throwaway123
Hell0
- Aug 5, 2018
- 1,446
lastsummer
Member
- Jul 28, 2018
- 56
Still have some responsibility for family. Cant wait for the day to set me free, maybe a year or two.
ge0rge
the satanic mechanic
- Jul 29, 2018
- 647
I want to do in in winter.
It's stupid but for some reason doing it in winter feels right. I'm probably just lying to myself to justify procrastinating but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's stupid but for some reason doing it in winter feels right. I'm probably just lying to myself to justify procrastinating but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Since I've got nothing to lose I'm just running down my savings (not to zero though, want to keep a buffer) since they won't do me any good in death.
The hope that things might get better. I just got in touch with a specialist who might be able to fix my physical health problems at least. And mental problems come and go.
Family simple as it's hatd so fucking hard plus the actual fear of dying I don't believe anyone who says they have no fear of dying into the unknown although I believe it's back to pre born times
Imagine a heaven with no gadgets (admit it your all using smartphones now) no cars no nightclubs no booze just sitting on an overpopulated cloud twiddling thumbs everyday
Imagine a heaven with no gadgets (admit it your all using smartphones now) no cars no nightclubs no booze just sitting on an overpopulated cloud twiddling thumbs everyday
BlackDragonof1989
Mage
- Jul 12, 2018
- 526
Mostly a fear of what might be on the other side, however irrational it may be, and the fear of the actual process of dying. I also suppose I fear hurting a few people, I am not close to my family but still, they're basically kind people, and I have someone who I believe loves me very much, though I am rather numb from a lot of failed relationships/PTSD, albeit mostly online since 2005. Not really a true recluse or hikkikomori or anything committed or pure, just an emotional drifter and stubborn SOB lol. At other times, I know some people I hurt and was bad too, due to my emotional instability, and at times I think it is my destiny or fate to die for them, as more than one person has wished I would die/suicide after some things I said/did to them, so I don't know.
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that_guy2611
Student
- Mar 17, 2018
- 187
I'm too much of a pussy but i'm working on it 
I'll admit I have that fear too as well as guilt.
Nope on a PC ^_^
I suspect my primary reason is just being scared. Not knowing what means to attempt it.
The other part of it is utterly, UTTERLY ridiculous. I don't have any family worth speaking of. And no friends. I haven't actually *seen* anyone since February last year. I think what's stopping is that I work freelance - I have various clients who have employed me to do stuff (I'm not mentioning the line of work). And stupidly, I'm worried about the hassle they'll face. I mean, I know I could close all their client accounts and leave them to it, but that would be an obvious clue. And if I then don't CTB, I'll be utterly broke.
So yeah. That's part of my reasoning. I'm a fool.
The other part of it is utterly, UTTERLY ridiculous. I don't have any family worth speaking of. And no friends. I haven't actually *seen* anyone since February last year. I think what's stopping is that I work freelance - I have various clients who have employed me to do stuff (I'm not mentioning the line of work). And stupidly, I'm worried about the hassle they'll face. I mean, I know I could close all their client accounts and leave them to it, but that would be an obvious clue. And if I then don't CTB, I'll be utterly broke.
So yeah. That's part of my reasoning. I'm a fool.
wanttodie
Enlightened
- Apr 19, 2018
- 1,802
reason is just being scared it wont work id not die need to die when i trey and end my life
Never underestimate the survival instinct.
I too am in pain from a doctor messing up. What do you think your new doctor is likely to do?
Family. But a change in circumstances might push me into killing myself. We will see...
BaconCheeseburger
Comfort-eating
- Aug 4, 2018
- 693
Family. They have so much shit going on for them as it is, me dying would just add to their list (so... by reducing their list of problems I'm growing my own). If they weren't here to feel bad about it, I'd be long gone.
Excise the mesh, prepare and possibly disect the affected nerves and suture it up. He's an internationally renowned specialist. The only problem is that I don't know whether my insurance will cover the treatment yet, but I could probably afford it anyway, depending on how much he charges.
This is why I wish the entire focus in the medical industry was on regenerative medicine and tissue engineering. If the fda wasn't so crooked and more money was put into research, we could speed up the process and start actually repairing people instead of masking symptoms. I'm so tired of the fact that we have phones capable of reading our minds and weapons capable of destroying the entire planet but we can't simply repair human tissue. Good god.
MortDeVivre
"If a battle cannot be won, do not fight it."
- May 31, 2018
- 140
I don't know, it's just not a really fun thing to get excited about. I have this fear that when I die somehow I'll be able to observe the aftermath and then possibly feel worse. I've noticed it might be best to try to kill yourself when ure in the mood. Even though I'm completely aware of how fucked I might be it's like I'm on a ledge with my fingers barely hanging on as the rest of my body is dangling over the edge. I'm just stuck there, that's what I feel like right now lol! I'm going to attempt to snap out of it by going for a walk.
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Yeah it's quite absurd.
You don't realize how shitty medicine still is until you're dependent on it. And that's in the richest, most advanced countries on earth.
I know, it's literally insane. I keep looking to travel to other countries in hope that they might be holding on to some new and advanced medical therapies and just come up empty handed. It's literally astounding.
Sounds like you weren't ready which is fair enough.
From the perspective of our current socioeconomic system it makes perfect sense. The medical "industry" is primarily profit-driven.
It is far more profitable to provide temporary treatments and mask sympoms than provide permanent cures, and sicker people are bigger cash cows than healthy people.
There was a point in time where I was genuinely happy. I had a few good, close friends and a girlfriend that I loved. Except I was immature and was never properly taught by my parents how to show love and affection. I had basically faked it until I made it. And of course it all came crumbling down after I injured my back and had to drop out of the sport I did. I was less self-aware back then and would bitch about my back pain a lot. My girlfriend began to have contempt for me as I was heading toward rock bottom. (I learned that contempt is one of four major indications for divorce or a breakup). Anyway after she dumped me everything fell apart and I have actually managed to cobble myself together the past few years. However I have hit a point where I am spiraling down again. I've ordered my charcoal etc but at the same time I have began to take my lexapro and Ritalin again. I want to accomplish a few things before I make a final decision. I still have a sliver of hope that it could get better. So for now I might wait a few years and do grad school to see how things go.
I hear you man and I know that to be absolutely true. I've looked a lot into 3d bio printing, tissue engineering and regenerative medicine. And I believe the technology is there. The biggest hurdle from what I can tell is the FDA.
They (researchers) have done so much already in mice and pig models that it makes you absolutely insane to read knowing that it hasn't yet been translated clinically. Duke university has grown functioning skeletal muscle and beating cardiac muscle, wake forest leads the way in printing mini versions of functional organs, university of Pittsburgh had already helped wounded soldiers grow back muscle that they lost in IED blasts by using pig bladders as scaffold material to proliferate their own stem cells on, thus regenerating NEW TISSUE, wake forest has grown penises ready to go for people who've suffered trauma or perhaps congenital complications. They've also manufactured rabbit genitalia and successfully given back rabbits whole new functioning sexual organs. Why the FUCK aren't any good people out there spearheading this and saying yo, enough with the bureaucracy sitting being evil and blocking the expedition of this, time to go head and start gearing up for trials in people, like, yesterday.
If enough people banded together and said hey look, we know there are institutes out there that are willing to get this off the ground with a little more funding and a lot less restriction, the whole medical industry would be in for a major overhaul. So many people plagued by injury, chronic pain, and other ailments could FINALLY get the god damn care they need with the technology we already have. I wish the people knew how powerful they really are if they just had the ability or desire to massively form together and tell bureaucracies enough, they could make huge impacts nationally and globally.
Luckily japan's Big pharmaceutical industry doesn't approximate the level of evil of that in the United States and they have recently installed legislation to expedite the research and clinical availability of new breakthrough medical advancements, such as those seen in nascent stages currently in regenerative medicine. (Which will come along a lot damn quicker with better funding and less fucking interference) Wish we could all join hands and demand these new therapies be brought into play.
@Doctorj115 It's not the "evil" of the bureaucracy so much as it is inertia and being captured by pharmaceutical companies.
Still, one has to wonder why pharma and similarly entrenched medical companies don't just buy out the organizations doing this research so they can profit from that as well.
EDIT: actually it does make some sense as some of these new medical advancements might provide permanent fixes which are less profitable than temporary fixes.
During the initial industrial revolution people did know this. Labor movements fought tooth and nail (sometimes getting massacred in the process) to get shorter working weeks, safer working conditions and vacations for workers.
Unfortunately the majority of people today have forgotten about these struggles. They instead assume that either they can rely on the government (which almost exclusively serves a tiny elite and not the majority now) to fight on their behalf or they assume that handing the power directly to the businesses themselves (ie "free market" which in reality is a tiny handful of multinational corporations controlling almost all the "market" while everyone else fights over the leftover scraps) will somehow make them fairer to workers.
Looking at history it is clear that you cannot rely on either the government or businesses themselves to be fair to workers (or customers for that matter). You have to band together with others and take matters into your own hands.
Good luck with that, given how divided society is now on a whole range of issues.
Still, one has to wonder why pharma and similarly entrenched medical companies don't just buy out the organizations doing this research so they can profit from that as well.
EDIT: actually it does make some sense as some of these new medical advancements might provide permanent fixes which are less profitable than temporary fixes.
During the initial industrial revolution people did know this. Labor movements fought tooth and nail (sometimes getting massacred in the process) to get shorter working weeks, safer working conditions and vacations for workers.
Unfortunately the majority of people today have forgotten about these struggles. They instead assume that either they can rely on the government (which almost exclusively serves a tiny elite and not the majority now) to fight on their behalf or they assume that handing the power directly to the businesses themselves (ie "free market" which in reality is a tiny handful of multinational corporations controlling almost all the "market" while everyone else fights over the leftover scraps) will somehow make them fairer to workers.
Looking at history it is clear that you cannot rely on either the government or businesses themselves to be fair to workers (or customers for that matter). You have to band together with others and take matters into your own hands.
Good luck with that, given how divided society is now on a whole range of issues.
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