Help What next?

[LittleJem]

Had 3 days off depression with magnesium
Last night contacted an old acquaintance who has ignored my message. He was my funniest acquaintance. I think he knows I'm mad and he's not replying (my divorce/suicidal thoughts has all been a bit too public this year)
Have been rescheduled/stood up/ignored 3 times this weekend
Realise that everything I think I can do might just be my madness
Depression comes back
Take Meth with my friend - for the first and last time tonight
Depression and suicidal thoughts still here

I have a meeting about work this week. But I am too ill to work. But it's my last chance.

Do I patch myself up with Tramadol?
Do I surrender and know I just can't go back to work?
When do I start testing another med? Options I have are:
MAOI:Moclobemide/Seleliline/Memantine
Low dose Lithium Carbonate
Zoloft or Prozac

I feel so panicked by the depression returning again and nothing I can do. I don't know what to try next and tired of fighting

 

[exhausted]

No idea, I am not a doctor, but you are right to never do meth again. It's still in your system if you took it tonight, so bear that in mind.

 

[LittleJem]

Thanks for replying

Yep. It was an interesting experience, but I actually would rather be sober. And I'd rather CTB than be addicted to meth. I also don't like it enough to do it again.

I don't think any doctor would know the answer. I think I have to stop fooling myself that any supplement will help, and I have to try heavier meds again.

I might need to accept I can't return to work.

Or just do Tramadol a few times a week?

I just don't know.

 

[exhausted]

Thanks for replying

Yep. It was an interesting experience, but I actually would rather be sober. And I'd rather CTB than be addicted to meth. I also don't like it enough to do it again.

I don't think any doctor would know the answer. I think I have to stop fooling myself that any supplement will help, and I have to try heavier meds again.

I might need to accept I can't return to work.

Or just do Tramadol a few times a week?

I just don't know.

If you can't return to work, that's ok. I think it is best to consult a doctor though. Also Tramadol is addictive too, isn't it? Addiction scares me!! There's all sorts of things that can turn out to be the cause of low mood, I was reading on this site that HRT helped them as they had low testosterone. I wouldn't give up hope yet, you could find the right med or support system.

Weirdly, I have a meeting about work on Thursday. Why is it you can't work? The depression?

 

[LittleJem]

Yes, the depression. Bedridden for months. I hate it so much

 

[exhausted]

Yes, the depression. Bedridden for months. I hate it so much

I have been signed off for 3 months now, dreading going back. Had an interview last week and got rejected on Monday. Yay. So I get it, it's such a grind. Will you be alright without working? Silly question, I know, but I mean financially. I have had a lot of worries around that area.

 

[LittleJem]

Doctors very expensive and you are their guinea pig. I like to be a guinea pig with a bit of choice. Terrifying though.

Tramadol can be helpful for treatment resistant depression. I don't really like being on it, but I am happier on it than off it. Those who use it for depression keep it low dose 50 mg
I'm worried too. I have some divorce money so am cushioned and living with family. I just don't want to live with this depression. Been so many years so miserable. Then I get a few days off, then it comes back

 

[exhausted]

Doctors very expensive and you are their guinea pig. I like to be a guinea pig with a bit of choice. Terrifying though.

Tramadol can be helpful for treatment resistant depression. I don't really like being on it, but I am happier on it than off it. Those who use it for depression keep it low dose 50 mg
I'm worried too. I have some divorce money so am cushioned and living with family. I just don't want to live with this depression. Been so many years so miserable. Then I get a few days off, then it comes back

Fair enough, so sad that they are expensive. If Tramadol helps, it helps. But stay safe! I have self-medicated with some bits and bobs as well, needs must in a time of crisis. We do the best we can.

I'm worried too. I have some divorce money so am cushioned and living with family. I just don't want to live with this depression. Been so many years so miserable. Then I get a few days off, then it comes back

Well, at least there's a little money for you. It sucks to not shake the depression, it's so heavy