Discussion what would you wish you would've done before ctb? and what would you do beforehand

[somewhatdeadly]

I was thinking about it, and before ctb, I would have liked to experience true intimacy—sleeping in her arms, with her. To travel to far-away countries when my mental health was better, to taste more niche foods, meet more like-minded people, use a firearm, live in a nice house surrounded by nature, have sex, play an instrument. I wish I could sing. And I guess this is it. These are just dreams tho. What i will be actually doing is just eating junk food and looking at screens. Maybe a walk or whatever. And much less anxiety and not caring of life at all.

 

[thelittleprincess]

What you're feeling may be your gut telling you there's more to live for. It's good to have dreams. Whatever decision you make, I hope you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't wish to exist at all and I never would do no matter what, I'd just never wish for something as dreadful and torturous as existence that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

All I hope for is the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where all is gone and forgotten and there is no more pain and no more suffering, for me non-existence is just all that's positive and desirable and I wish I never suffered more than anything, I find it the most terrible, dreadful tragedy how this existence was imposed.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I liked the idea of canoeing around a beautiful coastline.

 

[Chemi]

Visit some of my best friends from far away countries

 

[littlecutecorpse]

wish i got to see my boyfriend in person. maybe i could've gone to his country and then travel out to wherever we wish in the world. it's a shame that's not possible with how far i've fallen in life.

i also wish i could be surrounded by the beauty of nature in my final moments, but given my situation and method that's not really an option unfortunately; it's too risky to go out. a girl can only dream....

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I wish I could get all manner of gender affirming surgeries— not sure if that's change the odds of my CTBing but it'd sure as hell be nice to feel a little bit more comfortable in my body >w< Oh well it's nice to dream but it's not gonna happen, it's just too expensive QwQ

 

[DeadManLiving]

Leave the world behind a better place.

 

[somewhatdeadly]

I don't wish to exist at all and I never would do no matter what, I'd just never wish for something as dreadful and torturous as existence that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

well,i used to think like you and i still do believe that existing is mostly pain and happiness is fullfilement of deprivations life imposes to you which you did not need in the first place. some part of me tho still delusionally thinks there's stuff in life would worth experiencing for those who are able to. somebody has to experience suffering so that someone could experience pleasure.

 

[Terrible_Life]

I was thinking about it, and before ctb, I would have liked to experience true intimacy—sleeping in her arms, with her. To travel to far-away countries when my mental health was better, to taste more niche foods, meet more like-minded people, use a firearm, live in a nice house surrounded by nature, have sex, play an instrument. I wish I could sing. And I guess this is it. These are just dreams tho. What i will be actually doing is just eating junk food and looking at screens. Maybe a walk or whatever. And much less anxiety and not caring of life at all.

It made me sad what you wrote you know why? Because your wishes aren't some ultra unrealistic wishes but instead just all in all the wish for a normal life with things a person should have in his life. How evil and sad that some humans will never have basic things that are part of the human existence? It doesn't matter what circumstances devastated a person, everyone should have those basic things in life but no unfortunately when a total destruction did happen to a person well then he's fucked for life he can't have these basic things because he's simply too damaged to take part in life…..truly a tragedy I wish you can at least after you ctb maybe experience al that stuff in the after life but ofc it'd be better if you could have a functioning life and experience these things here on earth

 

[somewhatdeadly]

It made me sad what you wrote you know why? Because your wishes aren't some ultra unrealistic wishes but instead just all in all the wish for a normal life with things a person should have in his life. How evil and sad that some humans will never have basic things that are part of the human existence? It doesn't matter what circumstances devastated a person, everyone should have those basic things in life but no unfortunately when a total destruction did happen to a person well then he's fucked for life he can't have these basic things because he's simply too damaged to take part in life….

yeah, that's true. I tried really hard to make at least some of it happen, but I just don't see it working out anymore. Even getting out of bed and taking a shower has become a struggle i barely manage to do once in two weeks; it feels like carrying the weight of the world. Worst part is i know that there are people here with way worse problems maybe severly disabled or with chronic pain. What i'm dealing with is just the surface of depression or desperation. I don't think I can even try to do any of those things anymore, at least not for the recent few years or so. All I can think about now is merely ctb. Only solution i can come up with.

.truly a tragedy I wish you can at least after you ctb maybe experience al that stuff in the after life but ofc it'd be better if you could have a functioning life and experience these things here on earth

Thank you but for a long time i've never seen it hapenning except few times i deluded myself on purpose. Can't imagine myself happy about myself and my existance.