I normalize thoughts of suicide/death much to the consternation/disappointment/objection of mental health professionals.
It's normal to complain about traffic even though it is well known you can't really do much about it. Still, people complain away.
It's the same with my mortality and (my( existence.
"Ah fuck, I woke up which means I'm still alive/in the simulation/whatever. Just X more months and no more of this."
"That was a nice meal! Still rather not be."
"Today was super. I accomplished a lot. Rather not be."
"Wow....I feel so fulfilled watching that deep film/having a great conversation with a beloved person. Still rather not be. Only X more months."
"Haha that's hilarious because of how absurd, saracastic, and/or ironic the premise was! Not being is best. X more months."
~While checking in with psychiatrist .~ Routine question response: "Yes/normal/things are fine." Internal thoughts: "That's a "lie" but only X more months and I won't be. " "Only X more months and I won't be."
TMI/
further crazy rambling: if you haven't noticed, I have an obsession with
being.
To me, people who want to die don't go far enough: you can die in this shared reality we perceive but still exist in some form (as a memory, alternate universe (if existent),
as a character in a book (if this reality we collectively perceive is a "novel"; see ), etc).
Having absolutely no essence whatsoever that not even omnipotent and/or omniscient god(s) can conceive of "you" at any "point" in time: THAT is the ultimate death. It isn't even "death" because to have death, you"had to" at one point exist.