Help What to do with this angst?

[Intheo]

My anxiety and thoughts have become a serious problem. My mind wanders way too much and is often to fantasizing about things that are too good to happen or more commonly into spirals of pessimism. I have this pain in my heart and I desperately need to do something with it. I can sort of quiet my thoughts for a moment by going out, drinking, and socializing. Or sometimes by working out, work, or physical activities. But even then, in the back of mind, there is this angst that is always eating away at me.

I want to socialize but when I am out, I sometimes can't be still enough to sit around. I want something more intense to distract myself. I can barely sit still to watch a movie or youtube video. I'm trying to study or work, and it takes me awhile because all this shit in my brain keeps creeping up on me. After I am out and I am swallowed up by the silence again while heading home, the thoughts rear their ugly heads. The tightness in my chest flares and I just want to cry or something, but I can't. I want to scream sometimes. I write, but that only does so much.

The only temporary remedy I have had success with is the girl I'm seeing but it's a very casual relationship with little emotional support. When I'm with her, things are much more calm, but those moments are few and far between because she seems to forget that I exist when she's not with me. It's an effort for her to get to meet me. I am in love with her, but the feeling isn't reciprocated, which only drives me more insane. Nor do I think it's healthy or fair to her for me to burden her with my crisis. I feel I need to seek a more emotionally available partner, which I don't think is healthy nor fair to this hypothetical person.

At night it's always worse. I try to tire myself out so I can finally fall asleep. It's been like this for years for me and it's the worst it's been in my life this year. Depression has been overtaken by anxiety recently and it honestly makes me want to cbt even more. Just so I can I have some peace and quiet. Just so I can finally sleep..

What can I do? Meditation, exercise, writing all have worked only to a small extent.

 

[timf]

It might help to look at anxiety as a sort of runaway dynamo churning up energy inside you. There are two ways to deal with this, one is to reduce the anxiety generating process, the other is to find ways to use this energy to your benefit. It sounds like you have explored many of the ways this energy can be used and that it does offer some relief.

To focus on the anxiety reducing aspect one has to consider the various ways anxieties arise such as biological, developmental, environmental, nutritional, psychological, or even some combination. Anxiety may even be related to the manic phase of a bipolar cycle.

Just as you have achieved some degree of management by attempting different energy using tactics, you may have to experiment with various ways to reduce that which generates anxiety. For example if an anxiety contribution was coming from some type of irrational fear, it could be beneficial to face that fear when it arises with a firm certainty of reality and sort of beat it back. However, if the fear were to arise from a rational source (like living in a bad neighborhood), you might take more concrete steps such as finding a new neighborhood.

If a biological component is suspected, experimentation could also yield information. For example, many people in Europe take SAMe for depression. It is available over the counter in the US. It works for people who have a genetic condition that has an inefficient use of this chemical in a chemical process called methylation. While this affects not only neuro transmitting chemicals, it also is used in other chemical processes. Some have found it useful in restless leg syndrome.

Most nutritional or supplemental experimentation revels little that is useful, but occasionally one encounters something that proves effective.

You have already done well in the experimental process and have found things that you can use in you coping and management process. I would encourage you to continue your experimentation and share what works that might also help others.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I personally try and channel that kind of energy into something constructive, usually something physical, often something with a tangible by product and almost always outdoors. Multiple benefits there for me: exercise, sunlight, something useful made or acquired and physical exhaustion/plus neurotransmitter balance from natural light to help with sleep.

 

[signifying nothing]

I have something of this same problem at the moment. Anxiety, too much energy internally, mentally and physically, but can't find ways to release it. Hard to write properly as it gets worse. Mind trying to go off in many directions at once ends up going nowhere. Lose the ability to access the right words.

Might have to try some alcohol as my next port of call, something to slow me down a bit. Might turn off the fridge too.

 

[blueflame]

My advice is:

don't suppress your emotions. If you want to scream, find a place where you can be alone, without being disturbed and without disturbing anyone or anything, then do it, scream, cry, move, flail around. Do it all there. Release it all to the void.
Don't worry about how it may look like from the outside. Release it all.


Peace.

 

[Intheo]

I personally try and channel that kind of energy into something constructive, usually something physical, often something with a tangible by product and almost always outdoors. Multiple benefits there for me: exercise, sunlight, something useful made or acquired and physical exhaustion/plus neurotransmitter balance from natural light to help with sleep.

This has been my coping method for most of my adult life as well. I love water based activities and that would definitely take my mind off of things. Unfortunately I live in a place where outdoor activities are limited, expensive, and it's now way too cold for such things. I would also basically live in the gym and work out all the time if I could but unfortunately the gyms are closed due to covid and I can't work out anyway right now due to injuries. I take dance classes which provide both physical activity and social interaction, but once again, they are canceled due to covid. Once again, I am distracted during class but once I leave the classes the anxiety creeps back in and follows me until I fall asleep.

The only thing I have available, if I can bear the cold, is hiking but that surprisingly has been ineffective. I hiked up the biggest mountain in my country and was literally above the clouds and getting altitude sickness, and my mind kept racing and wandering instead of taking in the breathtaking vista in front of me.

I have something of this same problem at the moment. Anxiety, too much energy internally, mentally and physically, but can't find ways to release it. Hard to write properly as it gets worse. Mind trying to go off in many directions at once ends up going nowhere. Lose the ability to access the right words.

Might have to try some alcohol as my next port of call, something to slow me down a bit. Might turn off the fridge too.

Exactly how it is for me too. I have so many ideas for stories and things I want to express but it's like they get stuck at the door trying to go through at once. I have a hard time getting started, much less committed to sticking with one. I took me five years once to write a story that ended up being much shorter than I expected and much more anticlimactic.

Being a little tipsy might help but every time I drink to get my creative juices flowing, I honestly always end up getting too drunk.. and it's just horrible.

 

[massiveblackhole]

my partner says running helps him clear his head - if you cant keep still and your mind is racing with all these thoughts maybe putting your energy into some kind of physical exercise would help? followed by meditation? i feel going straight into meditation would be really hard without calming your mind beforehand.

 

[Sherri]

My best friend also says the wonders of running and exercising. Hence the fact the therapists are always asking us to do that. Easier said than done.

 

[massiveblackhole]

My best friend also says the wonders of running and exercising. Hence the fact the therapists are always asking us to do that. Easier said than done.

i personally cant stand running i think its hard and boring - i like yoga and dancing though. but i also feel like all this shit we do are just distractions and ways to fill in time before we die. you might feel good for an hour or so then you have to go back to work, doing chores, all the other bullcrap that is life then you die. what is the point.

 

[Sherri]

i personally cant stand running i think its hard and boring - i like yoga and dancing though. but i also feel like all this shit we do are just distractions and ways to fill in time before we die. you might feel good for an hour or so then you have to go back to work, doing chores, all the other bullcrap that is life then you die. what is the point.

My friend is so crazy he also goes to the beach daily for a swim, in winter for 30 minutes everyday and only showers with cold water to tone the muscles, sometimes I just stare from the car while smoking lol

 

[massiveblackhole]

My friend is so crazy he also goes to the beach daily for a swim, in winter for 30 minutes everyday and only showers with cold water to tone the muscles, sometimes I just stare from the car while smoking lol

my partner is an Iron Man (triathlete that does 3.8k swim, 180 km bike ride and 42 km marathon - all in one day). he's nuts yet he's not the suicidal one...maybe that's the key to life - finding some crazy shit you're really into that basically consumes your life so you dont have time to contemplate ctb

 

[Sherri]

my partner is an Iron Man (triathlete that does 3.8k swim, 180 km bike ride and 42 km marathon - all in one day). he's nuts yet he's not the suicidal one...maybe that's the key to life - finding some crazy shit you're really into that basically consumes your life so you dont have time to contemplate ctb

I do believe if we move our asses a bit we would prob feel better. I wonder myself sometimes if I'm not hiding behind my depression sometimes. But I get anxiety attacks so many often.

 

[Intheo]

i personally cant stand running i think its hard and boring - i like yoga and dancing though. but i also feel like all this shit we do are just distractions and ways to fill in time before we die. you might feel good for an hour or so then you have to go back to work, doing chores, all the other bullcrap that is life then you die. what is the point.

I do all those things and I am cognizant of the fact they are in fact distractions. But since I don't want to kill myself right now, I supposed I try to distract myself with things constantly. I run, skateboard, I do yoga and dance as well. I go to parties and drink and smoke (although less now because of corona). I play guitar and write. All are just attempts to make existence a bit more bearable, but I can't physically do those things all the time and part of me is always wanting something deeper, more fundamental. When the music stops or I get too tired or I'm sober or get writer's block... the anxiety comes back.

 

[massiveblackhole]

I do all those things and I am cognizant of the fact they are in fact distractions. But since I don't want to kill myself right now, I supposed I try to distract myself with things constantly. I run, skateboard, I do yoga and dance as well. I go to parties and drink and smoke (although less now because of corona). I play guitar and write. All are just attempts to make existence a bit more bearable, but I can't physically do those things all the time and part of me is always wanting something deeper, more fundamental. When the music stops or I get too tired or I'm sober or get writer's block... the anxiety comes back.

yes i understand how you feel that all these things we do in life are futile attempts to make life more bearable but feel shallow and empty (like going to parties and stuff which i used to when i was younger but not anymore). i also feel like i should be doing something more profound with my life but i dont know what.