symphony
surving hour-by-hour
- Mar 12, 2022
- 779
I am not suggesting this is a good idea or even something I plan on doing. Just sometimes I get really strong urges and I wonder what would likely happen if I acted on them.
I have a hard time getting through group. I mostly sit there sullenly and don't actively participate much. Sometimes I dissociate heavily and realize at the end that I have no idea what we even talked about. Often as I'm sitting in the room with the therapists and other patients I get the impulse to self-harm. On a semi-regular basis I get panicky enough that I run out of the room and find somewhere else to hide. I tend to get strong urges then too as I'm already quite upset and I have less fear of acting on them since I'm relatively alone. I don't bring blades or anything with me (and don't intend to) but I think about punching myself in the leg or face, banging my head on things, and/or scratching at my skin.
Obviously doing that in group in front of everyone would be the worst case scenario, but if I did it while hiding in other public areas it could go unnoticed (unless I made noise e.g. by banging my head) and I could absolutely get away with it if I hid in the bathroom and didn't take too long.
I'm just wondering what you guys think would most likely happen if I acted on that.
I have a hard time getting through group. I mostly sit there sullenly and don't actively participate much. Sometimes I dissociate heavily and realize at the end that I have no idea what we even talked about. Often as I'm sitting in the room with the therapists and other patients I get the impulse to self-harm. On a semi-regular basis I get panicky enough that I run out of the room and find somewhere else to hide. I tend to get strong urges then too as I'm already quite upset and I have less fear of acting on them since I'm relatively alone. I don't bring blades or anything with me (and don't intend to) but I think about punching myself in the leg or face, banging my head on things, and/or scratching at my skin.
Obviously doing that in group in front of everyone would be the worst case scenario, but if I did it while hiding in other public areas it could go unnoticed (unless I made noise e.g. by banging my head) and I could absolutely get away with it if I hid in the bathroom and didn't take too long.
I'm just wondering what you guys think would most likely happen if I acted on that.