What procedures should be taken to ensure the least amount of suffering for loved ones?

[ArnoldG]

What procedures should be taken to ensure the least amount of suffering for loved ones, before suicide? Do you think closure for family or friends is necessary? Would it be better for people to permanently think you are missing, and not actually confirmed dead?

Side question, different topic: What countries are the most lenient regarding patient requirements for physician-assisted suicide?

 

[Aion]

I think it's better for them to know you are dead. I'll leave them a carefully thought-out suicide note, trying my best to ease their pain. (https://archive.ashspace.org/ashbusstop.org/Note.html)

I only know of Swiss. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dignitas_(Swiss_non-profit_organisation))

 

[Lookingforabus]

What procedures should be taken to ensure the least amount of suffering for loved ones, before suicide? Do you think closure for family or friends is necessary? Would it be better for people to permanently think you are missing, and not actually confirmed dead?

Leave a note absolving them of blame, assuring them you love them (I have a personalized note for each, as well as a general one for the cops), make sure someone else finds the body (I recommend first responders), do as much as you can to reduce what they'll have to do afterwards (will, living will, stuff packed up, residence cleaned up, prepay for a funeral if you want one, provide passwords and access to online accounts like banks and retirement savings), and I'd say give them closure, don't just disappear. Not knowing is emotional painful, stops the grieving process, they'll spend time and resources trying to find you, and your body will probably be discovered anyway (at least in developed countries, it's damn near impossible to not leave a trail and just vanish). You gotta figure they'll know anyway when they don't hear from you in months or years and there's no activity on your accounts, but with you being just "missing", there's no closure, it's harder to hold a funeral and grieve properly, or handle your will/estate.

Oh, and if you CtB a messy way, FFS, don't go anywhere your loved ones will have to clean it up. I know a guy who had to pick chunks of his brother's skull and brain out of the carpet after his brother went out in his home with a shotgun. 25 years later, and the guy still has nightmares and PTSD over that.

 

[wendydong1]

Leave a note absolving them of blame, assuring them you love them (I have a personalized note for each, as well as a general one for the cops), make sure someone else finds the body (I recommend first responders), do as much as you can to reduce what they'll have to do afterwards (will, living will, stuff packed up, residence cleaned up, prepay for a funeral if you want one, provide passwords and access to online accounts like banks and retirement savings), and I'd say give them closure, don't just disappear. Not knowing is emotional painful, stops the grieving process, they'll spend time and resources trying to find you, and your body will probably be discovered anyway (at least in developed countries, it's damn near impossible to not leave a trail and just vanish). You gotta figure they'll know anyway when they don't hear from you in months or years and there's no activity on your accounts, but with you being just "missing", there's no closure, it's harder to hold a funeral and grieve properly, or handle your will/estate.

Oh, and if you CtB a messy way, FFS, don't go anywhere your loved ones will have to clean it up. I know a guy who had to pick chunks of his brother's skull and brain out of the carpet after his brother went out in his home with a shotgun. 25 years later, and the guy still has nightmares and PTSD over that.

How do you let first responders find your body first? Let's say I plan on ctb using SN in my apartment or airbnb. I live alone. And I would prefer to have my body discovered in a day or two. How do I make sure that first responders find me? I am even having trouble coming up with a plan to have my friend find my body...

 

[Done at Fifty]

It seems that the two main reasons people are upset when someone commits suicide is one they miss the person and two they wonder if they could have done something to prevent it. The first part is easy to deal with if you can distance yourself from people. I have friends I only talk to on the phone once a year and relatives I barely see now. I just keep saying that I'm very busy. As for ensuring they don't feel any guilt, a note saying there was nothing anyone could do is a big help, but it would be even better if I had a physical illness that I cold blame. Escaping physical pain (which is can all relate to) just seems to be more acceptable.

 

[Lookingforabus]

How do you let first responders find your body first? Let's say I plan on ctb using SN in my apartment or airbnb. I live alone. And I would prefer to have my body discovered in a day or two. How do I make sure that first responders find me? I am even having trouble coming up with a plan to have my friend find my body...

I live in a text-to-911 locale, so I'm going to setup a scheduled text, as well as a sign or note along the lines of "warning, dead body, call 911" in case anyone gets there first. (Still trying to decide between hotel and nature, so that will impact things a bit.)

You might arrange for a friend to come by a day or two later and leave a similar note inside the door, I guess, or see if text-to-911 (or the local police or poison control or whatever) is an option where you live.

 

[Willowkin]

What procedures should be taken to ensure the least amount of suffering for loved ones, before suicide?

My father shot himself in 2003 and the absolute best thing he did, aside from not causing me or others more pain by seeing him in pain but alive, was he left signs up all over his house saying what he did so the sight didn't traumatize anyone unexpectedly. The woman who finally checked on him called the police so professionals found him.
Side note: I went to his house a few months later and you never would have known what had taken place and I did go into the room I knew he'd done it in.

I plan on doing the same. I've restricted who has keys to my apartment and will have a sign up on my bedroom door. Since I live in an apartment I don't want to draw attention by putting a sign on the main door but think the sign is important which is why I'm closing my bedroom door at all. Even though I will be ODing on pills, I don't want ANYONE unprepared to find me and be traumatized by it, even if I appear sleeping which is only the best possible scenario. I've seen pictures of myself from when I was in a coma and had my eyes open and even that was upsetting.

I am also scheduling a delayed text message so that someone at least finds the body before I start to rot and it affects my neighbors.

Hope this helps! I'm really glad you're thinking of others because so many people in our situation, where we want to die, don't care about what happens afterwards or even want people to be upset and want to have a kind of final FU by knowing a loved one will find their body.

 

[SelfHatingAspie]

I've tried getting my wife used to the fact that there is a strong likelihood that I'll ctb at some stage; mainly by telling her matter-of-factly that people on the spectrum has a significantly shorter lifespan than neurotypicals (anywhere between 16 and 30 years shorter, depending on which study you believe), as well as being at least 9 times more likely to successfully ctb than the general population. I'm trying to get her used to the idea, but it's not going well thus far.

Other actions I plan to take to minimise trauma include ctb a long way from home, along with scheduling emails to be sent several days after I go (but possibly before I'm found), just to let people know where I am and that I am the only person to blame for my demise.

 

[Willowkin]

Other actions I plan to take to minimise trauma include ctb a long way from home, along with scheduling emails to be sent several days after I go (but possibly before I'm found), just to let people know where I am and that I am the only person to blame for my demise.

Do you mean they would be sent after you're dead but before somebody found you? That's kind of what I'm talking about but I definitely would suggest you rethink it if you mean sending them while there's a chance you'd still be alive. Absolutely everything I read says to make sure there's a decent time built in to make sure you're not found. I'm planning on at least 72hrs so that even if I'm comatose not dead I'll die from lack of water (which happens faster than lack of food)

 

[GeorgeJL]

Life insurance, but you'll have to wait two years for the suicide clause to expire.

Note

Painless method

 

[3dworldsucks]

none.


just make it look like an accident and not suicide.

 

[Willowkin]

Life insurance, but you'll have to wait two years for the suicide clause to expire.

Note

Painless method

Not sure where that info applies. I'm pretty sure I'd have heard if that had changed in the US...

But I DO know in 2003 CA decided my father's suicide was a pre-existing condition, something you can't plan ahead of time.

none.


just make it look like an accident and not suicide.

Do you know how hard that is to do successfully??? Even my chosen method, amitriptyline, is usually ruled cardiac arrest, anyone who is even remotely aware of someone being suicidal will suspect any kind of death

 

[MerrySkeleton]

I'm going to second the idea of making it look like an accident. Yeah that can be tough to accomplish and people who knew you were depressed will have their suspicions but you could still give it a shot. Here are some possibilities.
1. Hiking/Climbing accident. This one is pretty self explanatory, just find a challenging hike (like a 14er in the winter) that's already claimed other lives and "slip" once you get to cliff area.
2. Firearm cleaning accident. It would be the same thing as a standard firearm suicide, except you set out a pistol cleaning kit in front of you and use some older handgun that doesn't have a magazine disconnect safety. Plenty of people have accidentally shot themselves in the face because they didn't realize the gun they were messing around with still had one in the chamber.
3. Drug overdose. I understand that not everyone is connected to dealers but if you start with buying weed and make it clear that you have cash to spend if anyone has harder stuff then someone will eventually want to sell to you.

 

[Willowkin]

I'm going to second the idea of making it look like an accident. Yeah that can be tough to accomplish and people who knew you were depressed will have their suspicions but you could still give it a shot. Here are some possibilities.
1. Hiking/Climbing accident. This one is pretty self explanatory, just find a challenging hike (like a 14er in the winter) that's already claimed other lives and "slip" once you get to cliff area.
2. Firearm cleaning accident. It would be the same thing as a standard firearm suicide, except you set out a pistol cleaning kit in front of you and use some older handgun that doesn't have a magazine disconnect safety. Plenty of people have accidentally shot themselves in the face because they didn't realize the gun they were messing around with still had one in the chamber.
3. Drug overdose. I understand that not everyone is connected to dealers but if you start with buying weed and make it clear that you have cash to spend if anyone has harder stuff then someone will eventually want to sell to you.

1 & 3 yeah I can see how those might be easy to explain but will be very hard to pull off with any reliability, esp #1. My mother has been a dedicated hiker all my life and it is WAY hard to guarantee an immediate death. If you go somewhere not very popular and don't bring a cell, food or water that increases the chances you'd die from thirst or exposure to the elements. But yes esp in winter def best way to appear an accident so far mentioned
2...no way. It is only ruled that way if you're a vet or former police and even then it's understood that it was really suicide. My mom's former coworker's son died that way and she 100% knew what it was.
Plus all of those still have the issue of who will find you.
If nothing else, none of those options will spare your loved ones at all. If you post that that's your choice I won't post again suggesting you choose another method. But as the child of a parent who committed suicide I can personally testify that it was easier to know my dad was out of pain than having to wonder WHY he had to die. No asking God or being angry at (in your case) the drug dealer or gun manufacturer.
If your point really is to minimize the pain of your loved ones I really suggest a note, or better yet, a set of notes. One main one explaining what you did, why you did it etc, then individual ones to the people most important to you detailing the ways they HELPED your life. Yes, absolutely talk about the bad stuff that led you to this and make sure they know it's not them and that they could not have done anything more. But also try and talk about the relief of knowing you won't be in pain of any kind anymore. I'm basing this not just on my experience or the others' I've mentioned, but also spending most of my life (I'm 38) in some kind of psychiatric support program where I've heard all kind of death-related situations and emotions.
I really won't push if you don't find this helpful and please understand I am not at all saying you should not follow through through with your decision to end your life. But I believe this site is meant to help in more just methods and I am only saying my own response.

 

[Hadenuf]

There is no way to stop the heartbreak and devastation I know from my last attempt but I have let them down so much I only see it as punishment for me leaving this world even though I know what it will cause I am unable to stop myself trying again ,,