What lessons does suffering teach a person?

[Ambivalent1]

Humility and resilience are two I can think of.

 

[Pluto]

This is a wise point. People who have experienced suffering can develop depth, compassion and appreciation of beauty.

However, if it goes too far, suffering can also destroy people by sending them towards addiction, self-destruction or living out their days as a Dark Triad (i.e. endlessly preying on others without feeling empathy).

Some amount of suffering is normal, especially considering how much of early childhood is spent in tears. Then come the challenges of later life that can make or break. Being relatively sheltered bypasses both the opportunities and the dangers that trauma can present. It seems desirable but maybe it isn't.

I think that people on this site have a depth, a gentleness and a raw authenticity that leaves me with strong but mixed feelings. I find people in this state so tender and lovable, yet I wish that I could have been there to protect them from suffering in the first place, or at least to have a silver bullet solution to take away all their pain now. It's the textbook definition of bittersweet.

 

[treasurehunt]

That'd you be granted by small happiness for being able to get through it, before you have to experience an even greater suffering. lol.

 

[deathLiberation]

Suffering teaches nothing.
"Happiness" only exist so people can validate the absence of suffering.

People are never happy, they are only not suffering for a moment.

Suffering is the base of existence and it is not needed. But some people convinced others that its necessary so people can cope with the fact this shitshow is nothing else but a perpetual state of suffering. People just do ANYTHING they can to avoid it.

 

[Death is my goal]

teached me how fucked up the world and people are

 

[symphony]

Patience
Courage
Compassion
Resilience

 

[Celerity]

Unless it is truly needless, random suffering, I think suffering can often shed a light on bad priorities and motivations. Ambition nearly killed me, and it was not until several years later that I understood that my failures were not actually the central problem. I can see so clearly now how foolish it was to place my ego over my wellbeing and very survival, but my priorities were so warped by childhood trauma that I was blinded. It did not help that ambition is so widely praised. The dark side of it really deserves much more discussion. I know I am far from alone in my experience.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Empathy for others who are suffering.

Confidence- It can surprise you sometimes that certain situations were worse in your head than they are in real life. Depends on the situation of course but encountering some difficulties in life can give you confidence that you can cope with things you didn't think you'd be able to handle. I guess that's similar to resilience in a way. Still- it can highlight the difference between ACTUAL suffering and worrying about future imagined suffering. Sometimes our imaginings are worse than the real thing- yet- they still create suffering in us in the form of worry/ stress. REAL suffering might teach us to try to worry less. Or- to not worry about things that are comparitively insignificant.

Sometimes enduring some suffering can make you grateful for when that period ends.

Suffering primarily works the same as pain though I suppose. It alerts us that something in our life is wrong. So- primarily, it can be used as a motivator to change. It's just whether we CAN change the thing that creates our suffering I suppose.

 

[dreambound]

Suffering teaches nothing.
"Happiness" only exist so people can validate the absence of suffering.

People are never happy, they are only not suffering for a moment.

Suffering is the base of existence and it is not needed. But some people convinced others that its necessary so people can cope with the fact this shitshow is nothing else but a perpetual state of suffering. People just do ANYTHING they can to avoid it.

i find myself agreeing with this.....the suffering is so disproportionate to any happiness or well-being for so many.
....& the array of ingenius escapist ideas give creedence to how desperate we need to distance ourselves from reality.

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

That suffering almost never goes away....

 

[olearius]

Anything that can be taught by suffering, can be taught without suffering. Suffering is unnecessary. No one deserves to suffer or needs it to learn some silly lesson.

Do people respond to suffering with developed compassion, resilience, and empathy? Yes. Absolutely.

 

[sserafim]

This is a wise point. People who have experienced suffering can develop depth, compassion and appreciation of beauty.

However, if it goes too far, suffering can also destroy people by sending them towards addiction, self-destruction or living out their days as a Dark Triad (i.e. endlessly preying on others without feeling empathy).

Some amount of suffering is normal, especially considering how much of early childhood is spent in tears. Then come the challenges of later life that can make or break. Being relatively sheltered bypasses both the opportunities and the dangers that trauma can present. It seems desirable but maybe it isn't.

I think that people on this site have a depth, a gentleness and a raw authenticity that leaves me with strong but mixed feelings. I find people in this state so tender and lovable, yet I wish that I could have been there to protect them from suffering in the first place, or at least to have a silver bullet solution to take away all their pain now. It's the textbook definition of bittersweet.

How does one become a Dark Triad?

 

[Rhizomorph1]

That you can learn and understand suffering without embodied experience of it. You don't need to traumatize yourself to help and empathize with others.

That chronic illness is debilitating.

Source: I overextended my empathy into people pleasing and I was abused as a result.

That patience, emptiness, stillness of mind, a tolerance for uncertainty, and emotional regulation are great virtues not to be taken for granted.

That consistent safety in ones own self is so incredibly valuable and – at a very core personal level – is quite rare.

 

[Ovid]

It teaches you how to deal with suffering, which is a given. It also teaches you how to help others with their suffering.

 

[astonishedturnip]

In an ideal world, it creates resiliency (I got through X so I can survive Y) and it cultivates compassion for others who might be suffering.

In reality, most people are unprepared for suffering. There's no innate guidebook to get through it, so they flounder and get hit with PTSD or other traumatic consequences unless they have a pristine support system or the fortitude of a saint. Moreover, not all suffering can even be "teachable" in an abstract way. What does the suffering from SA or child abuse "teach" anyone? They're unnatural, evil, can rewire your whole brain. Quite different than a harsh life lesson of "a fool and his money are soon parted" or a bad breakup. So the platitude can only ring hollow for those who didn't get that "teachable" suffering.

And unfortunately some people just become bitter, self-centered, and unsympathetic from their suffering, and instead of helping others who are in pain, they either just huddle in the corner and complain about how hard their lives are, or they ignore it because they're too focused on their own pain. Or they take it out on others and make the world worse.

But there are some gold-hearted people who learn that life goes on no matter what tragedy befalls you, and simple pleasures are the most important, and the value of love and companionship over meaningless ambition or pride, and we're all going through the same washing machine of life... and they strive to make others feel comfortable and respected. They're worth millions.

 

[Pluto]

How does one become a Dark Triad?

It generally seems a mixture of genetics and upbringing. Most of the worst ones I know of had significant childhood trauma.

Dark triad | Definition, Traits, Personality, & Causes | Britannica

Dark triad, cluster of three negative personality traits—Machiavellianism and subclinical (nonpathological) narcissism and psychopathy—that share certain features, including emotional coldness, duplicity, and aggressiveness. The term was coined in 2002 by the Canadian psychologists Delroy Paulhus

www.britannica.com

 

[sserafim]

It generally seems a mixture of genetics and upbringing. Most of the worst ones I know of had significant childhood trauma.

Dark triad | Definition, Traits, Personality, & Causes | Britannica

Dark triad, cluster of three negative personality traits—Machiavellianism and subclinical (nonpathological) narcissism and psychopathy—that share certain features, including emotional coldness, duplicity, and aggressiveness. The term was coined in 2002 by the Canadian psychologists Delroy Paulhus

www.britannica.com

What genes and what kind of childhood trauma?

 

[Pluto]

I don't know. Maybe even the experts might struggle to accurately predict it. Even within families there can end up a mixture of DTs and empaths!

I can say that Nfather grew up in a boarding school in the '40s and '50s in a 3rd world country. He rarely if ever spoke about it but it sounded indescribably horrible. He also had a mother who tried to overcompensate for that abandonment by spoiling him when he was able to come home, making him the entitled prince. And we do have some questionable genetics in the family generally. The perfect storm.