Venting What should I do?

[I'm tired]

Being honest it's probably my first and last post here. I don't know what I'm doing here, I just want someone to hear me out. I'm failing school, my relationship with my family is so bad I'm starting to realize they never actually loved me and my brother was right about them hating on me when I'm not looking, my friends won't talk to me unless it's me who says hi first, I have absolutely no skills in anything, I'm reaching out to strangers on internet because I have no one else, all in all my life is pathetic.

To be honest I'm embarrassed, It's my first time writing on a site like that but I can't stand this madness anymore, I don't know if someone's even gonna read this post but if you're reading it, thank you for your time. And I'm sorry for my English in advance, it's my second language.

I'll just say it, I hate my father. he's a piece of trash and I know it. but so many people keep telling me that I can't not contact my father just because we went into argument that it's driving me crazy. I know what he said to me, and it's because of him I have ocd. so what if he's my father? Should I really reconnect with him just because we're family? Besides my family, even one of my friends told me to grow tf up and that I can't ignore him. It's a long story of what had happened between us, and I'm pretty sure no one wants to really hear about this, but I'm just curious, should I reconnect with him just because we're family? I'm so desperately seeking for an answer to that it's driving me crazy. I can't even remember when was the last night I didn't cried myself to sleep because of that. I keep on having these thoughts, how bad of a daughter I am, how disappointed my family is with me. My heart aches so bad every time I'm thinking about it. I run away from all my problems but I'm too scared to die. I'm a coward who's able to run away but is too scared to take responsibility. Just what should I do?

 

[Storyteller]

Being honest it's probably my first and last post here. I don't know what I'm doing here, I just want someone to hear me out. I'm failing school, my relationship with my family is so bad I'm starting to realize they never actually loved me and my brother was right about them hating on me when I'm not looking, my friends won't talk to me unless it's me who says hi first, I have absolutely no skills in anything, I'm reaching out to strangers on internet because I have no one else, all in all my life is pathetic.

To be honest I'm embarrassed, It's my first time writing on a site like that but I can't stand this madness anymore, I don't know if someone's even gonna read this post but if you're reading it, thank you for your time. And I'm sorry for my English in advance, it's my second language.

I'll just say it, I hate my father. he's a piece of trash and I know it. but so many people keep telling me that I can't not contact my father just because we went into argument that it's driving me crazy. I know what he said to me, and it's because of him I have ocd. so what if he's my father? Should I really reconnect with him just because we're family? Besides my family, even one of my friends told me to grow tf up and that I can't ignore him. It's a long story of what had happened between us, and I'm pretty sure no one wants to really hear about this, but I'm just curious, should I reconnect with him just because we're family? I'm so desperately seeking for an answer to that it's driving me crazy. I can't even remember when was the last night I didn't cried myself to sleep because of that. I keep on having these thoughts, how bad of a daughter I am, how disappointed my family is with me. My heart aches so bad every time I'm thinking about it. I run away from all my problems but I'm too scared to die. I'm a coward who's able to run away but is too scared to take responsibility. Just what should I do?

Damn I know how it feels like. Maybe give it a chance with your father, but if it's consistently hurts you, than you are not obligated to do so. It's completely normal. It is not only about "forgive but not forget", sometimes it is difficult to even forgive. I for once will never forgive my family and won't let other people to change my mind all simply because they don't know them like I do. They haven't been with them as much as I did and if they can walk away from them, I can't. That's why I at least let myself emotionally withdraw from them but it pains not to be able cut them off my life entirely.

 

[Sulyya]

While no one here can tell you with certainty what you should or shouldn't do, hopefully you find some help here! So sorry for what you've been through.

I personally don't think that you are required at all to connect with anyone in the world that you don't want to. Maybe it would help, or maybe it would cause more harm. Does he seem as though he's changed at all or would hear you out honestly? If you can bring together what you need to and make your own life as good as you can, keeping only minimal contact with the people who hurt you and being close with people who understand, then maybe that is best instead.

 

[Zetsubou]

You're not obligated to reconnect with an abusive person just because they're family. I've kept my distance from my own father since he's the source for a lot of my mental problems. Have you tried speaking with a therapist about what you're going through? If anything, we are here to listen. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk or vent.

 

[Zegers]

All i can say is family is who supports you and is considerate of you, others are NPC'S this simulation did put there.

 

[Junolvr]

You're not obligated to reconnect with an abusive person just because they're family. I've kept my distance from my own father since he's the source for a lot of my mental problems. Have you tried speaking with a therapist about what you're going through? If anything, we are here to listen. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk or vent.

Exactly what they said. There's so much room for family to be abusive because its taboo to cut them off, but when they cause continuous pain its for the best to do so

 

[SexyIncél]

I'll just say it, I hate my father. he's a piece of trash and I know it. but so many people keep telling me that I can't not contact my father just because we went into argument that it's driving me crazy. I know what he said to me, and it's because of him I have ocd. so what if he's my father? Should I really reconnect with him just because we're family? Besides my family, even one of my friends told me to grow tf up and that I can't ignore him.

If the minuses outweigh the plusses: to hell with that guy. He had decades to treat you lovingly, like you deserve

And those "friends" are just normies. Families are organizations full of randos you got born with, very hierarchical

 

[Asprex]

Maybe you don't have to reconnect with him, from my experience with family members I say that i can be also fine to take your time apart from him. I have a very abusive grandfather, everyone knows that he is old but he is still a human and everything he says has an impact on everyone. A couple years ago, we got into an argument and he tried to choke me and i had to defend myself then he threaten to call the police on me. Also a lot of death threats and such (he's been arguing with my father too). I was so scared i sh in front of my brothers . I hope they have forgotten it by now. Since that day i haven't talked to him ever again even thought we live in the same house (different floors). I believe he is the main reason for my anxiety but i can't do anything but wait for him to die. If you're in an abusive environment think about changing it.