What will your last thoughts be of

[Sadwind]

I am going to have a hard time when I go. My final thoughts will probably be of my family. I don't want to think about them. It'll just make me change my mind and put me in more torment. Hopefully when the time comes I will be strong for myself. They are going to be okay and life will go on. Maybe I will have the urge to cry, who knows. I literally feel nothing and everything.

Is there anything you are going to tell yourself, perhaps to self-soothe, say goodbye, say fuck you, anything? I am curious about how you'll cope with your death internally.

 

[alexithymia]

I like how you say that you feel nothing and everything. I understand that.

I think the only way I could do it is if I thought of nothing. When I've attempted using partial suspension, I usually panic and think, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can't do this." That's why I'm still here.

 

[omoidarui]

im rly worried about this because i feel like my last thoughts should be serious and monumental during my last seconds of life but knowing my imagination ill probably die thinking a random stupid thought like a cat in a pikachu costume or sumthin

 

[White_Room293]

I am going to have a hard time when I go. My final thoughts will probably be of my family. I don't want to think about them. It'll just make me change my mind and put me in more torment. Hopefully when the time comes I will be strong for myself. They are going to be okay and life will go on. Maybe I will have the urge to cry, who knows. I literally feel nothing and everything.

Is there anything you are going to tell yourself, perhaps to self-soothe, say goodbye, say fuck you, anything? I am curious about how you'll cope with your death internally.

Sex.

 

[Sadwind]

im rly worried about this because i feel like my last thoughts should be serious and monumental during my last seconds of life but knowing my imagination ill probably die thinking a random stupid thought like a cat in a pikachu costume or sumthin

I know, right. But it's no big deal. Whatever makes you feel calm and accepting of the moment. If the cat does the trick, oh well :)

 

[SinisterKid]

I will go out listening to my favourite playlist, just like last time. Only this time, no fucker will be finding anything other than a corpse. No fanfare, no goodbyes, just me and the music and a glass of water. My only thought will be of the peace I know that awaits.

 

[Sadwind]

I like how you say that you feel nothing and everything. I understand that.

I think the only way I could do it is if I thought of nothing. When I've attempted using partial suspension, I usually panic and think, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can't do this." That's why I'm still here.

I understand this too. I attempted partial twice and both times noped out before it was over. All that overcame me was panic. I DONT want that to happen with my new method. I'm hoping to get myself inside my pain, so that can propel me forward. It's just so hard. But yeah I get you, totally.

 

[CursedForDisaster]

My method is hanging so I imagine I'll just be in trauma/panick for my last thoughts. Before then I'll just be beating myself down, committing myself. I will have everything else laid out in notes ahead of time so I can just focus on committing. No distractions.

 

[nothingleft]

I'm afraid that my last thoughts will be nothing more than pain and agony from partial suspension as well. Certainly the last few times I tested it that was the case. Probably why I won't be able to go through with it. I don't want to die like that. I want it to be peaceful but sadly that's probably not possible because drugs are too unreliable.

 

[Lethe]

I'm going to take an ipod into the woods with me to listen to, so hopefully that will keep me focused (not going to take phone, in case I have an impulse to contact someone, or it can be tracked).

 

[alexithymia]

I understand this too. I attempted partial twice and both times noped out before it was over. All that overcame me was panic. I DONT want that to happen with my new method. I'm hoping to get myself inside my pain, so that can propel me forward. It's just so hard. But yeah I get you, totally.

What is your new method if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Sadwind]

What is your new method if you don't mind me asking?

I will be trying to get N before the end of the year. If that falls through then I will take some painkillers and try my hand at hanging again. I would not attempt hanging without something to numb the pain like pills or alcohol.

I'm afraid that my last thoughts will be nothing more than pain and agony from partial suspension as well. Certainly the last few times I tested it that was the case. Probably why I won't be able to go through with it. I don't want to die like that. I want it to be peaceful but sadly that's probably not possible because drugs are too unreliable.

That is my fallback plan, too. I've tried it and it was very very difficult. Like I said somewhere else in the thread I won't be doing that shit sober again. If I'm fucked up enough I won't even feel all my panic. Fwiw I wish you peace that you deserve

 

[Elias]

My last thoughts will probably be intense hatred toward the woman who pushed me over the edge. The one that outed my suicidality to my family and friends, and landed me in a psych ward that got me on antidepressants, who retraumatised me and left me to rot. If I believed in spirit I'd say I would try to focus my anger to become a ghost and haunt her forever. Also in reality I think I'll panic, have a moment like "WHAT HAVE I DONE" because survival instinct and bullshit hope, and then it'll be nothingness, sweet sweet nothingness.

 

[Sadwind]

My last thoughts will probably be intense hatred toward the woman who pushed me over the edge. The one that outed my suicidality to my family and friends, and landed me in a psych ward that got me on antidepressants, who retraumatised me and left me to rot. If I believed in spirit I'd say I would try to focus my anger to become a ghost and haunt her forever. Also in reality I think I'll panic, have a moment like "WHAT HAVE I DONE" because survival instinct and bullshit hope, and then it'll be nothingness, sweet sweet nothingness.

I am sorry about your situation. It sounds horrible. I know what you mean about the WHAT HAVE YOU DONE thoughts.. I am going to have to move past those before I ever attempt again.

My method is hanging so I imagine I'll just be in trauma/panick for my last thoughts. Before then I'll just be beating myself down, committing myself. I will have everything else laid out in notes ahead of time so I can just focus on committing. No distractions.

I understand. I like your idea of writing notes. I am going to do that too. I hope it is as peaceful as possible for you.

 

[gingerplum]

Lost love, sadness, and I guess the intense focus of just making the pain stop forever.

 

[wanttodie]

My last thoughts will probably glad my life is going to be over vary soon

 

[okaoki]

my imaginary friends , my long pass-away doggo , some manga and anime i like.

 

[Dawn0071111]

My last thoughts will probably be intense hatred toward the woman who pushed me over the edge. The one that outed my suicidality to my family and friends, and landed me in a psych ward that got me on antidepressants, who retraumatised me and left me to rot. If I believed in spirit I'd say I would try to focus my anger to become a ghost and haunt her forever. Also in reality I think I'll panic, have a moment like "WHAT HAVE I DONE" because survival instinct and bullshit hope, and then it'll be nothingness, sweet sweet nothingness.

I resonate with this... bittersweet.
My last thoughts will be of the ultimate goodwill for the husband I am leaving behind.... saying goodbye in my heart to the boy from last summer, the final trauma that ended it all and I allowed to destroy me utterly...... Forgiving all..... and clutching pictures and my stuffed animals to my chest

 

[Asta]

Will be thinking of my Mother, and knowing I'll be with her again after far too many years.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Definitely of my mother and grandfather. But really of my mother. I'm her only child and she is my best friend. We are extremely close. She has been by my side every step of the way for these 14 years that I have been physically sick. She is my everything and the reason I've hung on for this long while having Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history.

 

[Meretlein]

I don't think any of us will know until that moment comes

 

[Nitromask]

Probably "Jesus I wish this didn't taste so bad"

 

[DyslexicForeigner]

"This should be my last reincarnation in this f*cked up world. No more please!" After that I'd just drink the S* and endure the hopefully very short or just a few minutes of headache and stomach pain.

 

[JustfcknKillme]

My last thoughts would be why did it have to be this way. It's all my fault.

 

[Sweet emotion]

My last thoughts would be why did it have to be this way. It's all my fault.

It's not your fault. It's not any of our faults. Please don't think that.

 

[Dawn0071111]

My last thoughts would be why did it have to be this way. It's all my fault.

I hear you on the "its all my fault..." However, sometimes I question the truth of this sentiment we carry..... Its a horrible feeling imo

 

[262653]

I will push the weight and then my survival instinct would desperately try to avoid death, but it will be to late, like trying to get an airplane out of the deadly spin. Primal urges will assume full control over this body, but it wouldn't matter anymore. No amount of control would make a difference.

 

[thx1138]

Terror and fear because my only option to ctb is by jumping. But it won't last too long.

I'm going to ctb tonight and part of me wants to make a thread but I know no one knows me here and no one cares. Anyway, thank you all and good night.

 

[Astral316]

I'll be thinking of all the things normal people take for granted... things I never got the chance to experience.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

I hugged someone I really love for a long time recently. It was one of the most peaceful moments I can remember in my life and I'll try to think about that and not about how it's all my fault.