Venting What's the point in recovery if it doesn't work

[everydayiloveyou]

I've been trying to recover for years, I've tried so many things. I exercised and ate healthier. I went outside more. I meditated. I did my homework early. I got a job, then another, then two at once. I've never drank or done drugs. I went to therapy many times and put a genuine effort during all my sessions even though I always walk out feeling hopeless, lied to, and babied after every session. I still come back the next week with my homework done and having tried the exposure activity.

Meds are my last hope. But i dont even know if that'll help. I'm gonna try it anyways but I've heard that meds make suicidal ideation worse, especially in younger people. And my issue isn't even depression! My social anxiety is what's destroying everything and making me so depressed. Apparently the only class of medication that comes close to treating SA properly (MAOIs) are almost never prescribed because the side effects and food restrictions are so severe.

People always say therapy is the answer, I say that shit too, but in reality if you have a severe mental illness you're pretty much severely fucked, and up the ass too. I'm sick of hearing that Kendall Jenner also feels nervous when she's out shopping for Birkins or whatever. I don't want to hear that Robin Williams also had depression as if knowing he ended up commiting suicide will somehow make me feel better. Everyone has bad days but Karen in Accounting with her farmhouse dream life has very different bad days than I do.

What's the point????? I've tried really hard and it hasn't been worth it. In fact it seems that with every new thing I try, the extent of the debilitation just becomes more and more obvious. How can anyone live like this? How do doctors, teachers, and the people who say they love me see how I live and still have the nerve to say that I am living a full life?? How do they see how people treat me and the problems I have and still try to convince me that nothing is happening, I just need to try harder and believe in myself???

I'm grateful for this site because at least yall understand. I wish no one would feel the need to commit suicide but I get it. I hope if yall havent gotten help yet, that you can try it and it works out for you. It feels shitty that it hasn't changed the trajectory of my life at all. I'm still gonna die young to this illness.

 

[juraviel]

well, pretty much nobody on this forums is gonna tell you that life can get better. you probably don't want to hear this at this point anyway. i do have to express my gripe with recent posts at least once though. if you're young, and suffering, you need to try things. for real. if somebody's young that's sufficient evidence for me they couldn't have tried many things to improve their mental wellbeing, because they simply didn't have the time to yet.

social anxiety is very treatable and you can get prescribed MAOIs after you fail other meds (you're probably talking about phenelzine). side effects and food risks are greatly exaggerated, i recommend following (and informing your psychiatrist) of the work of dr ken gillman who runs a website that details those things very well, you can also contact him for a list of physicians if you live in the US.

to your point - regular people can't understand this, will never understand it, and need not be listened to. that's the work of the therapist to make you realise there's other people like you, and that they were able to help them. you dont need society acceptance, at all

since i joined this forum a week ago i felt my suicidality decrease a lot. that is because i found out theres options readily available (namely, SN) that i can use at any time if things get very bad, and i dont need to rush with my departure like I previously thought to - in my mental condition, as my mood worsens, i become so brain fogged that figuring out how to hang myself already gets too hard. but i can get everything i need for CBT ready to use at any time and that give me peace of mind - that's up to the person though i guess, could be the opposite for others.

hope this helps.. i wanted to write something uplifting at least a little bit, you dont come to SS to receive help (other than to ctb'ing) i know, but soo many mental conditions can be treated in today's worlds there's hundreds of option available in terms of different drug and supplements routes, ayurvedic medicine, chinese medicine, meditation etc etc

 

[motel rooms]

if somebody's young that's sufficient evidence for me they couldn't have tried many things to improve their mental wellbeing, because they simply didn't have the time to yet.

Really? Ever heard of early diagnoses?

social anxiety is very treatable

So OP is lying about their experience?

I've been trying to recover for years, I've tried so many things. I exercised and ate healthier. I went outside more. I meditated. I did my homework early. I got a job, then another, then two at once. I've never drank or done drugs. I went to therapy many times and put a genuine effort during all my sessions even though I always walk out feeling hopeless, lied to, and babied after every session. I still come back the next week with my homework done and having tried the exposure activity.

Meds are my last hope. But i dont even know if that'll help. I'm gonna try it anyways but I've heard that meds make suicidal ideation worse, especially in younger people. And my issue isn't even depression! My social anxiety is what's destroying everything and making me so depressed. Apparently the only class of medication that comes close to treating SA properly (MAOIs) are almost never prescribed

soo many mental conditions can be treated in today's worlds there's hundreds of option available in terms of different drug and supplements routes, ayurvedic medicine, chinese medicine, meditation etc etc

Sooo true. I highly recommend drinking Chinese bat piss & sucking on dried monkey balls, it's done wonders for my c-PTSD

 

[everydayiloveyou]

well, pretty much nobody on this forums is gonna tell you that life can get better. you probably don't want to hear this at this point anyway. i do have to express my gripe with recent posts at least once though. if you're young, and suffering, you need to try things. for real. if somebody's young that's sufficient evidence for me they couldn't have tried many things to improve their mental wellbeing, because they simply didn't have the time to yet.

social anxiety is very treatable and you can get prescribed MAOIs after you fail other meds (you're probably talking about phenelzine). side effects and food risks are greatly exaggerated, i recommend following (and informing your psychiatrist) of the work of dr ken gillman who runs a website that details those things very well, you can also contact him for a list of physicians if you live in the US.

to your point - regular people can't understand this, will never understand it, and need not be listened to. that's the work of the therapist to make you realise there's other people like you, and that they were able to help them. you dont need society acceptance, at all

since i joined this forum a week ago i felt my suicidality decrease a lot. that is because i found out theres options readily available (namely, SN) that i can use at any time if things get very bad, and i dont need to rush with my departure like I previously thought to - in my mental condition, as my mood worsens, i become so brain fogged that figuring out how to hang myself already gets too hard. but i can get everything i need for CBT ready to use at any time and that give me peace of mind - that's up to the person though i guess, could be the opposite for others.

hope this helps.. i wanted to write something uplifting at least a little bit, you dont come to SS to receive help (other than to ctbt'ing) i know, but soo many mental conditions can be treated in today's worlds there's hundreds of option available in terms of different drug and supplements routes, ayurvedic medicine, chinese medicine, meditation etc etc

I just wanna say I appreciate you for this. I come on to SS for similar reasons actually, most of the time I do my best to feel positive about recovery with a pro-choice slant, and I stick to the Recovery forum mostly, but other times I reflect on it all and there's no point. I was first going to commit suicide when I was 14 (I'm 21 now) and back then it was horrible and the urgency was definitely there. Since finding SS when I was in my late teens, I don't feel a huge urgency to ctb anymore but sometimes the feeling overcomes me yknow? I still have a time limit but it's a few years out rather than next week. I am young, but I've spent more than half my life dealing with anxiety already.

I did take supplements (vit D, B, and iron) back when things were at its worse, I also exercised way more and got more sunlight than I do now lol but it didn't seem to help. Addiction runs in my family too, so I try to avoid potentially addictive substances just in case.

I'm going to bring up dr. ken gillman to my psychiatrist for sure! I was also wanting to tell them more about my concern about meds increasing suicidal thoughts. I need to get my lab results first though, I've always been very healthy but they are gonna try and see if other things can be ruled out that I haven't been tested for before. I really hope I don't have to go through a bunch of crap SSRIs before finding something that works but it's my last hope.

The thing about societal acceptance and social anxiety is that the anxious behaviors make people dislike/alienate/avoid you. So you end up having lots of problems at work and school for things you can't really help. The worst part is that once you're known as the excessively shy person, it's very hard to break out of that. Part of my therapy has been reaching out at school/work, but it's difficult because people have a negative opinion of me already. Things go badly, not well like my therapists predict, and sometimes they don't know how to handle it when I come back with bad news about an exposure. I can't get new jobs easily because of the anxiety, and now that I'm in university I can't just change schools or classes just because I embarrassed myself or whatever. Acceptance is a big part of anxiety treatment but it's very frustrating and shitty to face that you need to accept that kind of life. It's definitely not how I want to live since I enjoy talking to people and doing social things.

 

[juraviel]

i can tell you're angry at the world @hotelbeneathground. i'm sure you have good reason to. but being this cynical is a detriment only to yourself. by alternative medicine i dont mean homeopathy. but rather things like nootropics, adaptogens, psychedelics

@everydayiloveyou awesome, im glad you didn't take it the wrong way. first, you may want do consider a genetic test that tells you which medications have better chance to work than others, for example something called Self Decode. well benzos work great for anxiety, but can lead to addiction and prolly shouldnt be first line of treatment. SSRIs get a bad rap sometimes but it's not the worst option for anxiety specifically, and unless you're willing to lie you're going to have to try 'em before going with the stronger/more direct stuff.

i used to be incredibly socially anxious. i moved abroad with my parents at the age of 14 to a country i've never been to, not knowing the language or anything, it was very hard for many years. ultimately what helped was moving back to where im from once i became an adult (i know that doesnt help, lol). it does however sound like you made this shyness part of your identity and that doesn't have to be the case forever and it's something you can work on in therapy. by the way if you're not happy with your therapist just change him. it's really hard to find a decent one but it's worth it

 

[motel rooms]

i can tell you're angry at the world @hotelbeneathground. i'm sure you have good reason to. but being this cynical is a detriment only to yourself. by alternative medicine i dont mean homeopathy. but rather things like noootropics, adaptogens, psychedelics

Heal thyself first, Mr. Expert. And learn more about all the crap the Chinese use in their "medicine"

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Meds, therapy, meditation and whatnot can help some, but, unfortunately, not everyone. As I understood, in your case it was "shot and missed". I'm sorry it was like that for you. I'm not being such a good student as you were, regarding recovery, but I also tried. And whatever bits of hope I had before, even after I decided to kms, I don't have anymore. I guess I'm just trying to say, that some people can be helped and some cannot.

 

[The Lonely]

If it is your environment is hurting you... medication is not going to help

Therapy in a situation where you can't improve your life (like in a practical way)…. is the equivalent to torture…
(But I don't believe it is your case since your are totally functional)…

If you engage in medication please tell the doctor about the chronic suicidal ideation!
Not in order to get hospitalized, or sedated, but In order to not receive meds who will make this worse!

<By chronic suicidally I refer a situation where they wouldn't gain anything by cutting off your liberty, for example… (since you always have felt like this)… Which is different of people who get triggered by an event like breaking up a relationship… etc… and wants to CTB>…

To threat your social anxiety it could be expected a medication like an antidepressant (at very low dose) and a medication to use At Moments you need to go through these anxious situations.

I wish you the best!

Sending hugs! :)

 

[Snake of Eden]

With depression, Meds seem to help some and from what I seen or heard very very few can benefit from psychiatry with depression. I dont recommend going the psychiatry route if your issue is depression. If it is anxiety then psychiatry is more capable of providing some relief/

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this, I understand it can be a hopeless feeling when you try to recover and yet nothing makes you feel better. Living really is tiring. The way I see it therapy only helps certain people depending on what they are going through, and provides no benefit for others. No amount of talking would make me feel better personally, my issues are complex and unfixable. I wish you the best.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

The only thing I see remotely positive is one has somewhere to go and something to do. Whether or not it is triggering is another thing.

Good meds can konk someone out. That's a positive I guess.