What's the point in being here if a single person does not or cannot prioritize you.

[iojaiselaa]

Something I've been thinking about a lot over the past year and a half. What causes me sadness is not just the isolation - it's that not a single soul my entire life will, or can choose me.
I had to go NC with abusive family, after I realized they are just enablers, abusive or apathetic to the abuse of others they claim to love.

My parents were two people that shouldn't have ever had children, as they were too selfish to provide a quality of life prioritizing these children. My father abandoned us essentially and my mother has mental health issues that caused her to abuse me the entire time I was in contact with her.

I got in a relationship with a man child who had a chip on his shoulder I was no match for. I didn't realize this, because I loved him. I got pregnant, had the whole conversation and many others with him - just for him to turn around and get worse. No, I didn't have the baby to "save" anything. I thought we were getting married. I gave everything I had and realized he just didn't love me. He chose himself.

I have a beautiful child, love her to literal death. She is the best thing of my life. She is exempt from this, as I take care of her. She's not there to fill anything in life I may lack. My responsibility is to make her feel loved until I'm not here anymore.

I had a best friend who ghosted me while she was going through troubles, because she had a good mother and siblings who look out for each other. She didn't need me. I still love her, but I had to change my outlook on our relationship because the reasons she told me amounted to my life being too sad and I confided too much. I don't blame her, it is just always devastating to realize over and over again nobody chooses you. How easy it is to sever a line you thought was strong.

Another best friend I gained, and a small circle of friends have been a blessing despite my desire to exit. I have made some beautiful memories, they have supported me where they can and I wouldn't have gotten this far without them. However, they are all literally in relationships, with decent family or inlaws, and a support system.

I am shown all the time what I lack, how pathetic my existence is, and proving even more I just wasn't meant to exist.

I don't want to do all this alone. But they don't tell you that certain things just write your future forever.

Sorry, I know I sound lonely and pathetic but I'm tired of having so little options.

 

[Yume Nikki]

My ex abandoned me, a close friend blocked me after a year on discord, and I keep getting ghosted by people left and right. I barely speak to my toxic family and the guy I am talking to doesn't even care about my problems and just uses me as background noise.

I still don't even know why I choose to be here myself, I've just come to a conclusion that people suck and are temporary. Even if they promise to stay forever, it doesn't mean that they will like my ex did. He ghosted me out of nowhere and I can't reach him no matter what. I still miss the time we spent together, but I didn't know it wouldn't last.

It's not pathetic to want to feel a connection with somebody, we are naturally driven to want to be with others, whether it be romantic or platonic. Humans are just selfish unfortunately, and there's nothing we can do about it.

 

[Regen]

I can feel your pain reading this. I'm very sorry. There is inner loneliness and outer loneliness. When both come together it is doubly painful.

When it comes to external loneliness, I always find it helpful to look for people who are in similar situations. Even single parents with mental health problems, for example. There are so many mothers like that! It could just be difficult to find them, so you may have to search through different ways. Then there are also older people who are very alone and would like to be grandmas because they have no family of their own. Finding someone like that would be great.

Working with the inner child could help with inner loneliness. I do schema therapy, that has really improved things a bit. Also meetings helped me, there are meetings for adult people who are growing up in disfunctional families for example.

It is very difficult to be alone with your child. And there are other mothers who feel the same way. It's such a shame that sometimes it's hard to find each other.

Thank you for continuing to fight for your child. I know how difficult it is sometimes.

 

[iojaiselaa]

I can feel your pain reading this. I'm very sorry. There is inner loneliness and outer loneliness. When both come together it is doubly painful.

When it comes to external loneliness, I always find it helpful to look for people who are in similar situations. Even single parents with mental health problems, for example. There are so many mothers like that! It could just be difficult to find them, so you may have to search through different ways. Then there are also older people who are very alone and would like to be grandmas because they have no family of their own. Finding someone like that would be great.

Working with the inner child could help with inner loneliness. I do schema therapy, that has really improved things a bit. Also meetings helped me, there are meetings for adult people who are growing up in disfunctional families for example.

It is very difficult to be alone with your child. And there are other mothers who feel the same way. It's such a shame that sometimes it's hard to find each other.

Thank you for continuing to fight for your child. I know how difficult it is sometimes.

Thankyou. I'm at the point I'm not sure what I want in that regard. I just want it everyday,and especially on the hardest day. I read an urban fantasy that the MC said to her future love interest.

"When I come crawling home, bleeding and filthy and exhausted, the house is dark and empty. Nobody keeps the porch light on for me. Nobody hugs me and says, 'Hey, I'm glad you made it. I'm glad you're okay. I was worried.' Nobody cares if I live or die. Nobody makes me coffee, nobody holds me before I go to bed, nobody fixes my medicine when I'm sick. I'm by myself."

And that's not true for me all the time, but it is truea lot of the time and extends as far as it can with friends that have other obligations and people they have to prioritize first. And I can't burden them with needs that are not theirs to take on. I know I sound shitty, but I don't know how to explain the feeling of wanting a hug on a bad day and having to swallow it. Cry quietly and then sing the Bluey theme song.

But seeing people with parents, partners or siblings who actually love them is hard. I would've done with either, but it's hard to accept sometimes I struck out on all of it.

And that it's somehow my responsibility to build a foundation I should've already had in some capacity. It's not fair.

I'm told I have to accept the lonely moments, and appreciate the ones where I'm not. I appreciate the ones where I'm not and I resent every choice that brought me to the reality of hoping I don't die in the house and not having an emergency contact.

My ex abandoned me, a close friend blocked me after a year on discord, and I keep getting ghosted by people left and right. I barely speak to my toxic family and the guy I am talking to doesn't even care about my problems and just uses me as background noise.

I still don't even know why I choose to be here myself, I've just come to a conclusion that people suck and are temporary. Even if they promise to stay forever, it doesn't mean that they will like my ex did. He ghosted me out of nowhere and I can't reach him no matter what. I still miss the time we spent together, but I didn't know it wouldn't last.

It's not pathetic to want to feel a connection with somebody, we are naturally driven to want to be with others, whether it be romantic or platonic. Humans are just selfish unfortunately, and there's nothing we can do about it.

And I feel very selfish about wanting more and wanting to be somebody's first choice.

 

[Regen]

Thankyou. I'm at the point I'm not sure what I want in that regard. I just want it everyday,and especially on the hardest day. I read an urban fantasy that the MC said to her future love interest.

"When I come crawling home, bleeding and filthy and exhausted, the house is dark and empty. Nobody keeps the porch light on for me. Nobody hugs me and says, 'Hey, I'm glad you made it. I'm glad you're okay. I was worried.' Nobody cares if I live or die. Nobody makes me coffee, nobody holds me before I go to bed, nobody fixes my medicine when I'm sick. I'm by myself."

And that's not true for me all the time, but it is truea lot of the time and extends as far as it can with friends that have other obligations and people they have to prioritize first. And I can't burden them with needs that are not theirs to take on. I know I sound shitty, but I don't know how to explain the feeling of wanting a hug on a bad day and having to swallow it. Cry quietly and then sing the Bluey theme song.

But seeing people with parents, partners or siblings who actually love them is hard. I would've done with either, but it's hard to accept sometimes I struck out on all of it.

And that it's somehow my responsibility to build a foundation I should've already had in some capacity. It's not fair.

I'm told I have to accept the lonely moments, and appreciate the ones where I'm not. I appreciate the ones where I'm not and I resent every choice that brought me to the reality of hoping I don't die in the house and not having an emergency contact.

And I feel very selfish about wanting more and wanting to be somebody's first choice.

It is a completely normal human need to want to be loved. This is nothing to be ashamed of or something that is selfish. Everything is right with you if you have this longing.

The text with the wish for the hug touched me. Almost all mothers in my environment also have a partner. It often tears me up with envy. I would also really like someone to love me and support me. The mothers with partners don't even know how valuable this is. It's so hard to always be alone. If I get too caught up in the desire for a partner, I really go crazy with the pain. That's why I focus on the things that I can influence better.

I think that without my psychologist my children would no longer have a mother. I'm really grateful that I found her. I so wish you can find the feeling of support and love too!!

 

[Yume Nikki]

Thankyou. I'm at the point I'm not sure what I want in that regard. I just want it everyday,and especially on the hardest day. I read an urban fantasy that the MC said to her future love interest.

"When I come crawling home, bleeding and filthy and exhausted, the house is dark and empty. Nobody keeps the porch light on for me. Nobody hugs me and says, 'Hey, I'm glad you made it. I'm glad you're okay. I was worried.' Nobody cares if I live or die. Nobody makes me coffee, nobody holds me before I go to bed, nobody fixes my medicine when I'm sick. I'm by myself."

And that's not true for me all the time, but it is truea lot of the time and extends as far as it can with friends that have other obligations and people they have to prioritize first. And I can't burden them with needs that are not theirs to take on. I know I sound shitty, but I don't know how to explain the feeling of wanting a hug on a bad day and having to swallow it. Cry quietly and then sing the Bluey theme song.

But seeing people with parents, partners or siblings who actually love them is hard. I would've done with either, but it's hard to accept sometimes I struck out on all of it.

And that it's somehow my responsibility to build a foundation I should've already had in some capacity. It's not fair.

I'm told I have to accept the lonely moments, and appreciate the ones where I'm not. I appreciate the ones where I'm not and I resent every choice that brought me to the reality of hoping I don't die in the house and not having an emergency contact.

And I feel very selfish about wanting more and wanting to be somebody's first choice.

You're not selfish for wanting to feel loved at all. I wanted to be important to somebody too, but no matter what I did it wouldn't change their mind. I kept trying to remain in contact with the friends I've made but they have abandoned me, perhaps one day we could find someone that cares about us, but I'm thinking of giving up, I doubt this world will ever change, and the demands of life keep getting worse overtime. The good thing is you have your child to keep you company, which is a gift in itself, but I can understand wanting to have a partner and a close group of friends nearby to check up on you. It's not selfish, it's part of being human, the hard part is finding people that care which is a rarity in itself.

 

[iojaiselaa]

It is a completely normal human need to want to be loved. This is nothing to be ashamed of or something that is selfish. Everything is right with you if you have this longing.

The text with the wish for the hug touched me. Almost all mothers in my environment also have a partner. It often tears me up with envy. I would also really like someone to love me and support me. The mothers with partners don't even know how valuable this is. It's so hard to always be alone. If I get too caught up in the desire for a partner, I really go crazy with the pain. That's why I focus on the things that I can influence better.

I think that without my psychologist my children would no longer have a mother. I'm really grateful that I found her. I so wish you can find the feeling of support and love too!!

I'm trying my best but I'm just tired of trying.

You're not selfish for wanting to feel loved at all. I wanted to be important to somebody too, but no matter what I did it wouldn't change their mind. I kept trying to remain in contact with the friends I've made but they have abandoned me, perhaps one day we could find someone that cares about us, but I'm thinking of giving up, I doubt this world will ever change, and the demands of life keep getting worse overtime. The good thing is you have your child to keep you company, which is a gift in itself, but I can understand wanting to have a partner and a close group of friends nearby to check up on you. It's not selfish, it's part of being human, the hard part is finding people that care which is a rarity in itself.

My child is 5, I love her and love being around her. It is not the same thing as having company. The moments of enjoying each other's company equally isn't as common. Your child will enjoy your company because youre curating it. I enjoy her being happy, and feeling fulfilled. But it isnt the same because I am always "on". You are not equals, you are not friends though you may love them dearly. Being a parent is not a two way street until they are much older. People don't like this reality, but you have to give your children the ability to decide if they even like you after they've learned how to be a human being and had some experiences.

I'm also a single parent. A lot of my time is work, responsibility, work, more responsibility. I'm the only adult and there is no one to call to help with chores, or pick her up from school for me, order take out, etc. It's just me.

 

[Regen]

Being a single parent and having no one is a burden the extent of which you cannot imagine unless you have experienced it yourself. I'm sitting here at home and somewhere in the world you're sitting and I'm sending you light, strength and help from my heart. I understand how incredibly difficult it is.