J
JoeFailure
Mage
- Apr 29, 2019
- 574
After all the reading, I'm pretty sure I have severe ADHD. Everything about it seems like what's been going on my whole life. Life is incredibly expensive to live and I can't focus on anything. The job that I have that pays 47k, which is sadly the second most I've ever made, is too much, I don't think I'm going to survive here.
I believe I'm a smart person in some respects, but just not the way most jobs are set up. I've never been able to focus enough. It's probably why I was a really good Special ed para, it's a lot of movement and talk based rather than computer work.
I really do want to live but now it's not even about the financial fight, I'm afraid I might not even be able to stay alive in this world. Last night/this morning was the most suicidal I've ever been and it was really scary. I literally felt like I was a step away from grabbing my N now that I have it. It was unrelenting. I'm not even sure how I managed to make it to work this morning.
I thankfully got a psychiatrist appt for tomorrow morning and I'm hoping for some kind of miracle. I really don't know what's going to happen if I lose this job. I took a look at other things and nothing else I have a shot at getting even pays out this much.
I'm just a nervous wreck every day. These people who text me saying they're so bored at work have no idea how good they have it.
I believe I'm a smart person in some respects, but just not the way most jobs are set up. I've never been able to focus enough. It's probably why I was a really good Special ed para, it's a lot of movement and talk based rather than computer work.
I really do want to live but now it's not even about the financial fight, I'm afraid I might not even be able to stay alive in this world. Last night/this morning was the most suicidal I've ever been and it was really scary. I literally felt like I was a step away from grabbing my N now that I have it. It was unrelenting. I'm not even sure how I managed to make it to work this morning.
I thankfully got a psychiatrist appt for tomorrow morning and I'm hoping for some kind of miracle. I really don't know what's going to happen if I lose this job. I took a look at other things and nothing else I have a shot at getting even pays out this much.
I'm just a nervous wreck every day. These people who text me saying they're so bored at work have no idea how good they have it.