@Simba
listen
the first, and most important, step when entering a situation is to listen. this means not to talk, especially when a tangental thought comes to mind. it's hard to do at first as it is a new skill to learn.
listening allows you to figure out the situation. you can determine whether the mood is serious or not, what topics are being discussed and which are off limits, and generally learn some stuff.
by listening, and not speaking, you can sit back and observe. for example, there are many times during holiday dinners where I'll just concentrate on eating the meal and listening to what my family has to say. most of it may not be too useful but you can figure people out. once you have that then you can adapt.
this also means not to correct someone unless it's a matter of, figurative, life and death. if someone is going to miss the exit off the highway, that's a good time to speak up. if someone says they went to mcdonalds and they actually went to burger king, that's not a great time to chime in. the message is more important than the medium. if the point of the speaker is not obscured by a minor error, don't worry about it.
also, don't try to be funny. you're not. at least, not yet. what you think is funny usually isn't and your jokes will backfire. I became quite humorous and it took time. it was a slog of saying the wrong things and changing things up when they weren't producing laughter. in the most extreme case I can recall, my joke insulted someone and his face completely changed. I said that I was okay with him decking me after noticing his reaction. he pretty much became jovial after. remember, that you may not be able to recover the situation.
as a general rule, use the "grandma test." the grandma test is a filter for posting on social media - if you wouldn't say it in front of your grandma, then don't post it. the same applies when speaking with people. if what you want to say fails the grandma test, it's best to let it remain unsaid.
learn body language
I never learned how to read body language. whether it's due to poor socialization or autism, I don't know. however, this is something you can learn. this is how I got my longest girlfriend. I looked up signs of attraction and I picked up on these.
the best place to start is looking for facial language. humans are very expressive. learn what someone looks like when happy, sad, etc. and you can tell the effect of your words or actions.
two of the best tells are the crows-feet smile and the eyebrow raise. the crows-feet smile is the smile when the muscles around the sides of the eyes crinkle (called crows feet when you get older). that's a genuine smile. when you receive one of those remember what you said and to whom you said it. chances are that the subject is important to the person and appreciates the positive attention brought to it. the eyebrow raise occurs when someone sees someone or something they like. if someone gives you an eyebrow raise when that person sees you, that's a great sign. people will also raise their eyebrows when speaking if they mention something they like. what's cool about this is that the eyebrow raise can betray someone's true intentions. if someone's eyebrow raises don't match what they're saying, take note. for example, if someone talks about how they aren't a gold digger but raise their eyebrows everytime they mention money, it's a pretty good bet that they are in it for financial gain.
pretty much, you just need to go to your favorite search engine and input "signs a woman is attracted to you" or "how to tell if someone is happy" or whatever combination gets you the search results you want. then, read the articles and note the signs that overlap between the articles. those will be the most common signs. others may not be as common and, while good to know, shouldn't be the ones you focus on.
as a note, sometimes these signs are masked. a good example is that when a woman wears makeup, there is a chance that the crows-feet smile will be obscured. the same is true when someone wears sunglasses or regular glasses.
build knowledge
your main objective is to build knowledge. learn which people like what, compile a list of signs to pay attention to and reactions to you. the more you practice and interact with people, the more you'll find out what works and what doesn't. this creates a functional base with which you can analyze situations. do so.
once you build enough knowledge, and you really don't need too much to start, you can then apply what you've learned to social situations.
then, you can find evidence to counteract the negative thoughts. I've had thoughts of "nobody likes me for who I am" or "I have no friends" completely obliterated because I had evidence to the contrary. the best part is that providing evidence kills those thoughts instantly. they don't last when you can prove otherwise. something that would have had me ruminating for hours was done in 30 minutes.
that feeling is your friend
whenever you get that feeling of unease after you say something or if you experience cognitive dissonance (kind of a confusion when two or more ideas contradict each other), pay attention! figure out why you had that feeling. see if the feeling was justified by the other person's reaction. if you can tell yourself, "okay, I'm feeling anxious because I said something and she didn't respond well. I'll make a note not to do that again." you can use make sense of the unease. that makes it easier to manage. the same thing is true for cognitive dissonance. for example, a woman asked if I had plans for New Years. that caused confusion because I didn't have a good response. I didn't plan on anything for New Years. when she mentioned it, it caused me cognitive dissonance. I looked back on it and found that I should try to make plans and, if I don't, say that I didn't make any instead of trying to figure something out on the fly.
you'll gain a lot of insight if you pay attention to those unpleasant feelings. and, you can figure out when someone else is causing you to feel unease rather than your own reaction. once you figure that out you remove a powerful tool from their arsenal. they can't make you feel bad if you know they're trying to hurt you. after practice, anyway.
take it slow
there's no need to rush. go at an easy pace. learning as you go is more important than going fast. go too fast and you can end up in situations you're not prepared for. if you can't roll with them you can find yourself in trouble. so, ease yourself into it. the reason I had so much explosive growth is from years of study. it also helps when someone directs your autism toward being social. take it slow, or as fast as you need to, and focus on what you can learn and accomplish. things build on top if each other. you may not even notice that you're doing things you never would have before.
ok. that was an interesting week. I overclocked my brain. I zoned out while zoned out. yeah, that was weird. then, it took 3 days to recover enough from mental fatigue to write this. I don't exactly know what I processed but, damn, that knocked me out.
