What is your preferred suicide ideation indulgement?

[nomoredolor]

When I'm fantasizing about dying and suicide ideation I am often exploring different mediums.

Examples:
Movies: In Bruges, the attempted suicide scene in Manchester by the Sea, Seven Pounds
Anime: Angels of Death, Orange, Welcome to NHK
Reading: I read stories using the "assisted suicide" tag on Archive of Our Own, the Bell Jar
Music: I have a ctb related playlist on Spotify
Art in general

I'm curious what do you do? Just thinking about it / planning / fantasizing? Or do you also explore art, media, books, etc? Thanks for taking the time to share.

All my love to all of you.

 

[zaza23]

I have a dream I keep having for burning myself alive in my home. Burning any record of anything and everything. Needless to say, not the way I'd like to go as it's sounds horribly painful. But just a repeated dream

 

[derpyderpins]

The Welcome to the NHK island trip arc lives rent-free in my head.

Evangelion is something I always go back to when feeling suicidal.

Lots of albums. . . Clarity, Dark Side of the Moon, Bloodflowers, Grand Unification, Crystal Castles II. idk, I'm probably not thinking of a lot because I've shifted to playlists. Haven't touched my vinyl collection in months, sadly. Maybe I'll come edit with suicide songs.

Office Space for movies, funny as that may be. And of course end of eva.

Haven't done it in a minute, but re-reading everything on "Lost All Hope" is a regular SI cope for me. Also old notes and scraps of song lyrics I've written.

The N64 Zeldas come to mind, too. MM has a lot darker themes.

 

[WildAtHeart]

whenever i walk past moving cars i often find myself thinking of what my crumpled up broken body would look like if i just threw myself in front of it.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Mostly just going on here counts as my suicidal ideation. Most of my comfort shows/movies/music are exactly that. Comfort.

However I do have some songs I like to play on repeat when I'm feeling especially sad though they don't quite sound TOO sad:

 

[ladylazarus4]

going on pubmed and reading case studies about suicide lmfao

Office Space for movies, funny as that may be. And of course end of eva.

just curious... why office space? Because of the garage scene? I've only seen it once but I thought it was so funny.

 

[willow115]

I daydream about starving myself away to oblivion. Letting my fragility and true inability to cope be seen and known. Having everyone say oh wow, she really was tormented and losing her battle. Looking fragile and slipping away in bed. I usually do this and then eat something though, so no real link to reality.

I also love drowning fantasies. My favorite is the scene in the movie You Were Never Really Here with the Jonny Greenwood music.

The scene in Manchester by the Sea when he sees the ex-wife and they have their awkward talk is one of my favorites. I have severe ptsd and have made no progress, so I know his battle. I'm also from the area and have gotten lost in that town.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Interesting. I don't really indulge in media about it that much. Mine is simply that I tell myself on a regular basis during the multitude of shitty life things I don't want to do- one day, I won't need to deal with all this shit.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I agree with parts of different posts on here. Just being on this site is a big one for me.
I like to find comfort and entertainment in stuff I watch on TV and read, but if it happens to have a suicidal element, I'm thrilled lol.
But I find myself thinking about different scenarios a lot. Like what would I do if I got cancer, what would I do if I had a heart attack- would I be able to fight SI and not call for help? Would I be scared in a situation where my life was in danger from a reason out of my control?

 

[mango-meridian]

I eat a lot of bad food while indulging in whatever my obsessive fixation is at the time. Or just lie in bed.

 

[_next.next213]

Komm, süsser Tod, it's very cathartic.

 

[Lish]

H. By TOOL
Eulogy By TOOL

The climax of these songs takes me to a beautiful death I'm actively ending myself.

Whether burning alive or shooting myself, I have one last scream of life before snuffing it out. The sheer power in imagining that moment, in having full control over my reality, is so soothing.

 

[CatLove56]

When I'm fantasizing about dying and suicide ideation I am often exploring different mediums.

Examples:
Movies: In Bruges, the attempted suicide scene in Manchester by the Sea, Seven Pounds
Anime: Angels of Death, Orange, Welcome to NHK
Reading: I read stories using the "assisted suicide" tag on Archive of Our Own, the Bell Jar
Music: I have a ctb related playlist on Spotify
Art in general

I'm curious what do you do? Just thinking about it / planning / fantasizing? Or do you also explore art, media, books, etc? Thanks for taking the time to share.

All my love to all of you.

sometimes I just keep writing. anything really.
rock/metal/electronic music turned up loud AF and keep punching the air and sort of dancing lol

 

[MelancholyMagic]

Movies: In Bruges, the attempted suicide scene in Manchester by the Sea, Seven Pounds

I'm running out of movies with a decent suicide/attempted suicide scene (or, at the very least, suicidal ideation). A few others which are good: "The Fire Within" (1963), "World's Greatest Dad" (2009), "Leaving Las Vegas" (1995), "Wristcutters: A Love Story" (2006), "A Man Called Ove" (2015), "Christine" (2016), "The Bridge" (2006), "The Sweet Life" (2016), and "Veronika Decides to Die" (2009). This last one has Buffy (Sarah Gellar), which is neat.

If anyone knows a movie like Wristcutters, please let me know. It has a unique feel which no other movie has replicated for me.

 

[nomoredolor]

I'm running out of movies with a decent suicide/attempted suicide scene (or, at the very least, suicidal ideation). A few others which are good: "The Fire Within" (1963), "World's Greatest Dad" (2009), "Leaving Las Vegas" (1995), "Wristcutters: A Love Story" (2006), "A Man Called Ove" (2015), "Christine" (2016), "The Bridge" (2006), "The Sweet Life" (2016), and "Veronika Decides to Die" (2009). This last one has Buffy (Sarah Gellar), which is neat.

If anyone knows a movie like Wristcutters, please let me know. It has a unique feel which no other movie has replicated for me.

Omg thank you so much for sending me this list. I hope you're able to find more.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I perpetually fantasise about permanent non existence and how beautiful it is to not have to suffer ever again for all eternity

 

[Dionysus]

This is my favorite video and I always related to Upsilon.

 

[vadim]

I fantasise about getting my hands on some barbituates so I can just lie down to sleep and never wake up. I also daydream about doing something bloody and violent like slitting my own throat or shooting myself in the head, but I'd never have the courage to try either of those methods (I also don't have access to a handgun).

Books: No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai, Novel with Cocaine by M. Ageyev, The Miner by Natsume Soeseki, The Bell Jar by Silvia Plath.
Music: My cbt playlists, The Holy Bible - Manic Street Preachers, Spiderland - Slint, Closer - Joy Division, Pornography/Faith - The Cure, Down Colorful Hill - Red House Painters, Deathconsciousness - Have a Nice Life, the entire discographies of Therapy?/The Chameleons/The Smiths/Elliot Smith/The Verlaines/Panchiko.
I don't watch many films but Ghost World is always a good gloomy indulgence :)