Venting What should I do?

[lasagneass]

I tried to give myself a chance and live, but it all came to pieces. When I've felt optimistic and happy, the world wanted to keep me humble and I was struck by a painful skin disease that took almost a month out of my life (including my holidays) and didn't let me rest for more tirying school days. We still don't know the reason why it occured in the first place.
Why the world doesn't want me to be okay??Why can't I enjoy anything??
I swear, people around me are getting together, planning their future, generally enjoying being alive and they aren't punished for it.
I'm starting to believe that I live in a simulation that's designed to make my life unlikeable, fucking championships "WHEN WILL SHE DIE 2020"
It's horrible, I feel defeated. My parents aren't supportive either, they dismiss my problems and my health is crumbling really badly these days, the story goes like:
"I go to a doctor for one thing and I find out about 10 other issues I need to face"
Repeated endless times.
I feel like I wasn't meant there and the world tries to convey that message by bombarding me with fucking Egyptian plagues, I broke the record with my borderline unlucky ass.

 

[Lady black]

It seems some of us are not made to live (like me too)

 

[theguineapigking]

I understand your pain. I have bad luck in life and lots of medical issues. Chronic fatigue is one symptom. I had 2 partial lung collapses within 2 months time in 2016. I have had insanely bad luck with doing things in general. Some people have to deal with a lot of bull crap that others never could even imagine going through. It's so annoying. Is the skin problem gone now? Was it temporary? Do you have any other medical issues(other than depression or whatever)?Do you have a supportive family or friends you can turn to?

When you say it feels like a simulation,I know it can be an expression,but do you actually think deeply like that? Do you think about the meaning of life and if life is a simulation or not? I think deeply about that sort of stuff.

I know I can't remove your pain,but If you want to talk,I'm here for you.

 

[lasagneass]

I understand your pain. I have bad luck in life and lots of medical issues. Chronic fatigue is one symptom. I had 2 partial lung collapses within 2 months time in 2016. I have had insanely bad luck with doing things in general. Some people have to deal with a lot of bull crap that others never could even imagine going through. It's so annoying. Is the skin problem gone now? Was it temporary? Do you have any other medical issues(other than depression or whatever)?Do you have a supportive family or friends you can turn to?

When you say it feels like a simulation,I know it can be an expression,but do you actually think deeply like that? Do you think about the meaning of life and if life is a simulation or not? I think deeply about that sort of stuff.

I know I can't remove your pain,but If you want to talk,I'm here for you.

Hell yeah I got more, that skin problem is slowly healing(?????) though.
I need to :
check my hormones, have like 3 surgeries, go across my country to get my treatment, visit x doctors. (Don't really want to go into details)
The funny thing is, I went some time ago to check my female hormones and the dude was like - so let me check your thyroid too. And I found out it's covered in weird cysts and I might be prone to thyroid diseases further in life. Lmao just end me.

 

[theguineapigking]

Hell yeah I got more, that skin problem is slowly healing(?????) though.
I need to :
check my hormones, have like 3 surgeries, go across my country to get my treatment, visit x doctors. (Don't really want to go into details)
The funny thing is, I went some time ago to check my female hormones and the dude was like - so let me check your thyroid too. And I found out it's covered in weird cysts and I might be prone to thyroid diseases further in life. Lmao just end me.

Damn. I'm incredibly sorry to hear that. I have thyroid issues too for which I take levothyroxine.(though not nearly as bad of yours)


Just don't feel bad about yourself. Some human bodies are just really crappy(it's not an insult against you at all). I see the human body as a vessel,whether or not there are spirits. Some human bodies are pretty,some arent. Some are ill,some are healthy. But just keep in mind that you were born this way and there's nothing you could've done. But I totally understand why you feel this way. It's like there's one medical problem popping up after another,and you feel helpless to stop it.



It's your choice whether or not you continue fighting to hang on in life. But it's always possible things will work out for the better.

 

[lasagneass]

Damn. I'm incredibly sorry to hear that. I have thyroid issues too for which I take levothyroxine.(though not nearly as bad of yours)


Just don't feel bad about yourself. Some human bodies are just really crappy(it's not an insult against you at all). I see the human body as a vessel,whether or not there are spirits. Some human bodies are pretty,some arent. Some are ill,some are healthy. But just keep in mind that you were born this way and there's nothing you could've done. But I totally understand why you feel this way. It's like there's one medical problem popping up after another,and you feel helpless to stop it.



It's your choice whether or not you continue fighting to hang on in life. But it's always possible things will work out for the better.

The saddest thing is, I want to enjoy life and live past 40 but I don't think it's possible, I feel exhausted and dreadful being 18. It's hard to get over that fact that I was the sperm that won and I wasn't meant to, my life does not matter anything, I'm not supposed to be there, like a extra arm on a manufactured toy. It's really sad looking at happy, healthy and attractive people and I'm just an NPC in my own story. It's honestly heartbreaking. Fuck, I don't want to live but I'm scared of passing.

 

[MarluxiaX2]

The saddest thing is, I want to enjoy life and live past 40 but I don't think it's possible, I feel exhausted and dreadful being 18. It's hard to get over that fact that I was the sperm that won and I wasn't meant to, my life does not matter anything, I'm not supposed to be there, like a extra arm on a manufactured toy. It's really sad looking at happy, healthy and attractive people and I'm just an NPC in my own story. It's honestly heartbreaking. Fuck, I don't want to live but I'm scared of passing.

My life is at it's worst since ever. I lost my grandfather last year, my cat passed 2 weeks ago, the love of my life has broken up with me and I've lost my job. I'm 23 and hell, I'm seriously considering on logging out. The pain is all too much anymore. I feel dead already

 

[lasagneass]

My life is at it's worst since ever. I lost my grandfather last year, my cat passed 2 weeks ago, the love of my life has broken up with me and I've lost my job. I'm 23 and hell, I'm seriously considering on logging out. The pain is all too much anymore. I feel dead already

I tend to see more light in others than I do in myself, but listen. You got employed before, you were loved before. That means it will happen again soon, you are capable of these things. Take a deep breath, don't rush with anything. You got this all.

 

[MarluxiaX2]

I tend to see more light in others than I do in myself, but listen. You got employed before, you were loved before. That means it will happen again soon, you are capable of these things. Take a deep breath, don't rush with anything. You got this all.

Thank you so much for this reply ❤ I wish all the best for you. PM if you ever wanna talk!

 

[jgm63]

@lasagneass
Sorry to hear of all the things you're going through.
Hoping some of them might start improving soon.....

But at least being here you can take back control, and give yourself options.

 

[theguineapigking]

The saddest thing is, I want to enjoy life and live past 40 but I don't think it's possible, I feel exhausted and dreadful being 18. It's hard to get over that fact that I was the sperm that won and I wasn't meant to, my life does not matter anything, I'm not supposed to be there, like a extra arm on a manufactured toy. It's really sad looking at happy, healthy and attractive people and I'm just an NPC in my own story. It's honestly heartbreaking. Fuck, I don't want to live but I'm scared of passing.

I totally get how you feel. I know it's very depressing to want to live to be old,yet feel hopeless or like it won't happen. I don't want to live because my chronic fatigue and brain fog make it really hard for me to work and I always make a fool of myself or stutter or get confused and struggle to explain something. I don't want to live to be old. I want to die today. I want to die now. Youre not alone in feeling this way.


Maybe you'll get better,at least to some extent. I can't give you the will to live,but I can tell you that your life is important. You're not just the broken arm on a figure. Who knows,if spirits exist,maybe you would've been born into a different body anyways. Just don't feel worthless. I wish your body could be cured.



I'm here if you want to pm me or talk. I know I can't fix you,but I can talk and give you someone to vent to. It's nice to be able to talk to others that understand.

Do you watch cartoons like South Park,family guy,Simpson's,Rick and morty,etc? It can sometimes be nice to escape a little bit from your mind by watching some comedy shows.

I wish you happiness in the meantime :)

 

[Largeletters]

Some of us just get dealt shitty cards. I don't know how or why this happens. I wish I could have a great life like so many of my coworkers. I'm sorry for all you have to go through.