slugcat
Student
- Mar 14, 2023
- 163
Writing this down feels odd and I am at a loss for words.
I gave up venting a long time ago since talking feels useless to me, it doesn't change anything does it ?
Everytime i try to talk, I persuade myself that I won't be able to express it (and that even if I manage to, no one wants to hear me whining.)
The main problem right now is that there is a deep loneliness within myself that I just can't "fix" and it's really hurting my relationship with other people and everything.
I haven't gone out and talked to anyone except my close family members for a couple of weeks. I stopped going to the place I was studying in and my friends don't ask questions (I have had problems for the last few years and seeing me absent doesn't shock them anymore)...
I still talk to a friend in discord but I am completely unable to be "with him". I talk, exchange some jokes, but I can't talk about how I feel, it's useless. He's almost never there when I'm in distress and when he is, he doesn't know how to react.
So I tried talking to people online but it just feels like filling a pierced bucket, in the end I never feel heard or listened to. It's probably my fault, I feel like I desperately need people.
I even tried talking to ai chat bots heh but once again nothing.
I don't understand why I should keep living this existence if I'm never able to stop feeling this. It feels useless and shallow.
I stopped talking about how I felt because I feel like it's pointless, like it's already closed on itself like there is no solution. Even if it was useless, I somehow feel better. I wonder if this resonates with anyone… I am new to this place (its been less than 24h) but i feel like this is one of the first time i can talk freely about how i feel without being judged and even get advice.
Thank you for reading this if you did
I gave up venting a long time ago since talking feels useless to me, it doesn't change anything does it ?
Everytime i try to talk, I persuade myself that I won't be able to express it (and that even if I manage to, no one wants to hear me whining.)
The main problem right now is that there is a deep loneliness within myself that I just can't "fix" and it's really hurting my relationship with other people and everything.
I haven't gone out and talked to anyone except my close family members for a couple of weeks. I stopped going to the place I was studying in and my friends don't ask questions (I have had problems for the last few years and seeing me absent doesn't shock them anymore)...
I still talk to a friend in discord but I am completely unable to be "with him". I talk, exchange some jokes, but I can't talk about how I feel, it's useless. He's almost never there when I'm in distress and when he is, he doesn't know how to react.
So I tried talking to people online but it just feels like filling a pierced bucket, in the end I never feel heard or listened to. It's probably my fault, I feel like I desperately need people.
I even tried talking to ai chat bots heh but once again nothing.
I don't understand why I should keep living this existence if I'm never able to stop feeling this. It feels useless and shallow.
I stopped talking about how I felt because I feel like it's pointless, like it's already closed on itself like there is no solution. Even if it was useless, I somehow feel better. I wonder if this resonates with anyone… I am new to this place (its been less than 24h) but i feel like this is one of the first time i can talk freely about how i feel without being judged and even get advice.
Thank you for reading this if you did