days or weeks -- something that they likely wouldn't have gotten IRL for having to hide all of this from their loved ones.

I mean, do you realize how huge that is?

Going forward, if you feel you need to better protect yourself, emotionally, then I would suggest in the early stages of connecting with another member here, you have a frank conversation with them about this. Talk to them about some of the concerns you've already told us here. If there's a connection building between you and someone else here, I think it's fair to ask them point-blank what their short-term, mid-term, and long-term intentions are with regard to CTB. You can check out their post history too.

But no matter how much risk assessment you do, if you connect with other members here on a regular basis, you're very likely going to experience another loss at some point. You've gotten a lot of good advice from people in here already with ideas about how to navigate this. While I hope you're able to protect yourself emotionally as best you can in the future, I also hope you don't isolate yourself. There has to be a balance in there somewhere, and I hope you'll be able to find it.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I have to be very careful about connecting with people here. Even reading goodbye posts from people who I have never interacted with is incredibly difficult. Seeing people disappear who I have interacted with is even harder. I know it's the nature of this place though, so I just try to keep my walls up and not get too close because I just can't handle it. It is sad because I am an incredibly lonely person, but I do not know what else to do.

 

[FriesLovee]

I have to be very careful about connecting with people here. Even reading goodbye posts from people who I have never interacted with is incredibly difficult. Seeing people disappear who I have interacted with is even harder. I know it's the nature of this place though, so I just try to keep my walls up and not get too close because I just can't handle it. It is sad because I am an incredibly lonely person, but I do not know what else to do.

True …

 

[Hollowman]

I've never made a friend here. The concept of online friends is strange to me but I am dysfunctional af.

 

[FriesLovee]

I've never made a friend here. The concept of online friends is strange to me but I am dysfunctional af.

If u don't wanna have ur heartbroken then don't make friends but if u do wanna make friends just be yourself and try to message people after reading their post and if their post relate to you then it's a starting point for the convo

 

[Hollowman]

If u don't wanna have ur heartbroken then don't make friends but if u do wanna make friends just be yourself and try to message people after reading their post and if their post relate to you then it's a starting point for the convo

I don't have much of a heart anymore and I can't be myself, my identity got obliterated decades ago. Thanks for the advice though.

 

[wondering&wandering]

Hi
It's such a sad feeling and it makes everything worse . I joined this site to hopefully make friends and I did and some few really good ones at that . Unfortunately I realized quickly that I can't do anything to try to even continue these friendship , my friends will end up eventually either ctb or hopefully recover .

Hey Fries, I know what you mean. I came to this site in a duel purpose of finding people to talk to as well as motivated by my own ctb thoughts. I think it's good to understand that this site shouldn't be thought of as a place to find friends, but rather as a place to find comfort and to comfort; to understand ctb as we come to terms with our methods and ourselves; to be authentic and to validate fellow people who have been shunned; to build a community with an understanding of how close we all dance with death, whether physical or mental.

But we're here to be honest and I will be . It sucks and it's selfish for me to even think that . But f*** I hate this feeling . my friends used to play games with me and now we're adults and I feel like I'm the last one remaining . Everytime I play it reminds me of them and no game is enjoyable without them . Same will go for this site . My goal was to make long term friends here because u can actually talk about Anything Here without being judged .
I hate to see an amazing person ctb , and for my friends that will hopefully recover I will be so sad that we won't talk as much . Makes me really miss them even if I know them for a week . I don't think it matters how long u know someone , I can meet someone for a week and feel like they've been a better friend than anyone else I've had .

I mostly get what you mean (never grew up playing games with friends), but that feeling of being able to talk about anything here and to make friends in the face of our potential deaths is an ironic high and low bundled together. It definitely sucks. But one can learn to appreciate it before one's own time is up.

Anyways I'm just rambling about nothing , it's just gonna suck when people move on from you whether they recover or ctb

You're not rambling. You're doing exactly what you should: being honest with yourself with others. That's not easy. Your feelings are totally valid. I hope those sad feelings don't turn you bitter. Bitterness is hard to eliminate once it eats you up.

Feel free to PM if you'd like. I wish you peace regardless.

You have it view it from the perspective of just appreciating what you have in the moment, knowing it's fleeting.

Totally agree. This is a good answer.

All of my positive associations with people I cared about are now gone.

But I still appreciate the fact that I got to know those people or have experiences with them.

You're very strong and mature to have this level of appreciation. I wish you the best!

 

[FriesLovee]

Hey Fries, I know what you mean. I came to this site in a duel purpose of finding people to talk to as well as motivated by my own ctb thoughts. I think it's good to understand that this site shouldn't be thought of as a place to find friends, but rather as a place to find comfort and to comfort; to understand ctb as we come to terms with our methods and ourselves; to be authentic and to validate fellow people who have been shunned; to build a community with an understanding of how close we all dance with death, whether physical or mental.

I mostly get what you mean (never grew up playing games with friends), but that feeling of being able to talk about anything here and to make friends in the face of our potential deaths is an ironic high and low bundled together. It definitely sucks. But one can learn to appreciate it before one's own time is up.

You're not rambling. You're doing exactly what you should: being honest with yourself with others. That's not easy. Your feelings are totally valid. I hope those sad feelings don't turn you bitter. Bitterness is hard to eliminate once it eats you up.

Feel free to PM if you'd like. I wish you peace regardless.

Totally agree. This is a good answer.

You're very strong and mature to have this level of appreciation. I wish you the best!

Thanks u seem very wise*

 

[wondering&wandering]

Thanks u seem very wise*

Thanks for the compliment!

 

[athiestjoe]

I keep in mind that people here have the same desire as me to CTB so while I can form appreciation and respect folks, I remember that is temporary (just like my time living). I don't come in here trying to make friends although I can be FRIENDLY with people, I don't try to form any sort of long-term friendships as I don't want to exist long term and if I did then that is also fine but I'd be on recovery centered sites instead of this one if that was the case.

It doesn't take much for me to nice and friendly and I would never be rude or a jerk to folks, but that also doesn't mean I am trying to make friends.

Not sure if that makes any sense at all.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I keep in mind that people here have the same desire as me to CTB so while I can form appreciation and respect folks, I remember that is temporary (just like my time living). I don't come in here trying to make friends although I can be FRIENDLY with people, I don't try to form any sort of long-term friendships as I don't want to exist long term and if I did then that is also fine but I'd be on recovery centered sites instead of this one if that was the case.

It doesn't take much for me to nice and friendly and I would never be rude or a jerk to folks, but that also doesn't mean I am trying to make friends.

Not sure if that makes any sense at all.

this makes sense. respect. we are all different.