What was the first time you heard about suicide and how did you feel?

[Ariii]

My childhood was pretty decent (from what I was able to comprehend at the time), so I was always afraid of death. I think the first time I heard about suicide was sometime in elementary school, about suicide prevention. I can't remember anything about it, not even where I heard it, but being shocked that someone would want to die. It's funny in a sad and ironic way now.

 

[Darkover]

i was a kid watching tv and it was showing a bridge and someone was talking about how someone jump off it to kill themselves i thought to my self i would never kill my self because life was good to me back then but then life happened and now i never want to exist at all

 

[Ariii]

i was a kid watching tv and it was showing a bridge and someone was talking about how someone jump off it to kill themselves i thought to my self i would never kill my self because life was good to me back then but then life happened and now i never want to exist at all

I remember I used to daydream that God or sone higher-being (I'm not even religious lol) would bless me and my family with immortality. It's crazy how things can do a total 180

 

[TenThousandTrees]

The first time I can remember is when my cousin committed suicide around the time I was 7. I was sad and didn't fully get it but I think even then at some level I understood he was just trying to stop his pain.

 

[uglyugly]

I wanted to end my life before I understood what the word suicide meant. After witnessing a murder as a kid, I wanted to die. I thought I could harm myself the way the person I saw die was harmed and it would work. I tried and it did not work.

I think the first time I was exposed to suicide was seeing someone fall on their own sword in a movie. My brother and I laughed and thought it was funny, but we were very young (6 and 7, I think.) My mom was beyond pissed that we'd watched that show.

 

[lacrimosa]

In Catholic Church. When I was younger, I believed he killed himself to save humanity. Which, technically, he did.

I know this might piss some people off, but that's where my concept of suicide originated.

 

[-Link-]

My introduction to the concept was an actual suicide -- it was a classmate.

At the time, I was in a persistent daze for having a lot of my own ongoing (yet-to-be-identified or addressed) mental health problems, and I don't think I really registered the gravity of what happened... That they had died, of course, yes... But that it was at their own hands, I don't remember thinking much at all about that aspect.

I do recall how jarring it was to see how upset the school staff were -- just from a standpoint that, as a child, I always viewed teachers as these unflappable, got-it-all-together adults.

I don't remember thinking much at all about suicide as a concept until I started dealing with my own suicidal ideation.

 

[desolatefuture]

I was probably about 9 or 10 years old. I saw a suicide prevention poster in the local library and I was intrigued by the idea of ending my life even though I didn't understand how.

 

[SmallKoy]

I really have no idea but I think mine probably originally stemmed from stuff happening to me and my automatic mental response being "I'm gonna kill myself" especially because I grew up with alcoholics and anytime shit happened that would just be my auto response. Idk where I learned it tbh but I did grow up with internet so.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I've always and only wished to not exist, all I wish is to be permanently free from the terrible cruelty and suffering of existence, ever since I became aware of what death was it comforted me as I've always believed it to be nothing more than an dreamless, eternal sleep where all is finally forgotten about for me and I cannot be harmed in any way. Non-existence truly is all that's desirable to me, I'm not meant for the futile and torturous burden of having the ability to exist and it's something I'd never wish for no matter what.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I heard about suicide when I was a kid and I related to them as I also wanted to be dead

 

[meowingnomore]

honestly i've wanted to kill myself since before my memories begin

 

[finallydone]

like many other users here, i think i wanted to kill myself before hearing about suicide

 

[etherealspring]

when i realised that was an option i already felt like it was something i wanted

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not completely certain of the first time but, it likely would have been something on TV or in a film. I do remember in all the examples I saw thinking- I don't blame them! I was suicidal from a young age.

 

[Reflection]

When I was a kid I would have probably thought:" why would anyone do such thing?"....well I'm (un)happy to say that younger me finally got his answer.