What people say after your death

[Install-Gentoo]

"he was a troubled person who couldn't handle the stress"
"It's so unfortunate that mental issues got to him in the end"
"It's so sad that we couldn't push him in the right direction"
Things I've heard at another funeral of a guy who committed suicide. Why don't you respect their decision? Why don't you open up to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, this was a rational choice made by a level-headed person who simply wanted out of life? Why do you have to act like "oh I could have fixed him" and be in complete denial after the fact?
It's just such phony annoying nonsense.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

All but 2 people i know dont know i have dysphoria, so most would wonder why i ended up CTBing.

Then again, i am invisible to most.

 

[whatevs]

"he was a troubled person who couldn't handle the stress"
"It's so unfortunate that mental issues got to him in the end"
"It's so sad that we couldn't push him in the right direction"
Things I've heard at another funeral of a guy who committed suicide. Why don't you respect their decision? Why don't you open up to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, this was a rational choice made by a level-headed person who simply wanted out of life? Why do you have to act like "oh I could have fixed him" and be in complete denial after the fact?
It's just such phony annoying nonsense.

Because they keep running away from the realization that life is not a wondrous gift. They need to keep the act until the end.

 

[clueless2dayor2morro]

I feel like all of these statements take the burden off of the people who could/should have helped, maybe to keep themselves from feeling too guilty and from wanting to truly understand the reasons why someone might want to stop existing. I know it doesn't help to ponder the "if they had X then maybe things wouldn't have happened the way that they did" but I also feel like people assume they're experiencing the same world (and its burdens and ugliness) with equal resources to deal with it in the same ways as the person who ctb. The reality is that the experience isn't shared exactly and the resources that are available are either not being distributed properly or the ones on offer look good "in the display window/as seen on tv" sense but the actual resources being offered aren't actually helpful.

That's not to say, people aren't responsible for us and our decisions but our decisions aren't conjured out of complete madness from nowhere. All of these statements, seem to me, to be a reductionist approach. A way for the ones who stay existing to further demonize the choice to ctb when there seems to be no other rational choice.

It does feel frustrating to hear people to continue to further disrespect the person by saying these kinds of statements and to further push those who want to ctb into an category that labels people who want to ctb as "those who are too irrational to have free choice".

Its not that they couldn't handle the stress, they handled it in a way you wouldn't want to see you or a person close to you handle it.
Mental issues may have "gotten to them in the end" but really its so much more than that (most of the time).
You couldn't push them in the "right direction" because really the "right direction" is really just to continue existing without question.

I've never personally had anyone ctb but I know too many people who don't understand and don't want to understand because their lives are going well enough that they don't want to derail the mindset keeping them carrying on. Any "messiness" in attempting to understand a person's decision would probably be too much for them to handle so it's easier to just chalk up the decision to ctb to madness and irrationality.

But I'm probably just projecting, u kno?

 

[Rocinante]

Good riddance

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that there are many non suicidal people who are in denial of the fact that wanting suicide is a perfectly rational response to not seeing existence as being worth enduring. They don't wish to accept that fact and it's something that they don't understand anyway. But I guess that it could never really matter what others say after we die as we simply won't be there at that point, whatever happens in this world could never be our concern.

 

[Wannagonow]

There will be two groups of people commenting on my successful suicide:

1) She was always so nice and funny. I never expected this.

2) She was always so sad. This isn't really a surprise.

The group that upsets me the most is the second. They are basically saying they were aware I was depressed, but chose to not be helpful or supportive to me.

 

[aloneinwinter]

"she never wanted our help"
Some people's idea of help is uh worse than harm and they don't want to hear it. They simply cannot empathize and most never tried to even understand.

 

[clueless2dayor2morro]

"she never wanted our help"
Some people's idea of help is uh worse than harm and they don't want to hear it. They simply cannot empathize and most never tried to even understand.

i know this isn't helpful to say this: but this statement is too fucking true. too many people just want to be right and get out of uncomfortable conversations and not be helpful. too many people just want to say: "u need to go to therapy!!!" when really they also "need therapy" or something because they do so much shit that's hurtful to others. it fucking sucks. they just want to not feel like they're the villains or feel guilty, when really everyone has played a part in someone's suicide in one way or another. they're all trying to protect themselves from being hurt but it still feels fucking shitty at the end of the day.

 

[peaches]

"he was a troubled person who couldn't handle the stress"
"It's so unfortunate that mental issues got to him in the end"
"It's so sad that we couldn't push him in the right direction"
Things I've heard at another funeral of a guy who committed suicide. Why don't you respect their decision? Why don't you open up to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, this was a rational choice made by a level-headed person who simply wanted out of life? Why do you have to act like "oh I could have fixed him" and be in complete denial after the fact?
It's just such phony annoying nonsense.

I say, I hope that the person found an absence of pain.

 

[theboy]

traditions

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

 

[Csmith8827]

He was a fun guy

 

[Trilucid]

Honestly, people around me are so bad, they will end up not saying anything I bet.
Best case scenario is they make an expression about it or a mimic.
Or just say Why...

 

[asterisk3]

"It was God's plan" - mother

Don't know about the rest. Random acquaintances would possibly be surprised and a bit sad too. Or not really, since I've been a shut-in for a long time and we all know how some people like me end up.

 

[Shivali]

Who died? Aaaahhh .... the elderly weird woman. She spoke with her dog all day long ...OK ! Nobody really knew her ...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

"who?" probably. Idc I plan to come back as a badass angel anyway.

 

[EternalOblivion]

Probably something along the lines of:

"I knew that something was wrong."
OR
"What a waste."

I don't think my departure would necessarily surprise anyone. Given my circumstances, I imagine the few who know me would even somewhat expect it.

 

[Ultracheese]

My parents would probably think "How dare he embarrass us and make us look bad by killing himself!"

 

[PleaseTakeMeAway]

There will just be more empty words.

 

[zeenatax]

What a sad thing to end this way but finally got rid of the obsession.

Or

Ahh...the way to go...

 

[Tiberius85]

Honestly, I don't care what will be said. None of my concern then, anyway. Gone is gone. Soon I will be forgotten. Soon those people who will say something about me after my death will be dead and forgotten too as well.

 

[disillusion]

My parents would probably think "How dare he embarrass us and make us look bad by killing himself!"

That was my mums exact words when i first attempted.. are you asian

 

[dw33ter]

That was my mums exact words when i first attempted

Parents, am I right?

Never attempted (SI too strong), but when my mother found out I wanted to kill myself, all she did was get upset, cry, and tell me that I need Jesus. Nothing about actual help for me, had to find help on my own.