The thoughts in my head. They are honestly so jumbled that I've rewritten this about 10 times now. So I'll just dump some stuff and hope it's not too incohesive to follow. In Junior high I made my first and maybe only royal fuck up. At least it's the main one that I believe has lead me to my mental state today. This fuck up was simply exchanging nudes with a highschooler whilst being in a relationship. I'd eventually come to tell her and obviously the relationship didn't last. It didn't take long for the friend group to distance themselves from me, as all of them were mutual friends with the ex. So I started cutting. None of them really knew about it, and they still don't. In high-school they sort of pretended to be my friends in order to get me to buy them weed. Senior year is when I figured it out and I've been suicidal since then. And, to be perfectly honest, the only reason I haven't followed through yet is my one and only friend. I met her online through gaming and we've actually met in person twice. We've become pretty much best friends and I just can't bring myself to hurt her in that way. At this point my sole reason for existing is to not hurt her. In the not so distant past I did tell her that I was planning to ctb and she managed to talk me out of it. So how can I get her to let me go? Because currently I'm not sure that she wouldn't follow suit if I suddenly decided that today is my last day.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,206
I think that it would be unlikely being able to persuade someone else to respect your decision to die. So many people refuse to see suicide as even being an option. I just think that after all, it's a personal decision to leave this world and it's completely up to the individual, but that does sound like a difficult situation to be in.
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