athousandsorrows
Member
- Jul 5, 2018
- 70
So, most of us here have decided to end our lives, or are seriously thinking about it, but we're still here posting, messaging. What is it that keeps you going? For me, stupid and irrational as it may sound, it's my pets. I have a cat and a dog. The cat I haven't really seen for the last 6 months since I was forced to move with my parents and the apartment where I was staying went to my brother, who is now taking care of the cat, although I buy the food, sand for his litter box, and anything else he might need. The dog is staying with me, thankfully, and she's the love of my life.
When I'm seriously thinking tonight's the night, or next week, or whatever but I'm sure I want it to be over ASAP, my animals come to mind. I think about my dog being the one that finds me and like in so many dog movies and stories, she's so distraught she decided not to eat or stays sad and depressed forever because of my death, unhappy. And stupid as it may sound I can't bear to hurt her like that.
My cat is old and he's been with me for 13 years now. He's a black, stray cat and I think (and maybe I'm wrong) that nobody will want him because of this, and it breaks my heart to think of him living his last years out on the street, alone and wondering why I abandoned him.
My dog is NOTHING like me. She's always, and I do mean ALWAYS in a good mood. I honestly have no idea why. I thought dogs are supposed to follow after their owners, and I've had her ever since she was the smallest puppy, no more than a week old. She sees me crying every morning and comes running to lick my tears, or just spoons me (yes, she spoons me) in what I feel to be a true act of love on her part. Despite me being in a black mood all the time, she's never phased by it. I wish I were more like her, truly.
Ironically, I gave myself the one obstacle for killing myself. If I'd never adopted the cat and the puppy, I'd be completely free to leave. What keeps you guys going so far?
When I'm seriously thinking tonight's the night, or next week, or whatever but I'm sure I want it to be over ASAP, my animals come to mind. I think about my dog being the one that finds me and like in so many dog movies and stories, she's so distraught she decided not to eat or stays sad and depressed forever because of my death, unhappy. And stupid as it may sound I can't bear to hurt her like that.
My cat is old and he's been with me for 13 years now. He's a black, stray cat and I think (and maybe I'm wrong) that nobody will want him because of this, and it breaks my heart to think of him living his last years out on the street, alone and wondering why I abandoned him.
My dog is NOTHING like me. She's always, and I do mean ALWAYS in a good mood. I honestly have no idea why. I thought dogs are supposed to follow after their owners, and I've had her ever since she was the smallest puppy, no more than a week old. She sees me crying every morning and comes running to lick my tears, or just spoons me (yes, she spoons me) in what I feel to be a true act of love on her part. Despite me being in a black mood all the time, she's never phased by it. I wish I were more like her, truly.
Ironically, I gave myself the one obstacle for killing myself. If I'd never adopted the cat and the puppy, I'd be completely free to leave. What keeps you guys going so far?