What negative traits does a person abused as a child develop by adulthood?

[V0latile]

I was abused as a child and by others later on in various ways. I'm wondering which of my many negative traits are a result of abuse as opposed to traits developed due to my own character flaws.

For example, i'm almost entirety self absorbed, don't love anyone but I do care about my parents who adopted me, mean-spirited but kind (I attribute the latter to vulnerability and wanting to not be fucked over), very little empathy or sympathy except for people who have suffered like me, cold, vengeful. That's all I can think of at the moment.

I'm really tired of being treated like some devil for having developed many bad traits because of what happened in my early years when my brain was still growing. It's a big factor in why I want to die. The average person can't understand or is entirely unwilling.

 

[c824767]

Us people who were abused as children, hate the world and find negativity. The world right now needs to be criticized and changed, so we should have our time in the sun. Be negative ! Optimism is already dead in the presence of a global climate catastrophe and a degradation of interpersonal relationships to the point of rape culture.

 

[V0latile]

its infuriating when normals tell us that we can be whole. They live in a stupid fantasy world. I explained it once to someone like this, "People abused as children were born with a cracked, abysmal foundation. It doesn't matter if the rest of the house is built well because the foundation is everything. You can't fix the house without fixing the foundation, but to fix the foundation you have to destroy the house. But there's no reason to fix the house at that point. We are that house."

 

[Hexen]

I think hate, need for revenge, self destruction and that kind of stuff. And that can be true for anyone regardless of age. Like those shooters you see on tv, most of them were shaped by years of some kind of abuse.

 

[mouseteeth]

its infuriating when normals tell us that we can be whole. They live in a stupid fantasy world. I explained it once to someone like this, "People abused as children were born with a cracked, abysmal foundation. It doesn't matter if the rest of the house is built well because the foundation is everything. You can't fix the house without fixing the foundation, but to fix the foundation you have to destroy the house. But there's no reason to fix the house at that point. We are that house."

Well-put.
In myself I am definitely overly aggressive a lot- but it's passive-aggression. I truly despise this characteristic and try to stay aware of my behavior enough to stop acting out in that way but it's ingrained in me.
I am also paranoid and extremely private. I practically refuse to let anyone know anything about me due to being belittled, ridiculed and constantly shut down for anything and everything I'd say or do by my own family. My parents were always just extremely negative, miserable people and my siblings bullied me relentlessly. My social skills and relationships are nonexistent because of this, and always have been.

 

[V0latile]

Well-put.
In myself I am definitely overly aggressive a lot- but it's passive-aggression. I truly despise this characteristic and try to stay aware of my behavior enough to stop acting out in that way but it's ingrained in me.
I am also paranoid and extremely private. I practically refuse to let anyone know anything about me due to being belittled, ridiculed and constantly shut down for anything and everything I'd say or do by my own family. My parents were always just extremely negative, miserable people and my siblings bullied me relentlessly. My social skills and relationships are nonexistent because of this, and always have been.

I have avoidant personality disorder. You may have it too.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I'd say crippling anxiety and paranoia, depression and lack of self confidence. Also tendency to isolate and coldness towards new people.

 

[V0latile]

I'd say crippling anxiety and paranoia, depression and lack of self confidence. Also tendency to isolate and coldness towards new people.

I have all of that

 

[Final Escape]

You grow up to be insecure and assume most people are not to be trusted, you don't develop healthy relationships, you might have difficulty attaching to healthy people because that was not your normal and they can trigger uncomfortable feelings. You form beliefs about the world and people that are not accurate. This leads to making decisions or not making decisions that can really destroy your life. Not making decisions is still making a decision. I went through life thinking that bad things just happen to me and that I don't have much agency or ability to control my outcome much. Learned helplessness is often an issue I think. You have trouble with creating boundaries, and effective communication, resolving conflict without destroying relationships.

 

[V0latile]

You grow up to be insecure and assume most people are not to be trusted, you don't develop healthy relationships, you might have difficulty attaching to healthy people because that was not your normal and they can trigger uncomfortable feelings. You form beliefs about the world and people that are not accurate. This leads to making decisions or not making decisions that can really destroy your life. Not making decisions is still making a decision. I went through life thinking that bad things just happen to me and that I don't have much agency or ability to control my outcome much. Learned helplessness is often an issue I think. You have trouble with creating boundaries, and effective communication, resolving conflict without destroying relationships.

Whoa. It's interesting that when I have an argument with someone, the relationship is destroyed. I don't understand how others makeup after arguments. "Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Yes, you did and so did I.

Can any counseling help us? I tried it for over 20 yrs and it did jack shit.

 

[UninformedLover]

I was abused as a child by my mother for a long time.. All the way up to now. The abuse has since manifested solely into emotional abuse but it's still abuse nonetheless. Anyway.. Children who face abuse can develop depression, anxiety and uncontrollable anger issues. Also low self esteem and trust issues - whether it be them finding it hard to trust someone or trusting people too much and becoming a people's pleaser. Ptsd as well. They also try to look for a parental figure in other people and can/will become clingy.

I have/do all these things & am speaking from first hand experience.

People reading this please don't hit your kids - no good will ever come from it.

 

[V0latile]

I'm a fucking 45 year old grown-ass man and I still believe my default purpose in life is to seek out abusers and be like a sponge to soak up their abuse.

I have been so fucked up in the head by the abuse and maltreatment I experienced as a child that I believe that abusers have the right to abuse me.

I feel tremendous guilt and shame when I take steps to extricate myself from harmful situations.

And this is after decades of therapy.

You seek out others? My abuse has made me a recluse. I don't let others get beyond the acquaintance stage with me.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

It can make you suicidal, it can make you be more aggressive, not be able to trust people even friends, depressed, make you think you're unworthy as a person, doubt the people in your life as well as the world, and believe it or not your own body remembers the abuse even if your mind tries to avoid or suppress it.

 

[Final Escape]

Whoa. It's interesting that when I have an argument with someone, the relationship is destroyed. I don't understand how others makeup after arguments. "Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Yes, you did and so did I.

Can any counseling help us? I tried it for over 20 yrs and it did jack shit.

I would say that for people who cannot afford counseling and therapy that the best thing u can do is read books on this. Like a friend suggested to me the book: how to win friends and influence people. Basically many of us are not succeeding because we never learned how to get what we want from other people in appropriate ways. If u ever want to be successful u must learn how to be better socially, and it is not taught in schools, often not by parents. So if u can afford a little money on some books off amazon, often they have used which is cheaper. Or go to the library. You will get more education than in gov school or college. They don't even teach u social skills in college lol! Don't beat yourself up if u suck socially, it is a skill u learn that most people are not naturally born with it takes practice. For some people it might come more naturally because of personality type or if they were socialized well from early on but not all of us were.