Venting What should I do about my mom?

[Misery99]

When I was a kid my mom used to have sex with my brother's friend behind my dad's back.When I was 9 years old I saw my mom naked laying on floor and brother's friend licking her ***** Other days she would go inside room and I can see the silhouette of them having sex and sometimes I heard the noise too.I was mentally traumatized for life.She had sexual affairs with other men too throughout years.When dad is away my mom would call her younger boyfriends and have sex with them while I was at home.

My mom is one of the reasons I want to kill myself.She is extremely overbearing and it suffocates me.I'm a 26 years old girl and I haven't even had my first kiss.All because of my mom.I met a guy online in the end of 2017 and he is a good looking doctor.He visits my country once or twice per year so it's hard to meet him.He asked me out on a date several times and my mom didn't let me go to meet him.I cried and begged for her to let me meet him but she told me that I could not go alone.So I had to go with my brother.My date could not even kiss me because my brother was also there.So I lost my opportunity to get my first kiss all because of my crazy mom.Because of her I'm going to die as a kissless,hugless virgin.

My dad or brothers don't know about my mom's sexual affairs with other men.Should I tell them? I kept all these things as a secret hidden inside me fearing dad would beat mom.But it seems like my sympathy has no meaning to her.She ruined my chance with that guy.That's the reason I feel so sick and angry of my life.I don't want to die with this secret.If you were in my shoes what would you do?

 

[I screwed up]

First a huge hug for you ((hug)) ... Do u want to ctb only because of your mom ? If yes then I think u need to rethink ur decision over again.
Regarded telling yr dad abt ur moms secret affairs etc. , ur mom can easily deny all those allegations , u do not have any proof for them. It may further complicate matters and ur relationship with ur dad, bro.
I don't know ur mental state but try focus on ur career, I m sure u will definitely get some great guy who will love u and keep u happy.

 

[yetme]

nothing. you're not your mom, you're you. you cannot do anything about other people. basically you have 2 options, 1)accept the situation as it as. 2) don't accept it. in that case pack you bags and leave.

 

[Misery99]

First a huge hug for you ((hug)) ... Do u want to ctb only because of your mom ? If yes then I think u need to rethink ur decision over again.
Regarded telling yr dad abt ur moms secret affairs etc. , ur mom can easily deny all those allegations , u do not have any proof for them. It may further complicate matters and ur relationship with ur dad, bro.
I don't know ur mental state but try focus on ur career, I m sure u will definitely get some great guy who will love u and keep u happy.

No I don't want to ctb just because of my mom.I have been severely depressed for years so ctb had been always in my mind.I want to experience intimacy before I die though.That's what keeps me alive.My dad actually had been suspicious about mom's behavior so he would believe if I told so.I don't have a career either.

nothing. you're not your mom, you're you. you cannot do anything about other people. basically you have 2 options, 1)accept the situation as it as. 2) don't accept it. in that case pack you bags and leave.

It's not that easy for me to pack bags and go....Why I would anyway.It's my mom who committed adultery not me.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Op can u not just defy your mother? If she says you must do something like take your brother to a date, just say no to her? Does she beat you? Can u not stand up to her? What does your father think? Is he supportive of u? You could tell him about the affairs to support your claims that your mother isn't behaving or being a decent person but if he will actually beat her i wouldn't tell. Why can't you move out?

 

[autumnal]

No I don't want to ctb just because of my mom.I have been severely depressed for years so ctb had been always in my mind.I want to experience intimacy before I die though.That's what keeps me alive.My dad actually had been suspicious about mom's behavior so he would believe if I told so.I don't have a career either.

It's not that easy for me to pack bags and go....Why I would anyway.It's my mom who committed adultery not me.

Like '@I screwed up' said, I would be wary of telling your father. Even if he did have some suspicions, your mother would most likely lie and discredit you in order to convince him. Additionally, in these kind of situations, the cheated-on partner sometimes suspects the truth deep down but doesn't want to face it. So he might turn against you as well in that scenario, rather than face the reality of it. You know your situation better than we do, and perhaps he would genuinely believe you without any proof. But please don't assume this would be the case. And as the other member said, just because he believes you, doesn't mean it might not complicate your entire home life situation in a negative way. The dream of him kicking her out of the house and things being better for you is perhaps just wishful thinking.

To still be living at home at 26 and under that degree of parental control, I'm assuming there are cultural factors at play also? Assuming you are in a relatively liberal country, but the parental control is preventing you from forming relationships, (and you are definitely committed to the idea of suicide) you could experience intimacy first either through a one-night stand kind of encounter, or with a male escort. The second category is probably more likely to be guaranteed discreet, considerate and attuned to your own needs.

 

[Misery99]

Op can u not just defy your mother? If she says you must do something like take your brother to a date, just say no to her? Does she beat you? Can u not stand up to her? What does your father think? Is he supportive of u? You could tell him about the affairs to support your claims that your mother isn't behaving or being a decent person but if he will actually beat her i wouldn't tell. Why can't you move out?

No my mom doesn't beat me.She had never hurt me physically for as long as I can remember.I could not say no to take my brother for the date because I can't do anything without my family knowing.I never leave house.I'm a antisocial hermit.I have no desire for going out except that day when I wanted to meet that guy.I wanted to do something on my own for the first time but it didn't work.My dad was also at mom's side and told me to go with my brother.I can't move out because I live in a country where it's normal for adult children to live with their parents until they get married.I can't do anything on my own anyway.I'm not independent.I believe that I have aspergers.

Like '@I screwed up' said, I would be wary of telling your father. Even if he did have some suspicions, your mother would most likely lie and discredit you in order to convince him. Additionally, in these kind of situations, the cheated-on partner sometimes suspects the truth deep down but doesn't want to face it. So he might turn against you as well in that scenario, rather than face the reality of it. You know your situation better than we do, and perhaps he would genuinely believe you without any proof. But please don't assume this would be the case. And as the other member said, just because he believes you, doesn't mean it might not complicate your entire home life situation in a negative way. The dream of him kicking her out of the house and things being better for you is perhaps just wishful thinking.

To still be living at home at 26 and under that degree of parental control, I'm assuming there are cultural factors at play also? Assuming you are in a relatively liberal country, but the parental control is preventing you from forming relationships, (and you are definitely committed to the idea of suicide) you could experience intimacy first either through a one-night stand kind of encounter, or with a male escort. The second category is probably more likely to be guaranteed discreet, considerate and attuned to your own needs.

Thanks for the answer. I have recorded some of my conversations with mother about her cheating behavior in my phone.So I guess I have little proof.Mom wasn't aware that I recorded while I was talking about it with her.

Yes I live in a pretty cultural country.It's normal for adult children to live with their parents until they get married but it doesn't stop them from having relationships.My problem is that I'm a hermit who never goes out from her home so my parents know that I have nowhere to go.So I had to tell them truth about me wanting to meet a guy.That guy also talked to me about wanting to have sex with me when we meet but it didn't happen because my family interrupted it.I don't feel comfortable about doing it with an escort.It would not happen anyway since I can't invite anyone to my home.I just want someone I feel really attracted to.

I also suffer from severe depression and take antidepressants since years to calm me down.I also believe that I might have aspergers so it's difficult for me to form normal relationships.I don't have friends,a career,nothing at all.So I have nothing to lose.

 

[I screwed up]

Yes I live in a pretty cultural country.It's normal for adult children to live with their parents until they get married but it doesn't stop them from having relationships.

If u don't mind may I know which country u r from, coz in India where I am from its pretty much the same, we stay with our parents till marriage , sometimes even after marriage we live together in a joint family.

 

[Starpeople]

My sibling had to go with me on dates too. One time I knew I wanted to marry the person and so I kissed the person in front of my sibling and didn't care. I am now married to that person and very happy. :)

 

[Misery99]

If u don't mind may I know which country u r from, coz in India where I am from its pretty much the same, we stay with our parents till marriage , sometimes even after marriage we live together in a joint family.

Yes you are right.I'm also a south asian.Us south asians have like the most strict parents in the world. It sucks.

My sibling had to go with me on dates too. One time I knew I wanted to marry the person and so I kissed the person in front of my sibling and didn't care. I am now married to that person and very happy. :)

Wow you are very lucky. I'm happy for you :) In my country people don't kiss or show any intimacy in public.I know it's such a shame.They kiss only behind the closed doors.I'm happy that it worked for you :) Although in my case I just got to know that guy don't want to marry me.