I should preface this with the fact that I have terminal stage 4 cancer. I had all of my treatments that I needed in the US, Chemo and everything else and I was in the wait and see what happens now phase of my treatment so I took this opportunity to do a little traveling. I went to see my Friends in the Philippines that I had met when they worked in the US. I was there for about a month when my health both physically and mentally were starting to decline. I needed a couple weeks in order to get a reasonably priced flight back to the US as last minute especially right around Thanksgiving is crazy. During that 2 week period I basically had a nervous breakdown and was online with my family in the US(12 hour Difference) and My friend in Scotland(4 hour difference) so I was pretty well covered with support. This friend of mine is Scotland would stay online with me for hours and talk and comfort mem we have been the best of friends for over 15 years and I considered her one of my dearest friends. She suggested that I go to Scotland for the Holidays before returning to the US as it would be my last chance. I was a mess online, crying, and telling her how scared I was of my own mortality, and basically how messed up my mind was, I was pacing for hours as I talked to her online, she stuck by me the whole time. I often told her that all I needed was a hug(as I think many of us can relate to) she said if I just got there I could have all I needed and she wanted me to sleep in her bed, we are in our 50's and I couldn't get it up with 50 viagras(Damn Prostate cancer) we are strictly platonic friends but very close. so I get there to the Philippines and we have a wonderful reunion. I had visited many times over the years. inexplicably after about 2 days she became completely indifferent to me. I let it go for a day thinking she was in a mood or something. I finally asked her what was wrong and she went off on me, telling me I'm so needy and clingy. that I was always hugging her during the day and "Groping Her" at night. this groping amounted to putting a comforting arm around her, which I thought was as comforting to her as to me. So now I am stuck here for 3 more weeks, I could head home to the US but once again it is Christmas time and what will be a $1000 flight in January is $4000 at the moment if I want to leave sooner. I have no idea what happened, I know this is one side of the story but I swear there is no other side, I came here, acted better if anything than I had been in the Philippines. basically slept the first 2 days after a 30 hour flight. The strange thing is that she doesn't only not care for me but truly seems to like seeing me suffer. I would NEVER have thought she could do this. so I'm miserable, completely alone even when she is here. To do this to someone that you considered your best friend and is literally dying is beyond confusing. I will talk to her one more time and if it isn't better I'm heading to the local pub which has rooms for rent, just like the hobbit...LOL (gotta love Scotland) and I'll enjoy the holidays with happy strangers rather than this version of my dearest friend. ANY thoughts? Bi Polar, Manic, Just fucking crazy? when I wasn't here we talked for hours every day now I'm here and she hasn't said 10 words to me today. Well that is my rant !!!
Some people are unpredictabal and turn on you suddenly without apparent reason, it's tough to deal with and rare that it can be fixed. I hope that you can navigate this somehow and find some peace. I hope you can find some way to reconcile with her even though it seems unlikely. You really did nothing wrong and I hope this can be at least lartly fixed somehow but it's a long shot. Best of luck, and I'm sorry that this happened to you.
I've seen similar scenarios play out a couple of times and I have no explanation. I can usually muster up some half-baked theory, but not in these situations.
I don't understand how a seemingly close friend can turn on you when you're most vulnerable.
Just know that it's not you.
Most of us can't count on anyone but ourselves in this life.
I don't understand how a seemingly close friend can turn on you when you're most vulnerable.
Just know that it's not you.
Most of us can't count on anyone but ourselves in this life.
Angst Filled Fuck Up
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2,923
Normally I'd say keep your distance for a while but with stage IV and her being such a longtime friend, I'm not sure what to suggest. It's possible the lines got a little blurry for her - maybe she developed feelings and is afraid of losing you. Or maybe the overall toll of your illness and friendship has become a little much. Who can really say? Either way, I hope you can reconcile.
Hi!
1st off, my heart broke into small pieces for you reading your post. I am so very deeply sorry for how your "friend" is not only misbehaving but being just downright callous and cold.
2nd) I have experienced your situation somewhat myself, as back in March 2014, I was diagnosed with Gall Bladder cancer I mention this because from time to time I would go out on a weekend morning for breakfast with a person. He was always friendly and easy going and when I told him about my cancer situation, it was like a light switch. He became snappy and downright mean, and I was at a loss of why.
Finally, he mentioned, a few times after I told him about my situation, that his dad died of gall bladder cancer. 2nd, having gone through that experience with his dad made him incredibility anxious for himself about all the different aliments that one could get.
After we talked through it a lot he somewhat calmed down, but he was always on edge, at least a little.
Now, of course there can be a million different reasons why your friend turned on you, but I just wanted to give you my experience as food for thought.
I will say a prayer for you tonight when I lay my head on my pillow and also sending you lot and lots of hugs, love, care and the knowledge that you are a loving and caring soul.
Walter
1st off, my heart broke into small pieces for you reading your post. I am so very deeply sorry for how your "friend" is not only misbehaving but being just downright callous and cold.
2nd) I have experienced your situation somewhat myself, as back in March 2014, I was diagnosed with Gall Bladder cancer I mention this because from time to time I would go out on a weekend morning for breakfast with a person. He was always friendly and easy going and when I told him about my cancer situation, it was like a light switch. He became snappy and downright mean, and I was at a loss of why.
Finally, he mentioned, a few times after I told him about my situation, that his dad died of gall bladder cancer. 2nd, having gone through that experience with his dad made him incredibility anxious for himself about all the different aliments that one could get.
After we talked through it a lot he somewhat calmed down, but he was always on edge, at least a little.
Now, of course there can be a million different reasons why your friend turned on you, but I just wanted to give you my experience as food for thought.
I will say a prayer for you tonight when I lay my head on my pillow and also sending you lot and lots of hugs, love, care and the knowledge that you are a loving and caring soul.
Walter
TY, fortunately this situation is far from my biggest problem....you would think she would cherish this opportunity. The funny thing is I KNOW she will go back to the way she was when I go home to America, I think she likes the more virtual relationship...
TY, the funny thing is she is the person I would have turned to in a situation like this....
I suppose you have asked her is there is a way to get the friendship to be better, more like it used to be. If she doesn't want to talk about it all you can do is try- some people can be vey moody and change very quickly like this.
yes, I have no doubt that once I leave for America she will regret her actions and apologize, but that isn't helping right now...I could and should be with my family in America, I came here for her as much as myself
Yes, it's tough, I wish there was a way to get her back on track. I hope some way to get through will work.
I actually feel bad for her....I can't imagine that she won't regret not enjoying what will likely be the last time I can ever see her, but on the other hand maybe she really doesn't give a shit and won't care when I go, which might be better.
I wish I could explain just how close we are when we talk on Messenger, like soul mates that nothing could come between....so this is absolutely baffling...oh well, unfortunately I can't let this bother me too much when I consider what else is going on in my life. But I can tell you this, no matter her reasons, I will never forgive her for this and I suspect she won't be able to forgive herself.
yes, it is hard when you see a final opportunity being wasted...but the rest of her family came over and I'm very close to them as well so everything is fine right now...they are ecstatic to see me
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