oneside
Member
- Mar 22, 2020
- 83
Hey guys, I'm new here, and since I have plans to ctb, I think that my first post should be about my experiences in life, my conclusions about it and how I made my mind about ctb.
Well, I was never a depressed person, and that is a important thing about my entire history, because all my bad thoughts came to me by my experiences and observations of society itself. I'm 25 y/o now, and since 17 y/o I've been struggling to succeed in this world. I worked, I saved money, I studied, and I started 3 business throughout these years, which I failed in all of them. I bankrupted, and then I started again. I'm in my fourth business now and I'm closing the doors very soon... AGAIN! Basically, that's is all my history between 17 y/o and 25 y/o. I tried several times to get what I want, and I failed in all of them.
The reason why I was so greedy it's not because I wanted to live a pathetic life of ostentation, but because I've born with a rare condition, known as AVM, which is VERY expensive to treat. I'm not getting into details, but basically this is a arteriovenous malformation which causes sequels and periodically bleedings. This condition didn't allow me to have a normal life, and I think most of you must know how hard it is watching other people living their happy life and you can't do the same. Since I didn't born in a wealth family and the government (public hospitals) doesn't offer any help for my particularly case, I was decided to get this health issue fixed by my own efforts, no matter what.
That's why my journey was all about work. You can't do anything in this world without money, specially if you have a health issue which can only be treated by your financial resources. Well, I kept my head up and I never quit during these years. I was still seeing perfect people living a perfect life (normal life actually, but would be perfect to me) which made me feel awful, but I tried the most I could to focus only in succeed, and I believed that the key for that was only about never giving up. "Consistency is the key to success" they said. Sweet illusion.
Here I am, eight years then, after consistency. I failed several times and I'm far far away from what I want, which wouldn't be much, due my efforts throughout these years. This condition that I have doesn't mess only with my health, but also with my self esteem. I was going to solve two problems at once, but I was wrong about how it would end. That's why I've been thinking a lot about life lately, and how everything seems so unfair in this world.
What is life, after all ?
Well, I came to a conclusion that life is nothing but a Jackpot. It doesn't matter if someone is depressed or not, life is a f* Jackpot which will reward random people with random prizes. I saw many depressed people reborning as a pro-life and I saw many happy people ending their lives for different reasons. I worked so hard in my life and nothing that I wanted happened to me, even after learning with my mistakes and trying again and again, even doing everything right. So, life is just a lottery, no one knows who's gonna win. Well, in my case, some people said to me that failure is a good thing, so I can learn from it and move on, untill I get it right. But, now, I understand that failure is only good for people who already won, so they can show how brave they were, and then be proud of it.
It doesn't matter how hard I try, it will never depends only to me. There are people who think they are the master of their destine... Haha! Of course you can choose what music you will listen or what food you will eat, but no matter your intentions, if you need something from someone, you will never be in control of your life. We all depend of people to achieve our dreams, and sometimes people just don't care too much. That is how life works. Nothing was ever up to me, even when I thought it was.
I refuse to live in a world so full of injustice. I've already born with my health messed up, I did nothing to deserve it. In life, I never harmed anyone. I did everything what I was supposed to do in order to get what I needed, and yet, the results of my efforts was nothing but failures. This is enough to me! The problem with people who think life worth the risk is that either they already have a good life or they just didn't get tired of trying yet. Well, I'm the prove that life is nothing but a joke, and now I will be just caring about my departure, which seems the only decision that I can make for myself.
That is just a little about me and my view about life, I wish I could write more, but I think this is enough, otherwise it would be a long text. Tell me your view about life too, I would love to hear it!
I forgot to mention that I'm no english native speaker, so forgive me any mistakes.
Well, I was never a depressed person, and that is a important thing about my entire history, because all my bad thoughts came to me by my experiences and observations of society itself. I'm 25 y/o now, and since 17 y/o I've been struggling to succeed in this world. I worked, I saved money, I studied, and I started 3 business throughout these years, which I failed in all of them. I bankrupted, and then I started again. I'm in my fourth business now and I'm closing the doors very soon... AGAIN! Basically, that's is all my history between 17 y/o and 25 y/o. I tried several times to get what I want, and I failed in all of them.
The reason why I was so greedy it's not because I wanted to live a pathetic life of ostentation, but because I've born with a rare condition, known as AVM, which is VERY expensive to treat. I'm not getting into details, but basically this is a arteriovenous malformation which causes sequels and periodically bleedings. This condition didn't allow me to have a normal life, and I think most of you must know how hard it is watching other people living their happy life and you can't do the same. Since I didn't born in a wealth family and the government (public hospitals) doesn't offer any help for my particularly case, I was decided to get this health issue fixed by my own efforts, no matter what.
That's why my journey was all about work. You can't do anything in this world without money, specially if you have a health issue which can only be treated by your financial resources. Well, I kept my head up and I never quit during these years. I was still seeing perfect people living a perfect life (normal life actually, but would be perfect to me) which made me feel awful, but I tried the most I could to focus only in succeed, and I believed that the key for that was only about never giving up. "Consistency is the key to success" they said. Sweet illusion.
Here I am, eight years then, after consistency. I failed several times and I'm far far away from what I want, which wouldn't be much, due my efforts throughout these years. This condition that I have doesn't mess only with my health, but also with my self esteem. I was going to solve two problems at once, but I was wrong about how it would end. That's why I've been thinking a lot about life lately, and how everything seems so unfair in this world.
What is life, after all ?
Well, I came to a conclusion that life is nothing but a Jackpot. It doesn't matter if someone is depressed or not, life is a f* Jackpot which will reward random people with random prizes. I saw many depressed people reborning as a pro-life and I saw many happy people ending their lives for different reasons. I worked so hard in my life and nothing that I wanted happened to me, even after learning with my mistakes and trying again and again, even doing everything right. So, life is just a lottery, no one knows who's gonna win. Well, in my case, some people said to me that failure is a good thing, so I can learn from it and move on, untill I get it right. But, now, I understand that failure is only good for people who already won, so they can show how brave they were, and then be proud of it.
It doesn't matter how hard I try, it will never depends only to me. There are people who think they are the master of their destine... Haha! Of course you can choose what music you will listen or what food you will eat, but no matter your intentions, if you need something from someone, you will never be in control of your life. We all depend of people to achieve our dreams, and sometimes people just don't care too much. That is how life works. Nothing was ever up to me, even when I thought it was.
I refuse to live in a world so full of injustice. I've already born with my health messed up, I did nothing to deserve it. In life, I never harmed anyone. I did everything what I was supposed to do in order to get what I needed, and yet, the results of my efforts was nothing but failures. This is enough to me! The problem with people who think life worth the risk is that either they already have a good life or they just didn't get tired of trying yet. Well, I'm the prove that life is nothing but a joke, and now I will be just caring about my departure, which seems the only decision that I can make for myself.
That is just a little about me and my view about life, I wish I could write more, but I think this is enough, otherwise it would be a long text. Tell me your view about life too, I would love to hear it!
I forgot to mention that I'm no english native speaker, so forgive me any mistakes.
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