Hey, i recently posted another threat where I asked "why am I so numb?"
Well now i will let you guy inside my little sad world.
My name is Leonardo, I've always been a taught boy or at least i thought so... Recently my life went on a downtrend, it's been a while since I've been actually "happy". I never had an easy life, i lost my dad when I was 7, grown up to a single mom, even tho she is fantastic and she tried giving me everything i just grew wrong, something wrong grew inside of me. I'll explain my self, since i lost my dad I've been feeling numb and lately this feeling as become more and more strong inside of me, it's like if i can't feel anything, anger, rage, happiness, sadness or any other emotion. I've had Suicide thoughts for 2 years now and this idea is becoming more and more powerful inside my head, i never talked to nobody I'm a man tho, i gotta do what I gotta do, nobody would believe me and nobody as ever been willing to help me, nobody ever noticed this feeling of numb inside of me, maybe because I'm good at hiding it and maybe that's the real problem, and maybe im the real problem and i should just end this life of numb in a peaceful way.
I've been having some memories issues lately, not some illness or some other medical problem, it's just something in my head, i can't remember barely anything of my last years, i can't remember how i was a couple of months ago. it's like if my brain deleted everything from my head, like ashes blown away by the wind, i have a few memories but nothing much, i don't to have any emotions, i don't remember to ever have felt love, even tho I've been in a serious relationship, i don't remember happiness or joy. when i try thinking about my past or who i was 3/4 months ago i just see pain, anger, rage and a complete void.
I can't say that I'm in deep pain or depression because I'm not feeling any of that, i can just say that I'm completely numb.
I would like to remember my father or to remember when i happy as a kid, to remember what love is, i wish I could have those memories, but everything inside of me is completely dead, i feel like a sinking boat that's going in the deepest part of the ocean with no one willing to help me out. I'm dying and i know it.
I will probably CTB in the next few months if anything changes, I'll keep being a man and doing what most man's are.
Thanks for reading.
Well now i will let you guy inside my little sad world.
My name is Leonardo, I've always been a taught boy or at least i thought so... Recently my life went on a downtrend, it's been a while since I've been actually "happy". I never had an easy life, i lost my dad when I was 7, grown up to a single mom, even tho she is fantastic and she tried giving me everything i just grew wrong, something wrong grew inside of me. I'll explain my self, since i lost my dad I've been feeling numb and lately this feeling as become more and more strong inside of me, it's like if i can't feel anything, anger, rage, happiness, sadness or any other emotion. I've had Suicide thoughts for 2 years now and this idea is becoming more and more powerful inside my head, i never talked to nobody I'm a man tho, i gotta do what I gotta do, nobody would believe me and nobody as ever been willing to help me, nobody ever noticed this feeling of numb inside of me, maybe because I'm good at hiding it and maybe that's the real problem, and maybe im the real problem and i should just end this life of numb in a peaceful way.
I've been having some memories issues lately, not some illness or some other medical problem, it's just something in my head, i can't remember barely anything of my last years, i can't remember how i was a couple of months ago. it's like if my brain deleted everything from my head, like ashes blown away by the wind, i have a few memories but nothing much, i don't to have any emotions, i don't remember to ever have felt love, even tho I've been in a serious relationship, i don't remember happiness or joy. when i try thinking about my past or who i was 3/4 months ago i just see pain, anger, rage and a complete void.
I can't say that I'm in deep pain or depression because I'm not feeling any of that, i can just say that I'm completely numb.
I would like to remember my father or to remember when i happy as a kid, to remember what love is, i wish I could have those memories, but everything inside of me is completely dead, i feel like a sinking boat that's going in the deepest part of the ocean with no one willing to help me out. I'm dying and i know it.
I will probably CTB in the next few months if anything changes, I'll keep being a man and doing what most man's are.
Thanks for reading.
