What one thing would you like to do, before CTB?

[CTB Fella]

Myself?

I'd like to torture a paedophile.

You?

 

[Darkover]

have a sexual relationship with someone since i;ve not had sex for 19 years

 

[CTB Fella]

have a sexual relationship with someone since i;ve not had sex for 19 years

It's been a while for me, too.

You could always treat yourself to a prostitute?

 

[RedHarlequin]

Interesting question!

For me I have never been a big fun of being in public, but for some reason I feel like I'd like to be around people as I die. Somewhere no one sees me and can't interfere, somewhere where I can get my peace at the last moments..
Ideally I imagine like a glas tent/ botanical house, with people walking around. Or like a cliff where I drink N on top of and observe ppl. Its not too realistic but somehow that would feel much bette.
I don't mean this to be a revenge or anything, and I would never one to give anyone the creeps.. like U fucked me up now watch me die. It's much more like me being deprived of social bounds for most of my life and wanting to at least die not feeling lonely, but also not judged.
Its not too realistic but somehow that would feel much better

It's been a while for me, too.

You could always treat yourself to a prostitute?

I get this. When I was preparing for ctb about 6 years ago the thing that made me uneasy was that I had never experienced romantic love. It made me cry so much.

 

[Darkover]

It's been a while for me, too.

You could always treat yourself to a prostitute?

i'd be lying if i said it hadn't crossed my mind but my moral compass is to good for that

 

[RedHarlequin]

Interesting question!

For me I have never been a big fun of being in public, but for some reason I feel like I'd like to be around people as I die. Somewhere no one sees me and can't interfere, somewhere where I can get my peace at the last moments..
Ideally I imagine like a glas tent/ botanical house, with people walking around. Or like a cliff where I drink N on top of and observe ppl. Its not too realistic but somehow that would feel much bette.
I don't mean this to be a revenge or anything, and I would never one to give anyone the creeps.. like U fucked me up now watch me die. It's much more like me being deprived of social bounds for most of my life and wanting to at least die not feeling lonely, but also not judged.
Its not too realistic but somehow that would feel much better

I get this. When I was preparing for ctb about 6 years ago the thing that made me uneasy was that I had never experienced romantic love. It made me cry so much.

It just came into my mind how when ppl in love marry, they like to make it into a social thing.. I never wanted to marry, but the idea has this quality.

 

[Jezzibell]

have a sexual relationship with someone since i;ve not had sex for 19 years

And me but I don't want to. Xxxx
To eat without having to purge

 

[CTB Fella]

Interesting question!

For me I have never been a big fun of being in public, but for some reason I feel like I'd like to be around people as I die. Somewhere no one sees me and can't interfere, somewhere where I can get my peace at the last moments..
Ideally I imagine like a glas tent/ botanical house, with people walking around. Or like a cliff where I drink N on top of and observe ppl. Its not too realistic but somehow that would feel much bette.
I don't mean this to be a revenge or anything, and I would never one to give anyone the creeps.. like U fucked me up now watch me die. It's much more like me being deprived of social bounds for most of my life and wanting to at least die not feeling lonely, but also not judged.
Its not too realistic but somehow that would feel much better

I get this. When I was preparing for ctb about 6 years ago the thing that made me uneasy was that I had never experienced romantic love. It made me cry so much.

I know what you mean.

All of my overdoses (apart from one) have been done alone. Overdosing is a very peaceful way to go, and it's a solitary action.

However, my second to last overdose was taken in a pub. Like you, I just wanted to be around people, to watch their predictable behaviour, whilst I did the unpredictable.

It was a juxtaposition that just made sense, at the time.

I've since been back to the pub to apologise, and the manager was pleased to learn that I was ok. In her own words … "we didn't think you was going to make it."

i'd be lying if i said it hadn't crossed my mind but my moral compass is to good for that

Heeeeey, I've been with a few prostitutes in my time!

And me but I don't want to. Xxxx
To eat without having to purge

I'd treat you to a meal at whatever place you wanted to eat at.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Interesting question!

For me I have never been a big fun of being in public, but for some reason I feel like I'd like to be around people as I die. Somewhere no one sees me and can't interfere, somewhere where I can get my peace at the last moments..
Ideally I imagine like a glas tent/ botanical house, with people walking around. Or like a cliff where I drink N on top of and observe ppl. Its not too realistic but somehow that would feel much bette.
I don't mean this to be a revenge or anything, and I would never one to give anyone the creeps.. like U fucked me up now watch me die. It's much more like me being deprived of social bounds for most of my life and wanting to at least die not feeling lonely, but also not judged.
Its not too realistic but somehow that would feel much better

I get this. When I was preparing for ctb about 6 years ago the thing that made me uneasy was that I had never experienced romantic love. It made me cry so much.

It just came into my mind how when ppl in love marry, they like to make it into a social thing.. I never wanted to marry, but the idea has this quality.

i'd be lying if i said it hadn't crossed my mind but my moral compass is to good for that

If you're hesitant BC you feel like you'd be pressing yourself onto an unwilling woman and traumatizing her, I'd say if you do a bit of research you can find independent escorts who charge a bit more but they're mostly doing it to pay for college/car/saving for their future. Most of them are at least somewhat enjoying what they do.. I mean, I'm a girl and I'd honestly rather do this (if I could choose the clients) then be stuck printing out report sheets at some lame ass office for dimes.
However, if you think that the experience could get somehow too emotional for you, I respect and get it!

 

[Valky]

Let's go castrate some rapists wohoooo

 

[RedHarlequin]

It just came into my mind how when ppl in love marry, they like to make it into a social thing.. I never wanted to marry, but the idea has this quality.

If you're hesitant BC you feel like you'd be pressing yourself onto an unwilling woman and traumatizing her, I'd say if you do a bit of research you can find independent escorts who charge a bit more but they're mostly doing it to pay for college/car/saving for their future. Most of them are at least somewhat enjoying what they do.. I mean, I'm a girl and I'd honestly rather do this (if I could choose the clients) then be stuck printing out report sheets at some lame ass office for dimes.
However, if you think that the experience could get somehow too emotional for you, I respect and get it!

And you know, there are so may guys going to nightclubs, finding girls who are looking for something serious and not ONS, liento them to get sex.. Or just trying to caht up girls who are not that interested in them and acting like fools or doing something much worse that can ruin the other person's life.. at least when hiring an escort you know she wants it..the reasons may vary but she does. Sometimes there's a barrier you have to cross in your head, and after that all doors surprisingly fall open.. or all legs :D

Let's go castrate some rapists wohoooo

I'd like that very much! I'm gonna go polish my knife now.

 

[GreenTree]

Hug all the people I love dearly. Say I'm sorry for being me.

 

[starlover]

Write a book.

Several books.

 

[StolenLife]

Finish Uni and fall in love.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd like to see a waterfall/ beautiful river and see the sea one last time. Really- all my wishes are nature- based. I'd like to see the Lake District again. (UK.)

 

[miu]

sleep. lots.

not because of escapism in particular, i just like being in a drowsy state LOL

 

[RedHarlequin]

I wrote a bucket list, there are 100 things on it. But that's only BC I'm feeling ok right now.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Travel somewhere, like maybe back to Japan or to South Korea.

Prob won't happen though since I'm jobless and broke.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Write and produce an animated short.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Travel somewhere, like maybe back to Japan or to South Korea.

Prob won't happen though since I'm jobless and broke.

For me it's Iceland and Antarctica. I love that endless sky, I often even have dreams with it

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I don't really "like" existing, it's certainly not for me in any way. I never relate to any of the posts on here when people go on about how they find existing to be desirable and is capable of being something enjoyable. I personally find simply just existing to be tiring, it's completely unappealing being conscious and aware, I could never wish to be trapped here as I see existing as a chore and a burden with the risk of experiencing much worse suffering being there at any moment.

 

[PreCambrianBliss]

DMT

 

[silent star]

A road trip with my mum and dad a long one.
I know it won't happen but it would be nice.

 

[RedHarlequin]

DMT

Yess!

DMT

Yess

In my case I don't really "like" existing, it's certainly not for me in any way. I never relate to any of the posts on here when people go on about how they find existing to be desirable and is capable of being something enjoyable. I personally find simply just existing to be tiring, it's completely unappealing being conscious and aware, I could never wish to be trapped here as I see existing as a chore and a burden with the risk of experiencing much worse suffering being there at any moment.

I can absolutely relate to this, as I'd been there.. for more than a year. This state of "ghost in machine" existence, feeling like there's a transparent wall between you & everybody else.. it was the most taxing and frankly creepy experiences of my life (creepy looking back at it). Just thinking that I had to experience this state make me tear up and feels so sorry for the smaller me and others who are in there.. nobody deserves it.

Youre probably fed up hearing advice, and tired.. I feel like I have to say this considering it was the case for me and I have experienced this situation by hundreds of others.. if you are taking any meds, I wholeheartedly advice you to revise them. Sometimes we don't even feel how this state creeps up. After getting rid of the medication, if this is your case as well, it took me 3 months to notice any difference, so it would take a couple of months to feel better.

I'm sorry if I'm annoying you with advice you never asked for. Excuse me.

 

[wiltingorchid]

To go on a short vacation with my boyfriend. We both don't like the heat, so we would probably go to iceland, sweden or russia.