What is your main reason for wanting to commit suicide?

[manderley]

I know this poll is very basic and I appreciate that there are so many different reasons for wanting to do so, however I am particularly interested in physical vs mental health

 

[lululoo]

Physical health is definitely the biggest problem in my life. However, when I imagine if I was suddenly healthy tomorrow, I still think I would want to die. I would still be depressed due to a number of things I can't seem to fix: inability to find a lasting romantic relationship, disinterest in any kind of work, disinterest in hobbies, wanting to be around people less and less as I get older, etc etc etc.

 

[manderley]

I can relate to this. Although I have one particular issue that is my biggest motivator for ctb, if this were to be magically resolved, I still wouldn't really want to live for the same reasons as you. I also find that I have an increasing dislike for humanity and the world in general.

 

[Pupuce]

Personally, I don't have any physical issue that can't be dealt with, I'd just need some physical activity, and for the mental part, I tend to be angry on a daily basis with no way to take it of on something, and I can't get over my last break-up. Aside from that, my reason to ctb would be a lack of interest in anything, a will not to be a slave to work my whole life, and I generally despise human nature and won't trust anyone, so the less I get to interact the better.

 

[JadedGray]

I chose other because even though I have physical and mental health problems that definitely are a factor in why I don't want to live, I feel even if I had perfect health that I wouldn't want to here, simply because I don't like myself or my life. I also don't feel compatible with this world or life in general. Suicide is my only option because having never been born isn't.

 

[discokicks]

I'm just so done. In my 30s now lord knows I've tried to get well but I feel so so sick every day...it's time.

 

[lost_soul83]

One of the biggest reasons for me wanting to ctb is because I'm an addict. And I'm always gonna be an addict......I can't ever get away from the horrible cravings and it makes me feel totally hopeless and helpless.....

 

[Empty Smile]

Depression has followed me year after year. After decades of it, it has worn me out. So basically now, I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. I pretty much have nothing left to fight with. My super powers have lost it's power.

 

[nztphill]

I'm suffering for so long with physical that i don't get what you mean with mental health

 

[discokicks]

S

One of the biggest reasons for me wanting to ctb is because I'm an addict. And I'm always gonna be an addict......I can't ever get away from the horrible cravings and it makes me feel totally hopeless and helpless.....

same

 

[Dandelion]

My mental condition has worsened over the years and it doesn't seem to ever get better, in fact, it's getting way worse, dealing with TOC, borderline, maniac episodes, delusional thoughts, splitting, and of course, seeing myself growing up sickens me to my stomach. I promised myself that I would be dead before my 21's so, I have no time to waste. Plus, the trauma of abuse in early childhood haunts me everyday, I think that's the main reason I want to leave, can't deal with it anymore. oh god how I wish things had been different. I always have seen ctb as the only way possible of ending this mess that my mind is, but deep down I really wish there was another way.

 

[maka]

If I'm being completely honest, it's mostly because I am a lazy loser that doesn't want to work for things in life.

I have the potential to go places in life but I just don't want to do it. I don't want to go to college and have to study things that don't matter and get a 9-5 job and have a boring routine for the rest of my life. I want to travel, but god knows you can't do it for free. Aside from that, having a traumatic childhood and severe anxiety doesn't help either.

Whenever I read about death, people always say it is much more beautiful, peaceful, and easier on the other side. I want to ctb so that I can exist in that realm. I want to know what it's like.

 

[nztphill]

If I'm being completely honest, it's mostly because I am a lazy loser that doesn't want to work for things in life.

I have the potential to go places in life but I just don't want to do it. I don't want to go to college and have to study things that don't matter and get a 9-5 job and have a boring routine for the rest of my life. I want to travel, but god knows you can't do it for free. Aside from that, having a traumatic childhood and severe anxiety doesn't help either.

Whenever I read about death, people always say it is much more beautiful, peaceful, and easier on the other side. I want to ctb so that I can exist in that realm. I want to know what it's like.

Sounds stupid to think that someone know how would be after death

 

[Jen Erik]

Retirement plan. Living in poverty does not appeal to me.

 

[maka]

Sounds stupid to think that someone know how would be after death

I should've worded that better, my bad. I mean people who people who have been declared clinically dead and came back. Not sure how trustable their stories are but they always have me hope.

 

[Soul]

I put "other" because my physical illness is eroding my autonomy, and that's what I object to. I need to be able to choose when and how.

 

[Escaper Boy]

Basically, I have lost faith in better future. I already lost "hope". I can't see myself enduring daily grind of life without this precious "hope" in my heart. I'm tired and my battery had been depleted. Without "hope", it's impossible to continue this miserable existence.

 

[Weems]

Educational, occupational, and social failure.

 

[Roadkill]

Loneliness... I've lost all the people that I loved... I lost my mother, my father, my wife, my cat... I can't go on without them

 

[Sunlight99]

I feel depressed a lot. I feel very abnormal, almost autistic. I missed out on a lot as a kid due to my parents domestic violence. I've tried doing all kinds of things to be better, but I'm closer to my 40s and it's probably not going to get better.

 

[Nutcase]

I'm not sure if I will or not, but if I did it would be because of stress, not being able to stay away from alcohol/drugs, and if my internet addiction continues where I jump from one YouTube video to another that I have no interest in watching until I'm too tired to stay awake, I've lost many days to doing that, atleast with drugs or alcohol the addiction is enjoyable.

 

[lost in my mind]

Well , I hate myself more then anything, I hate the fact i exist, I feel like by every step I make I cause people to hate me or to get
angry at me.
Everyone say Im loved and a good person but no matter what I still feel the worst person alive. I feel like I don't deserve anything and due to that- I have to satisfy everyone kinda like being this world slave.
I have a lot of sexual issues as a child that I can't solve. I also led myself into toxic relationship because of being sex addict. My family also is complicated, I mean they never wanted to hurt me or anything and gave me me anything I needed but they were low key mentally abused me...

 

[toolateforme]

i have asperger's autism and very severe histrionic personality disorder and I will inevitably be a detriment to society no matter how much I try. I cannot mourn the loss of a person that I could have been, because I could never be anybody.

 

[Halo13]

I chose physical and mental. Even if somehow I could live with an incurable disease, I have no one. My family is mostly dead or missing for 15+ years, suicide runs in my family. The few (uncles and aunts) treated me like the black sheep loser the worse my mental health got and disowned me years ago. 6 years ago I begged one uncle for help he said I was better off dead and hung up. Father is dead, mother has been missing for 11 years - presumed dead. No friends, no family, hardly any acquaintances. In relationships, partners have said I'm too much to handle and leave. Pointless existence from any angle.

Been trying to catch the bus for a couple decades now. Always knew it would end that way.

 

[Soul]

I put "other" because my physical illness is eroding my autonomy, and that's what I object to. I need to be able to choose when and how.

I should have mentioned that suicide is a family tradition. That plays a role as well, as @Halo13 noted.

 

[Vegrau]

I am tired living like this. I am sick living the way of human. Tired of lies. Deceits and things I never wanted. I dont want to play along in this wretched game. Of idiots and inept. Just thinking about it made me retch.

There will never be peace for me as long as I live. I dont want anything and dont want to have anything to do with this place. Not one.

 

[sweetandsanctioned]

Well I say mental health but really it's other people, including myself 'cause I fuck things up but mainly other people's treatment of me is why I want to die and I don't even really want to die. There's a part of me that actually really wants to live but I just feel like dying is a better choice if I'm just gonna live with hurt and hating myself for the things I've done wrong. People are so horrible to each other and unforgiving and I feel like I'm just becoming a bad person myself the longer I stick around and my problem doesn't seem like it's ever gonna be fixed.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, it's just the fact that existing in this world doesn't appeal to me and I just view wanting suicide as being the logical response to existing here. I could never be delusional enough to want to stay in this hellish world filled with harm and risks, where all that lies ahead for us is suffering and decay. It's a burden having to exist and I just want nothingness.

 

[ASAPLeaving]

Born incorrect sex. That's really about it.

 

[The Howling Void]

I need to for financial reasons and familial reasons. My wife abandoned me and took my daughter. Now I barely get to see her, and I can't see how I'll ever make it over my financial reasons. I fear the future and haven't felt real hope in years. I'm afraid to die, but my future is more than I can bear.