Discussion what was the moment when you decided you wanted to die??

[LostBoy20]

for me it was when i feel that i was nothing more than a joke to the girl i had fall in love with, the most important person in my life was making fun of my feelings for her...
even though i don't think she intended to do that
i had suicidal thoughts before that, but now i cant get this thoughts out of my mind

 

[Squiddy]

The day I got this awful brain fog that wouldn't go away and when my mental illness got worse

 

[MissNietzsche]

It was a gradual transition..from Catholicism to atheism to nihilism.

When I realized life had no objective meaning, I wanted to die.

I put it off for the sake of trying to find subjective meaning, but that plan went to shit when I couldn't get over my body dysmorphia. I've thought I was ugly since I was 5..I really can't imagine myself getting any better with it. When I was younger, I used to think I was deformed, but at least I just think now that I'm plain ugly/hideous. My sisters were born much prettier than I was, so it was just a bad stroke of luck with genes.

 

[OneBigBlur]

When I was 10 and actively being abused both at home and at school. Every year that followed after that made me realize how terrible this world and the people in it really are.

 

[MissNietzsche]

When I was 10 and actively being abused both at home and at school. Every year that followed after that made me realize how terrible this world and the people in it really are.

Damn, you've been living like that for 20 years? It never got better? What about temporarily?

 

[OneBigBlur]

Damn, you've been living like that for 20 years? It never got better? What about temporarily?

No, it has never gotten any better, I've never felt happy. I may have stopped being abused but the rejection from other people has always been constant.

Edit: My life was terrible even well before the age of 10, I just didn't mention it because I don't think the concept of suicide was in my head at that age range.

 

[noctiva]

When I was cast out from the family I feel I belong to, 'my' family, and when I realized, after I tried to reach out once more, that they saw me as a burden and not an asset to their lives.

 

[CursedFortune]

When I was given multiple opportunities and chances that people could only dream about.... but realized there's something wrong with me because I've only managed to squander them.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

The first time, around 8 or 9? Made an attempt
The second I was 100% sure I was 19. I'm 22 now and I've hesitated in between these 3 years but I'm now confident in my choice. My n should be here this week so.. ya

 

[Worthless_nobody]

First at age 13 or 14 after severe bullying no one did anything about, next at 22 after severe abuse and trauma and pretty much on going after that now that I have health problems too. The final nail in the coffin here recently.

 

[Untitled]

I don't remember ever being afraid of death, but I think I started to actually want to die at around 14 or 15. I'm ~30 now. I think it was mainly because my life was so full of abuse that I just never felt happy to be alive.

I know it's cliche to blame your parents, but I really do think that my parents had a very big part in making me want to die.

The only time I remember slightly wanting to keep living was when I had to take care of someone else who really needed my help. It was hard, and I kinda hated how needy the other person was, but I felt like it filled my life with meaning.

 

[Jean4]

As a child I never wanted to be here. I never felt that I belonged on this planet. I never fit in. I did try. Never worked.

 

[Mizzmini45]

The moment I seen a picture of how my grandmom looked 60 years ago. Just like me. The life that lady lived have been horrific. All im going to do is turn into her and go through all that. I come from a abusive and loveless family. If someone can put themseleves through that. Godbless them but i wont.

 

[nirvana133]

I reached the point of no return when i was about 20, i don't belong on this planet. i am a complete misfit, and the only people i feel any genuine connection to are already dead.

 

[BridgeJumper]

When I reported the abuse I was undergoing at the hands of my classmates to the only teacher I trusted. She was like a mother to me, and she proceeded to tell every single teacher and perpetrator in my class and attempt to call the cops. I got only further ostracized, and the violence from my classmates escalated from just beatings to cruel torture. That was the day when I realised I want to die.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

The "protagonist" of my "novel" experienced this:
At age 7, when I realized that my family didn't like me. My brother was 13, and he was a "third parent".
He was allowed to hit me, and my mom encouraged him.
My dad was a "safe" person, but so mild mannered that he could not stand up for me.
From age 6, the word "bitch" (Noun, not verb) was used to describe me. Even by my dad.
I knew then that I was on my own, and the only way that I could avoid physical/verbal abuse was to, "Sit down, shut up, and blend in".
50 years and two generations on, the pain is still playing out.
Fraught with pain and guilt every.single.day.

 

[JoJo4673]

Three years ago when I was getting expelled from school, the idea to commit suicide randomly popped into my head and it hasn't left since.

 

[Moonicide]

14. Mainly due to the abuse I was experiencing at home, along with being bullied at school. There was no escape. No room to be anything, just had to take it. It was too much for me and I wanted it all to stop. I wanted to stop existing so badly. But it got worse when I got older... I've been the most suicidal in my 20s. Never wanted to die so much in my life until now.

 

[UninformedLover]

The moment I found out my mom was a drug addict and how awful my life truly was. As a child I was really naive and thought all the things I had endured throughout my childhood was normal.

Once I learned about child abuse and how actual families were supposed to be like it was a hard decline from there.

 

[throwaway123]

for me it was when i feel that i was nothing more than a joke to the girl i had fall in love with, the most important person in my life was making fun of my feelings for her...
even though i don't think she intended to do that
i had suicidal thoughts before that, but now i cant get this thoughts out of my mind

dammit I can relate.

 

[Conker]

Sometime after my 12th birthday I realized that this world is about to end and that it would be best to obtain my CTB kit for a clean & instant painless death.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Somewhere during 15 when I was under a lot of pressure from school and my parents yelled at me because of my grades. Back then I was also isolated from everyone and couldn't even speak at school. They always put grades before my mental health. They always dismissed me when I begged them to change schools because of bullying and stress. Now I'm suicidal and they know but they don't care.

 

[Hydrokhoos]

When I realized I'd never truly be able to connect with another human being because no matter how hard I try to explain myself, people always seem to misunderstand me which almost always leads to them berating me and keeps me from being successful in my career. I thought I was doing better with relating to people but last night I finally came back to reality and realized I still can't.

 

[randomz]

It was fairly late - I was around 18 years old when I realised I am a complete failure. Then the feeling kinda disappeared for the next couple of years while I was doing OK in university. I am now 26 and have been thinking about ctb for the past couple of months, as the stress from my job and the realisation that I kinda hate it came into power in my mind.

 

[Spock87]

I always remember wanting to die even at a early age. The thoughts got worse as I got older and now I have to hide them and pretend to be happy even though every ounce of me wants to throw a fit. I feel we are all trapped

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

Age 6 or 7, I remember thinking "everyone's life would be so much better if I didn't exist." I had a keen understanding of a lot at a young age. I knew I was an accident and the reason why my mom didn't go to law school to live out her dreams. I was also the reason she struggled so much. I understood i was the reason my biological father dropped out of college to join the military only for his undiagnosed schizophrenia to get worse. He never came back the same and I recognized that was my fault. Concepts young kids shouldn't be able to grasp, I did. And I've always hated myself for it.

 

[Canon1]

I lied and betrayed my wife and now she is gone and I can't live without her.

 

[mattwitt]

For me it was when I realized my body just wasn't going to get any better. I was walking around this one park and when I got to the top of this one hill I sat down all tired and stressed out and thought to myself wtf... I just got done lifting weights and walking for 5 months straight and instead of improving and getting better my body actually got weaker and my stress levels got higher ! I basically threw in the towel right there and then and did absolutely nothing to improve my life for about 10 months.

 

[Canon1]

People that are physically ill tell people who have just mental problems that they shouldn't commit suicide as long as their body functions. But i am in a very bad depression because of my wife and to me there is no life without her.