Discussion What is your depression like?

[kohaku]

I'm not asking for explanations to the neurotypical. I'm asking you to talk about what you think makes your depression symptoms unique, see if anyone has similar experiences or share some observations about it.

I've noticed it just feels like my mood baseline has gotten much lower. Everything is duller. If I strain myself and expend too much effort on something, I want to cry. Every day feels the same.

Sometimes I'm hit with sudden waves of depression- as in, I feel even worse than usual. It feels like I want to cry but I can't. I feel tense and it hurts. But it's not always that way.

I have some questions to you all, though.

Do you ever get random bursts of energy? What are some of the things that make you doubt your diagnosis the most? Do you think depression necessarily makes you a pessimist?

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I have not lost all hope yet. I have bipolar so I go through spurts of depression then mania which gives me lots of energy. Depression makes me numb and it made me realize how purposeless life is. How my goals don't matter. How everyone dies. It gives me a wider view of things. Of all the bad and all the hopelessness. Depression makes me feel like a robot. My eyes are glazed over and I'm already dead. That's how it feels. I also have weird eye twitches which is just a fun little side effect of depression. I want to cry all the demons and sadness out but I physically can't cry. I haven't cried in a while

 

[Epsilon0]

Sometimes it feels like a log of wood, fallen to the mossy ground of an ancient forest, overcome with dead leaves, tiny insects and blotched fungi.

Although I'm lying there among roots and dirt, soaking up the morning dew and night rain, an unbearable fire of pain runs through the wooden fabric of my body.

In time, the hard log will turn to soft pulp, it will become one with the dry leaves and the black earth, and will be tread underfoot by the forest animals.

Come death!

 

[TheSoulless]

I simply don't feel. I'm constantly bored and/or anxious. I seldom get bursts of energy. They last for a few minutes.

I actually don't think of depression as an illness. I think it's a natural state of mind, and "normal" people are content with their lives because of delusion and ignorance.

 

[Fredman]

In general, it sucks the joy out of activities. It's like when you have a fever and can't taste the food you're eating. I sometimes spiral downwards, mostly later in my day. Sometimes it's sad, but mostly it's just fucking terrifying. It's like, I can't fucking believe this is the way life is. What the actual fucking fuck. Why am I in this existence and what's going to happen when I die? I also get those bursts of energy. I get so tired of being depressed all the time. I have a fire in my soul that wants to love and create. I don't think depression makes us pessimists; I think it makes us realists. We dare to look deeper and acknowledge the misery of life.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I stopped thinking in these categories and I feel a lot better about myself... which makes sense; because going through your day pathologizing every part of your experience and recognizing them as 'symptoms' of your 'illness' ... how would that make anyone feel good about himself?

Rather I now take my experience at face value and I take it seriously; I stopped telling myself all day that there is something wrong with me.

sorry I can't express myself very clearly today I hope you understood what I was trying to say

 

[BlackPoppet]

My depression symptoms vary. At the moment I'm crying at everything. Sometimes I'm Anhedonic, which is a deadening of feelings! Sometimes feelings will be present but only, rage, fear, frustration etc! Sometimes I feed myself lots of rubbish junk food, other times I won't eat anything for days. Sometimes I'm manic, sometimes really despondent! Occasionally extreme sadness, other times apathy. Don't know if it's partially my BPD that gives me some of these symptoms, my mum had Bipolar. I feel like I'm exhibiting some of these symptoms but too scared to go to the Dr because they hate me enough already.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

My depression symptoms vary. At the moment I'm crying at everything. Sometimes I'm Anhedonic, which is a deadening of feelings! Sometimes feelings will be present but only, rage, fear, frustration etc! Sometimes I feed myself lots of rubbish junk food, other times I won't eat anything for days. Sometimes I'm manic, sometimes really despondent! Occasionally extreme sadness, other times apathy. Don't know if it's partially my BPD that gives me some of these symptoms, my mum had Bipolar. I feel like I'm exhibiting some of these symptoms but too scared to go to the Dr because they hate me enough already.

cheer up you are human

 

[Epsilon0]

cheer up you are human

All the less reason to cheer up...

 

[a.n.kirillov]

yeah wrong choice of words I meant feeling different emotions means he is still human and not a brain dead zombie. looking at this shithole we live in and feeling great about it would worry me more

 

[BlackPoppet]

cheer up you are human

So all humans are supposed to feel depressed on the daily? Is that what you are saying?

yeah wrong choice of words I meant feeling different emotions means he is still human and not a brain dead zombie. looking at this shithole we live in and feeling great about it would worry me more

it's ok I'm not that triggered over your comment, now that you've explained what you meant. I'm a she by the way lol! It's true, all of these emotions are emotions that humans are capable of feeling! Especially with depression! I wish some of the more destructive style emotions would ease off a bit. The world is getting more shitholey day by day, I'm with you on that!

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

My regular depression symptoms are likely not much different than anyone elses.

But... I have noticed something odd once in a while when I'm feeling particularly low. I will be watching tv or something that triggers me in some way to start crying, and I will feel this pain or ache in my chest for a few moments.

The first time it happened I actually thought I was having a heart attack. But it's happened many times since then, always when I was really sad, crying. It felt like a literal interpretation of heartache. I know it sounds cheesy as hell but it's the only way I can describe a deep chest pain like that.

 

[BlackPoppet]

My regular depression symptoms are likely not much different than anyone elses.

But... I have noticed something odd once in a while when I'm feeling particularly low. I will be watching tv or something that triggers me in some way to start crying, and I will feel this pain or ache in my chest for a few moments.

The first time it happened I actually thought I was having a heart attack. But it's happened many times since then, always when I was really sad, crying. It felt like a literal interpretation of heartache. I know it sounds cheesy as hell but it's the only way I can describe a deep chest pain like that.

Sometimes emotions can really cut deep, especially if we are sensitive, empathetic people who have depression. Something can trigger an intense feeling like this and if we are feeling very low, something that we see on tv will grip on and exascerbate that feeling to painful heights that can feel physically painful and intense. I know where you are coming from. I can't watch a lot of tv when I'm deeply scared, paranoid and depressed. Only old black and white films. Hugs from me to you.

My regular depression symptoms are likely not much different than anyone elses.

But... I have noticed something odd once in a while when I'm feeling particularly low. I will be watching tv or something that triggers me in some way to start crying, and I will feel this pain or ache in my chest for a few moments.

The first time it happened I actually thought I was having a heart attack. But it's happened many times since then, always when I was really sad, crying. It felt like a literal interpretation of heartache. I know it sounds cheesy as hell but it's the only way I can describe a deep chest pain like that.

☺

 

[RottenDeer]

On some rare days it's hopelessness, crying, feeling too much at once and suffocating from what I can't say.
On most days it's dullness, apathy and seeing no meaning in anything, just doing things to waste time and make the day go over faster.

 

[Jon86]

Groundhog day in hell.

 

[imademypicture]

It feels like something's constantly choking me everyday. Some days I feel like I can breathe and some days I feel like I'm underwater unable to take a breath. Lately I've been feeling extremely lonely and wish I had a companion. I'm thinking of getting a pet dog but I'm not sure if I'm ready.

 

[Roberto]

I'm not asking for explanations to the neurotypical. I'm asking you to talk about what you think makes your depression symptoms unique, see if anyone has similar experiences or share some observations about it.

I've noticed it just feels like my mood baseline has gotten much lower. Everything is duller. If I strain myself and expend too much effort on something, I want to cry. Every day feels the same.

Sometimes I'm hit with sudden waves of depression- as in, I feel even worse than usual. It feels like I want to cry but I can't. I feel tense and it hurts. But it's not always that way.

I have some questions to you all, though.

Do you ever get random bursts of energy? What are some of the things that make you doubt your diagnosis the most? Do you think depression necessarily makes you a pessimist?

You have a map and go through A, B,C to fix anything ... you arrive to B, and can't do C. Energy dissolves.
It's the thing that makes me believe nothing matters.
It's the thing that makes me be happier every day. Every day I get gray hair, look older, loose hair, loose sight, money, sex attraction for anything, getting chronic illness. Everything that reminds me getting older, makes me happier. Because I know I'm ready. Because I'm closer to my love death.
It makes me feel it's the only truth worth.
I don't think I deserve to live. People are more prepared, faster, more equilibrated, positive, intelligent, good looking, more of anything.
I can't sustain myself. The life I thought I should have to live. With a partner, working hard, with kids, respected. No ... I don't have nothing that could make me worth to live any longer. Just my cats. Just 2 silly things that the society doesn't give any importance. They could die tomorrow and there would be any funeral. Any investigation. Any question.
I just can't get through any job. I feel I can't. I can't manage. Sorry, but I can't.
I don't want to argue, discussions. I just want to hide. Make the less problems as possible. And die without anyone to notice, as it might be, and giving my cats another life. A better life, may be. A flat it's not the best place to live. It's quite safe, but ... life it's much larger than my 4 walls.
I live depression, comparing myself with others, feeling bad about myself, remembering that I should get paid 100$ at a month, because I'm slow, stupid ... don't care.
I don't see a future for myself. I live without any hope about myself.
Let the law of Darwin work and let me die, quietly and without pain if it's possible. And give my cats a second life. And don't let any person to think about me more than a moment, during 1 week. Not more. I don't deserve such time and energy.

 

[BlackPoppet]

You have a map and go through A, B,C to fix anything ... you arrive to B, and can't do C. Energy dissolves.
It's the thing that makes me believe nothing matters.
It's the thing that makes me be happier every day. Every day I get gray hair, look older, loose hair, loose sight, money, sex attraction for anything, getting chronic illness. Everything that reminds me getting older, makes me happier. Because I know I'm ready. Because I'm closer to my love death.
It makes me feel it's the only truth worth.
I don't think I deserve to live. People are more prepared, faster, more equilibrated, positive, intelligent, good looking, more of anything.
I can't sustain myself. The life I thought I should have to live. With a partner, working hard, with kids, respected. No ... I don't have nothing that could make me worth to live any longer. Just my cats. Just 2 silly things that the society doesn't give any importance. They could die tomorrow and there would be any funeral. Any investigation. Any question.
I just can't get through any job. I feel I can't. I can't manage. Sorry, but I can't.
I don't want to argue, discussions. I just want to hide. Make the less problems as possible. And die without anyone to notice, as it might be, and giving my cats another life. A better life, may be. A flat it's not the best place to live. It's quite safe, but ... life it's much larger than my 4 walls.
I live depression, comparing myself with others, feeling bad about myself, remembering that I should get paid 100$ at a month, because I'm slow, stupid ... don't care.
I don't see a future for myself. I live without any hope about myself.
Let the law of Darwin work and let me die, quietly and without pain if it's possible. And give my cats a second life. And don't let any person to think about me more than a moment, during 1 week. Not more. I don't deserve such time and energy.

I know my words might not soothe you, but you are worth time and energy.

 

[Cjaf]

Sometimes I'm numb and like a robot(I think it's a coping mechanism) other times it feels like my soul is being torn apart. A constant feeling of desperation and crying on the inside. This heavy pain on the inside that cuts through everything

 

[Green Destiny]

I consider my depression to be the high functioning kind where once I wake up I have to get out of bed and do something, although I wish I could stay in bed sleeping days away. What makes this worse is that I don't find much enjoyment in doing things a lot of the time and that starts to frustrate and anger me. That's all I really feel, emptiness and anger. There are days where I have more energy and things aren't as bad, but they're far and in between.

 

[TeenIdle]

Avoidant personality disorder/social anxiety and identity crisis mostly cause my depression

 

[BlackPoppet]

Avoidant personality disorder/social anxiety and identity crisis mostly cause my depression

:-( Sending you a virtual hug.

 

[reapandsow918]

For me, depression is dying mentally+emotionally+spiritually before physically dying.