Those days where there's deep sadness lurking within you, but that same feeling is what makes you feel warm.
I find myself sitting alone somewhere, thinking about the worst kind of things I can ever think of. Thinking about those bad things, then thinking about death, usually flip-flopping between those two. Sometimes, when it comes down to moments like those...instead of bearing a heavy frown or a blank face, I just smile. It makes me feel warm inside. It's not thinking about the tragedies & the death as components to feeling that way, it's just one of those moments where you feel so sad, you feel happy. Not gleefully happy, joyful or whatever, just a slight smile paired up with a thousand-yard stare. That fuzzy feeling you get in your heart. It's weird. Depression can be your biggest enemy, and the toughest war you can ever fight, but sometimes, those eye-of-the-storm moments just string along. You feel human. You realize you feel like..."you". What you're feeling is real, and you're accepting it. Finding solace in it.
I usually take advantage of those moments to feel better about things, like using that as a source of comedy. "Why am I happy about being sad, that's strange" and I just start laughing about that. It helps brighten the rest of my day up, by pushing those bad thoughts away and dismiss them as silly, no matter how severe & grim.