Help what to do about my friend

[InaudibleEcho]

I feel like an asshole for talking about her behind her back but It's a real thing going on here and I don't know what to do.
She has anxiety. She worries a lot about if she's a good person or if she's allowed to forgive herself for stuff she did in the past. I always comfort her and I know it's hard for her to deal with. But, like, I can't help but feel like she relies on me. It makes me worried.
I don't know how much she relies on her own judgment. I feel like she always tells me about getting into a debate with her family and asks if she's right even when it's an opinion I thought she solidly believed, she's asking me if it's her fault for something she clearly wasn't aware was bad/it didn't even matter.
I really want to help her and be there for her but I feel like almost half of our conversations are about that. She also worries a lot about me turning on her and "exposing" all of her deep dark secrets.
I'm really worried about confronting her or at the very least pointing it out because I'm afraid it's going to make her hate me or send her into a depression and need even more affirmation. All I want is for her to learn to rely on her own thoughts and opinions instead of turning to me. She says she's trying to start over and forgive herself for her past so should I even bother?

 

[Remeer]

look, the important thing here is you, and I understand the situation you are in, but be careful because it may be affecting you because from what you say it is a toxic relationship, I wouldn't even say friendship, since you cannot answer it honestly what you feel
The important thing is, are you enjoying the relationship? After talking with her, how do you feel? Does the person you mention have any intention of improving?
What you mention is somewhat worrisome because if you are in this forum for something, you don't need any more problems

regarding your question, no, don't worry, because you can't even talk freely with that person

I apologize if you didn't like my answer, but I live better without that kind of "friends", be careful

greetings, be well

 

[Doombox]

She depends on external sources of validation rather than internal. If you do a search on that some articles will come up. You might be able to share one of them with her.

 

[InaudibleEcho]

look, the important thing here is you, and I understand the situation you are in, but be careful because it may be affecting you because from what you say it is a toxic relationship, I wouldn't even say friendship, since you cannot answer it honestly what you feel
The important thing is, are you enjoying the relationship? After talking with her, how do you feel? Does the person you mention have any intention of improving?
What you mention is somewhat worrisome because if you are in this forum for something, you don't need any more problems

regarding your question, no, don't worry, because you can't even talk freely with that person

I apologize if you didn't like my answer, but I live better without that kind of "friends", be careful

greetings, be well

I have a hard time understanding and maintaining relationships. I think I'm only still around her is because of how much she seems to need me. Plus, she's the only friend I've had for multiple years that's still around. I'm not sure if I really love her or if I just don't want her pain to be my burden.
She said she was gonna start over yesterday and let go of whatever bad stuff she did in the past but today she came back to me for reassurance that she wasn't bad because she didn't know better about another situation that doesn't matter in real life. It's gets more annoying every time she does it but I'm afraid to call it out because I don't want to hurt her.

 

[Remeer]

If you really care, you should tell him what you really feel, for love of you and the relationship, if you continue with this you will collapse and it is because you are reaching a critical point, you are absorbing a lot of negativity on his part, that has its effects on you and your close ones
She may be your only friend, but if the relationship has been like this for years, why do you want that relationship?
If she is your friend and you want a romantic relationship with her, tell her, if she doesn't want it, it's over, the mourning begins and you can start the healing process
It gives me the feeling that he is using you

be aware that by not "hurting" her you are hurting yourself

It's a complicated topic, my apologies again

 

[InaudibleEcho]

If you really care, you should tell him what you really feel, for love of you and the relationship, if you continue with this you will collapse and it is because you are reaching a critical point, you are absorbing a lot of negativity on his part, that has its effects on you and your close ones
She may be your only friend, but if the relationship has been like this for years, why do you want that relationship?
If she is your friend and you want a romantic relationship with her, tell her, if she doesn't want it, it's over, the mourning begins and you can start the healing process
It gives me the feeling that he is using you

be aware that by not "hurting" her you are hurting yourself

It's a complicated topic, my apologies again

I'm not sure where you got the impression I'm romantically interested in her, but I can assure you im not, lol. I just want to know how to say she's effecting me with minimal damage done. Even if I'm not sure if I'm even platonically interested in her, I don't think I could handle loosing another friend emotionally since it's so hard for me to communicate and maintain relationships. I'm really lonely as is and I don't want to make it worse.

 

[Remeer]

Because of the word "love" you used, I interpreted it that way.
Good luck with that then, surely you will find a way to express it and the right moment

 

[Scythe]

There's two solutions that I can think of, one is you can tel her that this is stressing you out and she needs to stop with this for a while or at least tone it down.
The other solution is when she comes to you for something like this, instead of giving her your opinion ask her questions so she can find her own opinion. Then after she gets an opinion, you can tell her that her opinion is valid or whatever. (You might have already tried this I don't know)
For example, you can ask her why she did what she did in that moment, and you can ask her to say exactly why she thinks what she did was bad. When she asks for your opinion, you can tell her it's time for her to do some thinking.
If you must, cut ties with her, but it seems like it would be really hard on her if you do thay, so at least try telling her to tone it down a bit before you cut ties.

 

[Sweet Tart]

It sounds like she has boundary issues and is self-preoccupied. Depending on you so heavily for validation and expressing fears about you turning on her are concerning behaviors. Seems like she's expecting you to do a lot of emotional labor in the relationship, perhaps more than you are comfortable with/able to do. It is totally fair to take a step back if the friendship is too demanding.

Apologies if I'm reading into this and projecting my own stuff.

 

[InaudibleEcho]

just a quick update: I still haven't said anything to my friend. She hasn't done what I talked about in the original post so it seems she really is trying to get better but I've also noticed just how much she talks about her family. Like, she talks a lot about how terrible her family is. i never know what to say other than her family sucks. But like it's okay to vent when people are mean and annoying. I struggle to see why people think this is abusive..I can't really tell the difference between this supposed abusive behavior and normal venting to a friend..?