what side of your family loves you more?

[Orin]

Just curious guys,

Do you feel that one side of your family loves you more? Like in my case, i feel that my mother's side loves me unconditionally, while on my father's side, i'm treated like utter garbage. I've seen homeless people treated better than how they treat me, to the point that i have a theory that i'm not really their biological relative (who knows, maybe my mom was messing around, though i find this highly unlikely since many people say i look like my dad more than my mom.)

Is there a theory out there that the father's side of the family usually treats you worse since they can never be 100% sure if you are indeed a blood-relative?

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Meh, not close to either

 

[been_there]

When i confided in my mother that i was having suicidal thoughts, she asked me if i was thinking of any methods. I said "maybe jump over the Golden Gate Bridge."

She said "why waste money going to SF if the Coronado Bridge is just 20 minutes away?"

Unconditional love that aint.

There's no pattern in parenting. There are just people. Some may support you, some may not. Some weren't allowed to parent, some are psychopaths. Don't look to your parents for answers, look to yourself.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

The only one who loved me more died of a stoke when I was 12...

 

[RM5998]

My family has kinda separated itself from both the maternal and paternal sides. I'd say the maternal side is much closer, so that balances out my mom herself.

 

[TimeToDie]

I have no contract with any relatives so this question doesn't even apply to me. They're all dead, or I don't know them, and one is fucking suing me!

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

No one loves me in my family, and thats ok. I never grew up in a strong family structure and it sucks.

 

[Soul]

My family was never up to much, at least in my lifetime, and now they've mostly died or otherwise lost touch. Having no sense of family has meant having to build "home" from scratch, without having a clue how.

I'm told it sucks, but I have no basis for comparison. I think it beats investing miles of energy into a pretense that a dysfunctional family is just dandy, or slogging along feeling oppressed by obligations to unpleasant people - but what do I know.

In any case, I recently read an article saying most babies resemble their fathers, since that ensures more acceptance and nurturing from the parent who may have doubts.

 

[been_there]

an article saying most babies resemble their fathers

Yes! To stop us eating them.

When they were babies I used to pretend to eat them just to watch the charming faces they would pull. How fucked is that?!

 

[Loli]

I think they both love me similarly, in they own, odd way. But what I felt like before I moved out years ago?
I believed I was an agent ruining their marriage and that they tolerated me because they had to. I thought that none of them loves me because a scatter brain like me did not meet their standards. I though that my mother LIKED me more than him because she sometimes said something nice to me while father was making me cry everyday.

 

[inconsequential]

Neither. They both disowned me for, "breaking up the family". They both regularly talk shit about me. And they both come around roughly once a year, find me on some social media platform or inexplicably find my phone number, and yell at me about how I destroyed everything. Merry Christmas to you too?

Excuse the fuck out of me. I just wanted to stop being molested, and stop by mom from getting beaten, but excuse the fuck out of me.

 

[Going Home]

Whatever side that doesn't tell me to ask for help, then call me needy. Whoever is not telling me to stand up for myself just to then say I have an attitude. Whoever isn't taunting me then calling me angry. Basically whoever is not engaging in gaslighting.

 

[RM5998]

I believed I was an agent ruining their marriage and that they tolerated me because they had to. I thought that none of them loves me because a scatter brain like me did not meet their standards.

Can relate. My mom has made it clear that she believes that I ruined her - which is kinda true, so... eh? I've certainly failed to be a good son and a good student, which is kinda the purpose behind my existence... so any salt from her is to some extent justified. My dad's disappointed, but he keeps it closer to his chest (not close enough, though... it's not that hard to tell). They both needed me to be successful due to pressure from the extended family, who literally have no stake in me whatsoever apart from mere curiosity and bragging rights.
Both of my parents put in an insane amount of effort to ensure that I would have all the opportunities and training needed to become a successful person that they could be proud of. However, I've not exactly turned out well. A large part of that is me wanting to... put less effort into life, so to say. And I have no idea how to come to terms with the fact that I've been a disappointment to my parents, who are the only measure I have for my own happiness.

 

[not_a_robot]

how do they treat your mom?

 

[Severen]

Not really sure. And I don't really care. Maybe if I had a good reason to live, I'd get in touch with both sides of my family to see if there are some of them who are actually decent people.

 

[Ambie]

My mom's side probably, since my father is almost completely emotionless. But I don't think either of them has ever loved me, they are not capable of it.

 

[SinisterKid]

I have a sister I am close to, although we dont have a great deal of contact with each other. Other than that, I have nothing to do with any family members who are still alive. I find them very toxic to be around or to even talk to, so I steer well clear of them these days.

I think both sets of grandparents gave a lot of love to us as kids, which in some ways made up for the chaos caused by our dear parents.

 

[Kuolema]

I never knew my real Dad. He left before I was even born. My Step-Dad's side of the family is very religious which is annoying as fuck. They're very nice to me because I'm not flamboyantly gay, but whenever they say shit about "the gays" or "abortionists" I want to stick my head in a lawnmower. My Mum is a convert and her side of the family is alright but I don't really speak to them much anymore. I stopped going to family gatherings a long time ago. If there is a side that loves me more, it would definitely be my Mum's, but my Grandma on my Step-Dad's side sort of tips the scales the other way. But I don't think that would be the case if I ever came out unfortunately.

It's very disheartening to hear how many of you had horrible childhoods thanks to shitty parents (although I suppose that comes with the territory of such a website). I hope you all manage to find a way to heal from such abuse. Seriously, fuck people who abuse their kids.

 

[shaddix]

I think my mom likes me, and my oldest half sister on my dad's side. The rest of them don't give a fuck and I don't give a fuck about them.

 

[Sailfisher]

My father's parents were dead before I was born. Only my maternal grandmother was still alive. Both sides had kids later in life, so the age gap was wide between generations.

 

[Loli]

Can relate. My mom has made it clear that she believes that I ruined her - which is kinda true, so... eh? I've certainly failed to be a good son and a good student, which is kinda the purpose behind my existence... so any salt from her is to some extent justified. My dad's disappointed, but he keeps it closer to his chest (not close enough, though... it's not that hard to tell). They both needed me to be successful due to pressure from the extended family, who literally have no stake in me whatsoever apart from mere curiosity and bragging rights.
Both of my parents put in an insane amount of effort to ensure that I would have all the opportunities and training needed to become a successful person that they could be proud of. However, I've not exactly turned out well. A large part of that is me wanting to... put less effort into life, so to say. And I have no idea how to come to terms with the fact that I've been a disappointment to my parents, who are the only measure I have for my own happiness.

Man, I'm sorry. Looks like our parents had very similar style of parenting. They're the boss and home is a workplace.
And how one can blame a child for "ruined life", ffs.

 

[Quinlor]

I don't have family anymore beside my mom and dad.