Discussion What keeps me holding on to my bus pass?

[pinstripe]

I have been holding onto my earnest bus pass for 4-5 years now. My attempt last year through hanging solidified that as my method of choice. How quick I lost consciousness and how painless it was made me sure that's how I wanted to go (Link here for that story) ... and the waning relief I felt that shifted to dread at being alive after I woke up made me absolutely certain it's the best thing for me.

I have started lightly rehearsing again and planned a few more safeguards to make sure the next time succeeds (My body extended and released the pressure on my neck last time. I have some solutions for that now)... That said, I still haven't gone. It's been over 6 months since that attempt and I have yet to go again. The desire hasn't faded. Stress or circumstances haven't really changed. Hard to have a reason why I'm still here anymore. What keeps me here? It can't just be hope that things will improve.

 

[Jadedmeursault9]

I mean out of sheer luck that you made it out you have to think to yourself that there's a reason for it. Higher power or not.

I'd try to check a few more things off the bucket list before you try to kick the bucket again.