Venting What would make you *not* want to ctb?

[alexithymia]

I'm extremely codependent, anxious, and a control freak. I believe if I had someone who loved me unconditionally forever (and vice versa), I would be okay.

I knew someone once. He was tremendously sweet, funny, and smart. He always put his girlfriend first before anyone or anything—the same approach as me. Unfortunately, he was my ex's brother... ha. It was especially painful to be around him because my ex was the exact opposite of him; withdrawn, cold, and emotionally unavailable. Never prioritized me.

It was shitty of me to have those feelings but I didn't truly acknowledge them until months after the breakup. That's how I rationalize it, at least. I just wish J was mine instead.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

A good husband and money for medical treatment

 

[White_Room293]

Being in a position of power over most people so I never have to rely on making them happy in order to be successful. I would also be happy if I had a guarantee that I would be stable in my life and not have to worry. There are others but none of these things will likely happen so I am here. I just really fear failing and not having success in life nothing really worries me more than that.

 

[tomz323]

If I wasn't emotionally scared and if I didn't have Aspergers. So basically, if I could be one of the sheep.

 

[TiredOfLife95]

- Having my mum back (she was the only family member, actually I'd say the only person, who really cared about me, she died 2 years ago)
- Having a good family&friends who really love and support me
- Living in a good environment with no toxic people
- Overcoming my severe depression and traumas, this would allow me to have a regular life such as graduating, finding a job, losing weight and so on

 

[Lethe]

Maybe some kind of eye-opening, paradigm-shattering religious experience or realization of an objective meaning of life?

 

[gingerplum]

Having the love of my life back.

I know I shouldn't rely on external things or people for my happiness, but I was really happy when he was in my life. All the time. I miss that feeling-- I miss him-- constantly.

 

[Tom9999]

Having enough money so I could repay my debts, reboot my business, and pay for living expenses for two years.

 

[Dawn0071111]

A good husband and money for medical treatment

Damn.... I am leaving exactly those two behind...... This life is so insane....... :(
If he came back to me.... sad but true........
If he came back to me... sad but true :(

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'd have to be free of my physical condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I'd want my old body back. I'd want my old life back. I'd want to be healthy again. This condition is actually known as the suicide disease because there are no treatments or cures. Doctors are taking pain meds away from their patients because the FDA and the CDC are pressuring them due to all the accidental overdoses done by the real drug addicts. So people like me are being out ished for what they are doing which is totally wrong. If they want to use illegal drugs and kill themselves let them but don't punish the people who need it just to be able to get out if bed and walk.

 

[Elias]

Nothing will justify me grinding 50 more years into this shitshow. That's twice what I've already lived and I've seen enough. The world itself would have to change around me before I'd think about not going the suicide route. That's how arrogant I am. I've lost my trust into what I can expect to experience in this world, and I must say... If I could live in the places I see in my head, that would be my best afterlife.

So yeah, not a damn thing.

 

[Stan]

I think the pain is there now, even if I became a billionaire I can't escape it. Just that i would be able to afford and get N or something way better

 

[deflagrat]

Money (for free), I would wait until I am old to ctb.

 

[OnlyMercy]

Complete and utter financial independence for all of eternity, is all.

 

[sleepy dog]

Enough money to buy a house in the country for quiet and trees and other nature and afford an attorney when needed and good health but also 1 dose of N to have control of my death.

 

[Strangeasangels]

True love and job security.

 

[Jolene40]

All I want is control of my health; to have some hope of slight improvement and stabilisation of the progression of multiple horrific diseases.
I have awful debilitating illnesses including a head to toe neuropathy whereby my sensory nerves have and continue to be destroyed. Crps I believe I can relate to with all this.

 

[RightToExit]

A magic ability to control all of my pain and suffering, even the small ones or the ones in my dream states, without having to manipulate the external world. Like, just choose not to suffer and you can't suffer, not even from boredom or in your dreams. To me, that would make suicide obsolete.

 

[alexithymia]

A magic ability to control all of my pain and suffering, even the small ones or the ones in my dream states, without having to manipulate the external world. Like, just choose not to suffer and you can't suffer, not even from boredom or in your dreams. To me, that would make suicide obsolete.

I like this. I wish it was real.

 

[brain problems]

I dunno, maybe a decent irl friend? Online friends are cool, but it's not the same. I'm too afraid to go outside and do stuff by myself, so having somebody there to support me would be nice. Not being alone all the time would be nice. Even if we just sat together in the same room and did our own thing without saying anything, that would be better than being alone.

 

[Userloser2]

The ability to feel joy/ emotions like a normal person. A relationship would be nice too.

 

[CursedForDisaster]

The ability to restart the last 10 years

 

[Squiddy]

My brain fog clearing up and my mental illness being cured

 

[alexithymia]

My brain fog clearing up and my mental illness being cured

I've seen you talk about your brain fog before and I'm curious. Can you describe how it feels?

 

[CTisME]

Being treated with kindness

 

[Wayfaerer]

To transport me back to my 18-year-old self with all of the knowledge that I have now.

Realistically speaking? Nothing.

 

[alexithymia]

To transport me back to my 18-year-old self with all of the knowledge that I have now.

Realistically speaking? Nothing.

I absolutely love your avatar. Alex Colville's work is great. And I would do the same, but at seventeen.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I absolutely love your avatar. Alex Colville's work is great.

Thank you. I've always thought that the Browning Hi-Power would be the most classy why to CTB with a firearm. I don't know if I would trust 9mm now that I've done my research though...

 

[Squiddy]

I've seen you talk about your brain fog before and I'm curious. Can you describe how it feels?

It makes it where I have a bad short term memory and makes it where I'm unable to articulate myself

 

[sleepy dog]

Thank you. I've always thought that the Browning Hi-Power would be the most classy why to CTB with a firearm. I don't know if I would trust 9mm now that I've done my research though...

I think the same about 9MMs also for suicide. Seems they are made for multiple shots on the same target as self defense.