What makes you forget about CTB, and what makes you want to CTB?

[amor.dor]

When I remember my younger brother,I carried that boy in my arms when he was little, and even today I still see him as that small child. When I see him trying to improve his life and how much he looks up to me, it really squeezes my heart.
I tend to hold back my desire to CTB. But when I think about all the problems — and the fact that no matter how many I solve, the only definitive place I'm going to end up is death — whether life is good or bad, I tend to look at my poison for a few minutes and just think.
I'd like to know: what reasons still make you want to live, and what makes you want to die?

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Good convos I can to trap my mind into, being with my cousin and sis or listening to music and memes I like. Though that might nt be enough soon since I am starting to hate myself to the point of just wanting to implode. (Really sweet how you are still taking care of your brother even though he has a probably rough life btw.)